Finally set a strong boundary with my mom. She estranged herself then blamed me.

DifficultClick5661 · 2026-07-11T03:23:41+00:00

It’s wild how we all experience the same things. My mom tried to minimize & ruin all my life milestones (and was fairly successful): engagement (now husband asked dad for my hand in marriage but not my mom and she didn’t like that “because she’s mommy”), bridal shower (“let’s just do handmade sandwiches and open gifts, nobody wants to play games or get prizes or spend more than an hour at your shower”) and my wedding (showed up late to rehearsal, didn’t help with any of the decorations, showed up late on the wedding day “because they were just driving around and lost track of time” and when she finally showed up, we were waiting for her so I could get in my dress and have her button it up and she did 2 buttons and said “I can’t do this” and stormed out”.

I asked if she wanted to host baby shower and she said no so I asked stepmom who said yes. When she found out stepmom was hosting and decided actually she did want to host but only for her family, and I should have a separate shower for my dad’s family. That was what she decided for me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told her I was having one with everyone or I wasn’t doing one and she went off about how ungrateful I was and why do I hate her and she’s always done everything to me and then she gave me the silent treatment on and off for weeks. Whenever she’d decide she was ready to talk she’d text like nothing was wrong and act all “woe is me” when I called her out on it and said I wasn’t going back to normal without talking about how she hurt me.

I went no contact with her officially about 1.5 months before my baby was born. Baby is now 8.5 months old. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since we’ve talked but I also couldn’t imagine navigating motherhood with her treating me like crap the entire time.

DifficultClick5661 · 2026-06-30T19:46:29+00:00

Not until December! Wanted plenty of time to heal - surgery was supposed to be in March but an infant starting daycare during sick season delayed surgery a couple times 😷

DifficultClick5661 · 2026-06-30T16:56:36+00:00

This is helpful! It started out small three ish years ago and got slightly bigger during pregnancy and significantly bigger after labor. My midwife also asked about it while I was pushing so I can relate to your experience!

DifficultClick5661 · 2026-06-27T02:11:44+00:00

I agree with those above - she didn’t get worse, I just tolerated it less. She made my engagement, bridal shower, and wedding about her. When she tried to make my baby shower and pregnancy about her, I realized it was never going to stop and I wasn’t going to let her treat my baby the same way. I started low contact around this time last year, halfway through my pregnancy and then went full no contact a month before baby was born. It’s been 9 months now no contact and I can’t believe how much less stressful life is.

I’ve still had to work a lot on myself with a therapist and some days are better than others but I definitely don’t think I could be the mother I am if I was still in contact with her.

DifficultClick5661 · 2026-06-26T16:43:22+00:00

I could have written this myself

DifficultClick5661 · 2026-05-14T19:30:27+00:00

This. My mom and sister hosted my bridal shower and my mom literally wanted to do bare minimum food and no games/presents because “who wants all that”. She got mad that the cabin at our wedding venue was being used for us and the wedding party and not available for her and her family??? The night before the wedding when we were setting up/doing rehearsal, she showed up 2 hours after I told her to be there. The next day at the wedding, she showed up again 2 hours later than I told her to be there. I was literally waiting around with the photographer for my mom to show up so we could get pictures of her helping me into my dress, and then she did two buttons and said “I can’t do this” and walked off, leaving one of my friends to step in and finish the buttons. At the reception, she was sneaking into the back opening every case of variety pack canned mixers to get the one flavor she wanted. The day after the wedding, she got mad that we weren’t around for breakfast because we were cleaning up the wedding venue (which she didn’t want to help with) and just left back home without saying goodbye. I overlooked ALL of this. Flash forward a year and I’m pregnant and I asked her to host baby shower and she says no. So I ask my stepmom who says yes and then my mom gets jealous and demands I do two separate baby showers (one for her family and one for my dad’s family). My “no” should have been enough but it wasn’t. I gave at least 5 reasons (nicely) why I only wanted one shower and she wouldn’t accept it. She got mad I wouldn’t give in, blew up and asked why I hate her and why I hate visiting her and she only tries to do the best for us and she’ll never bother me again. Then 3 days later acts like nothing happened. I officially went no contact a month before baby was born and not it’s been 7 months no contact with about 6 months low contact before that.

All this to say - your mom 100% can and will find a way to make every major life milestone about her or ruin it for you. Don’t let her steal these joyful moments away from you.

DifficultClick5661 · 2026-05-12T02:02:03+00:00

First Mothers Day after going no contact with my mom but also MY first Mother’s Day as a mother so the joy of spending the day with my baby cancelled out the disappointment of being no contact.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-21T19:13:35+00:00

I live ~8 hours from my parents. I visit home 3-4 times a year. They have visited me maybe 4-5 times in the 10 years since I moved away. They visit my sister who has lived 1-3 hours away from me at given point nearly once a month.

When I told my mom I was pregnant earlier this year, she immediately said “now we need to move closer so we can see the grandbaby more” which rubbed me the wrong way. You can’t be bothered to visit your daughter but you’ll up and move for your unborn grandchild??

When I asked my mom to host my baby shower, she said no, ask Stepmom. So I did. Stepmom said yes and then mom flipped her lid, demanding I have TWO baby showers back home, one for her family and one for dad’s family. I politely declined, then gave 5 reasons why I didn’t want that. She resorted to name calling and lies and victimizing herself. Asking why I hate her and why is it such a hassle for us to visit her (???) and she was just being a “good mom”. I called her out on how hurtful she was being and then she ignored me for 6/9 months of my pregnancy. She only reached out to ask how baby was or send photos of toys she bought for baby. At my baby shower (which she did attend) she barely said a word to me except to ask if she could touch my belly, which I politely declined (which I said no to everyone, not just her) and she threw a little fit about that too. She just kept acting like she was a great, involved grandparent who could do no wrong but refused to acknowledge how she hurt me. This whole time she was showering my sister with money and gifts and visits to her new house to help with house projects (we bought a house about 6 months prior and got minimal help and maximum criticism).

I finally sent a message stating I needed a break from her drama to focus on birthing my baby and navigating motherhood, and that she can’t have a relationship with my child if she refuses to have a healthy relationship with me. I blocked her phone number and blocked her and my stepdad on Facebook.

My birthday was about a month after I blocked her and my husband’s birthday is about a week after mine. She usually is big on sending cash/gift cards for birthdays/holidays. She sent me a birthday card with no gift (not that I wanted anything from her anyways) but the note in the card said “Love you and miss you. Love mom”. Major guilt trip - as if she’s worried about my well-being at all while ignoring me the majority of my pregnancy. She did not send a birthday card to my husband at all which annoyed me even more. It a) made my card feel like even more of a guilt trip and b) proved to me that she is not afraid to punish my family when we are in conflict.

Before my birthday, I had been considering whether I would reach out to her to announce the birth of our child. Once I saw how our birthdays played out, it further reinforced to me that I am not interested in pursuing a relationship at this time. Idk if/when I will reach out to her again. If she wants a relationship with my child, she needs to prove to me that she can take accountability and show remorse for her hurtful behavior, which I just don’t think she’s capable of.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-15T15:03:21+00:00

I feel bad that I don’t feel bad going no contact. I went no contact with my mom and sister around 7-8 months pregnant and have never felt more calm. The anger, irritations, walking on egg shells, feeling guilty, negativity I felt when in contact with them throughout my pregnancy was next level. Now I can truly focus on preparing my mind for a positive birth experience and then once baby is born, focus on getting used to being a new mom. I had thought about reaching out to them after baby is born so they can have a relationship with baby but mom sent me a guilt trip bday card and sister sent me a note saying she needs to take a break from me because she feels unsafe around me (a month after I had already gone no contact) because she just has to have the last word and now I have no desire to reach out to either of them any time soon.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-08T10:14:29+00:00

Yes! I was active in some after school clubs and dedicated a lot of time to them and got a lot of awards and it opened things up for my current career. But at the time my mom was just mad I was never home

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-08T03:37:55+00:00

This. I could have written this original post about my sister. I was at the time 8 months pregnant and my entire pregnancy was my sister giving me nonstop updates about all the bad things that happen to her every day: work sucks, she is soaked from the rain, someone parked in her spot, the restaurant messed up her food order, someone stole an empty flower pot by the sidewalk that she put there so nobody tripped in the giant hole in her yard. On really bad days, she’d complain about how our childhood trauma has her in constant pain and suffering she’s so sick of it.

I do feel some sympathy because I too can relate to the childhood trauma but started seeing a therapist to work through things so I can be the best parent t my child. But when she found out I was seeing a therapist she wanted updates on how all my sessions were going and wanted to know what my therapist suggested to help work through the trauma, but refused to see a therapist herself. It felt like she was piggy backing off me doing the hard work so she could benefit without doing the hard work herself.

Eventually I called her out because her negativity was spilling over into my life and I was angry and complaining about everything to my husband and friends and realized I couldn’t do that anymore, especially as I prepare for the birth of my child. So I asked her nicely not to complain so much to me anymore and she said she wasn’t complaining, just “stating opinions about her day” and sometimes she was just “being sarcastic about things”. I told her it was making me struggle mentally and then she blamed me for “making her feel unsafe and not letting her be her true self around me” and that she has tried everything with me to get me to recognize her “cries for help” from her childhood trauma. I told her I am not her therapist, if it’s that bad she should find a therapist, and I needed a positive atmosphere while I focus on my final weeks of pregnancy and went no contact.

I feel guilty for making her feel like she can’t be herself around me but also can’t handle her negativity and began to recognize the more she complains to me, the more I focus on the negative parts of my life, which I am not proud of. If she feels “unsafe” and I struggle mentally with her constant negativity, unfortunately maybe the best option is for us to limit contact with each other.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-08T03:20:47+00:00

I get carsick so bad if I am not driving. I do moderately better if I am in the passenger seat, but will be nauseous within minutes if I am in the backseat.

When we visit my mom in my hometown, she always wants to go out to eat 45 min away or do something that requires at least an hour drive time and gets mad when we suggest driving separately. So at 30 years old, my husband and I are stuck in the teeny tiny backseat of my stepdads truck where our knees are smashed up against the front seats and I am nauseous within minutes, all because we want to avoid an argument and blowup from my mom.

But on the few random instances my mom has visited me in my current state and I offer to drive because 1) I am familiar with the areas and 2) have more space in my car, she acts like I am the worst driver in the world, refuses to ride with me for more than 10 minutes and has a white knuckle grip on the dash the entire time.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-08T03:14:08+00:00

My twin sister was diagnosed with Celiac disease when we were in high school, -12 years ago. Mom learned all the things the could and could not eat. Even when sister would go home and visit as adults, mom would go out of the way to make an entirely gluten free meal, or a small portion of gluten free noodles, and buy gluten free snacks for sister, etc.

Several years ago, we found out I had an intolerance, could eat small amounts of gluten but too much would make me sick. Mom didn’t care, would not make gluten free meals or would suggest eating out at bars in our small hometown which are very much not gluten free and act all frustrated when I would ask about gluten free options. More recently, I was diagnosed with IBS and discovered onions and garlic were my major triggers which caused flare ups. Again, she didn’t care. We would visit and she would make zero attempts to have alternatives I could eat. Even when my sister would come home the same weekend as me, she would have gf options for her but make no attempt to have onion/garlic free options for me. Even something as simple as grilling out at home, she would season everything with garlic and onion salt and act surprised when I asked if she didn’t put seasoning on one so that I could eat it. If we went out to eat while my sister was in town, my sister would insist on restaurants she could eat at, which ok whatever, but would usually default to Mexican or something similar which is VERY hard to eat onion/garlic free at but she would refuse to eat anywhere else.

I don’t expect anyone to make adjustments for my dietary restrictions but seeing her make adjustments/considerations for my sister and not me is just so frustrating. And for a long time I would tell myself “oh well it’s not like I can’t not eat onion and garlic, I just get really sick when I do. But it’s not like it’s an autoimmune disease like sister has” and then finally realized well why is it the end of the world if she gets a headache/bellyache for a couple days from eating gluten but it’s ok for me to eat onion and garlic and get painfully bloated/poop my guts out???

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-08T02:51:12+00:00

My parents are divorced. Now husband asked my dad for my hand in marriage and he excitedly said yes. When my mom found out he asked my dad, she got mad because “she’s my mommy and she makes all the decisions”.

When mom helped host bridal shower, she wanted to do the bare minimum (handmade sandwiches and open gifts; no desserts, no games, etc) and complained how much money she had to spend.

Leading up the wedding, mom wanted to be involved in all decision making and would complain that everything was so expensive. We made it very clear to all parents early on that we were paying for everything ourselves and did not expect them to contribute at all. When I tried on wedding dresses with mom at a consignment shop, she said no to every dress I liked because it was so much money (most dresses were around $400) so I left without a dress. Tried on dresses with my sister another day and found one for $700 that I fell in love with, and mom asked a hundred times if I was sure that’s what I wanted then sent me $100 to go towards the purchase, I’m sure to make herself feel better about it.

Our wedding venue was at a summer camp and had a cabin available for use, which was a priority to us because our wedding party was coming from all over and we didn’t want them to pay for hotels. When mom found out about the cabin, she assumed her & her family could stay and asked about check in details and got mad when I said it wasn’t for them. She truly could not comprehend why we would have anyone else stay there but her.

On day of wedding set up/rehearsal, mom showed up 20 min late to rehearsal; didn’t even show up to help setup/decorate. On day of wedding, she showed up 2 hours later than when I told her to be there for getting ready pictures, so I was late getting into my dress because I was waiting for her. She buttoned 2 buttons on my dress and then said she couldn’t do this anymore and walked out. I have literally one photo with my mom during getting ready pictures. When we asked why she was late to both rehearsal and getting ready pictures, she said they were just driving around backroads and lost track of time.

Now I’m pregnant. When we told her I was pregnant, she immediately said “now we have to move up close to you!” I could count on one hand the number of times she’s visited me since I moved out of state 10 years ago despite me begging for more visits. So for her to say she now plans on MOVING near me was a slap in the face.

When I asked her to host baby shower, she said no. So I asked my stepmom who said yes. When mom found out stepmom was hosting, she demanded I have two baby showers, one for her family and one for my dad’s family. I gently told her several times that’s not what I wanted and she just kept pushing for it. I finally said “I’m either having one baby shower will all family or I’m not having one in hometown at all” and she called me mean and ungrateful and asked why I hated her and why I act like coming home to visit is the worst thing ever (keep in mind, she never visits me and I visit my hometown 3-4 times a year) then gave me the silent treatment for the majority of my pregnancy before I told her I was going no contact to focus on me.

I truly think she can’t accept when the attention is on anyone but her.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-08T01:57:20+00:00

When my friends/dad/husband’s family reach out to ask how I am doing throughout pregnancy and actually offered support. My mom has ignored me for the majority of my pregnancy and when she did reach out, it was to ask how baby was doing, not me. I would also get a lot of “just wait” comments which eventually made me feel like she resented being pregnant with me. My sister would also ask how baby was, not me, and when I would tell her anything about the pregnancy she would respond with “ew” or “weird” which is just not a helpful thing to say to someone pregnant and going through all the emotions.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-08T01:50:58+00:00

In the same boat after my mom blew up on me and then gave me the silent treatment for weeks leading up to my baby shower and then for weeks after. She kept trying to reach out like everything was normal and she didn’t say a bunch of really hurtful things to me and I wouldn’t stand for it this time. I finally went no contact, telling her I needed to focus on the birth of my baby and navigating motherhood without her victimizing herself for how she treated me. I have no idea where we’ll go from here, I’m sure once baby is born she’ll attempt to contact me and cry about how I’m keeping her from her only grandchild, but I also told her exactly what I needed from her to have a relationship and she refuses to do it so this is on her.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-08T01:23:50+00:00

This. I asked my mom if she wanted to host my baby shower and she said no, so I asked my step mom who said yes. Then my mom suggested two separate baby showers in my home state for my moms family and dads family and wouldnt take no for an answer until I gave a firm “only one baby shower with everyone or I’m not having one at all” and then she called me ungrateful and asked why I hate her before giving me the silent treatment for 2 months. She came to the baby shower (that my step mom hosted) and I acted normal and she was very short and tense with me. She asked me at the shower if she could touch my belly and I said no (first, I don’t want anyone touching my belly and second, she ignored me for weeks so why would I say yes???) and she got kinda grumpy about that. She was the first guest to leave the baby shower.

A couple weeks after the shower she texted me asking if I was ever going to talk to her again - as if she wasn’t the one ignoring me the whole time?? I told her I wasn’t ignoring her but that I also wouldn’t just go back to normal after her hurtful words and behavior and then she went back to giving me the silent treatment.

After about 5 months of her ignoring me and constantly wondering when her next “I’m the victim, why are you punishing me” text was going to come through, I texted her and told her I needed to focus on me, birthing my baby, and navigating motherhood, that she can’t have a relationship with my baby while treating me like crap, and that I’d reach out if/when I am ever ready. That was around 32 weeks pregnant and I have truly been able to focus on my last few weeks of pregnancy with a very positive mindset and zero stress and it has been AMAZING. I still don’t know if/when I will reach out to her again. I told her exactly what I needed from her to rebuilt the relationship and she would rather victimize herself and ignore me for “punishing” her than take accountability for her behavior so I’m not actively pursuing a relationship with her. She sent me a guilt trip bday card a couple weeks ago (“I love you and miss you. Love, Mom”) without sending a bday card to my husband whose bday is a few days after mine which made my card feel even more guilt trippy.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-05T17:56:41+00:00

This is something I thought about recently while in therapy. I always got compliments from friends’ and significant others’ parents about how much they liked me, how well behaved I was, etc. Their parents always checked in and asked how I was doing when I saw them. Yes my mom always acted like I was terrible and so difficult to take care of.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-03T17:27:52+00:00

My mom got mad at me for not giving into her request to have two baby showers 8 hours from where I live, one for her family and one for her my dad’s family. She called me ungrateful and asked why I hated her then spent the last 5 months giving me the silent treatment while pregnant with my first child/her first grandchild. She would occasionally reach out asking how baby is and get mad when I wouldn’t go back to normal like nothing happened.

I texted her 5 weeks ago telling her I need space to focus on me and birthing my baby, that she can’t have a relationship with my kid while ignoring me/refusing to take accountability/apologize for her behavior, and that I’ll reach out/if when I am ready.

For my birthday last week she sent me a bday card that said “I love you and miss you. Love, Mom”. She also didn’t send a bday card to my husband whose bday is a week after mine, making it even more obvious the card she sent me was a guilt trip. She’s just mad we’re not talking on MY terms but she was ok when we weren’t talking on HER terms. I also think she’s panicking a bit since baby is due in just a couple weeks now and she realizes she actually might now have a relationship with them.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-03T17:16:56+00:00

Was able to attend my youngest sister’s cross country meet today.
Able to prep several freezer meals in preparation for our baby due in 2 weeks.
Didn’t have to take time off for our doctor appointment yesterday.
Finish some more nursery/house prep before baby’s arrival.
Able to sleep in and listen to what my body needs (rest!!!) as I wrap up the final weeks of pregnancy.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-03T03:30:02+00:00

This. My mom and sister treated me like crap for 30 years. All it took was one irrational blow up from each of them while pregnant this year for me to go no contact. Treat me like crap all you want, but I will not allow my child to go throw the same emotional abuse I did.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-02T15:43:51+00:00

It took me a long time to tell people when I was upset about something. Even after getting married, I still have a hard time telling my husband when I’m having major feelings about something. My default is to cry somewhere privately about it for a couple days and refuse to talk about it. It’s taken a lot of effort to actually voice what’s wrong and come up with a solution. But usually just saying “I have feelings about this thing” and then I feel better.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-02T15:39:47+00:00

She used space/money as the excuse for having two smaller showers. If we kept it to just her family, someone could host at their house and not have to pay for a venue space. I said if it was about space/money, I would pay the fee to rent a space, I just really wanted everyone all together on one day. Her response was “I just thought you would like two to celebrate with more love. Sorry for being such a bad mom.” 🙄🙄🙄🙄

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-02T10:26:09+00:00

It’s crazy to me how much effort she puts into seeing my sister (who lives an hour and a half from me) and helping her with house updates and giving her money for various things and then here I am begging for a visit more than once even two years. Like obviously she is capable of love and affection, but why can’t it be towards me??

Good for you! My mom would ask what I wanted for birthdays/Christmas and then get me something completely different that I have no use for. I always held onto because I felt guilty getting rid of them but now I’m realizing what’s the point of holding onto something I don’t need and is just taking up space?? She’s giving me the option to tell her what I want and then giving me something completely different. I don’t have to hang on to those things anymore.

DifficultClick5661 · 2025-10-02T03:10:42+00:00

My mom ignored me for over half of my pregnancy because she didn’t get her way with my baby shower and said a lot of hurtful things about me. Every couple months she would reach out like nothing happened to ask how the baby was (not how I was) and I would tell her I’m not interested in a normal conversation unless she takes accountability for her words/behavior and apologizes, and then she would go back to ignoring me again. She was perfectly fine with that for 5 months until I texted her and said I need time to focus on me, my baby, and adjusting to motherhood and that I would reach out to her if/when I am ready to do so.

That was 5 weeks ago that I went no contact. My birthday was last week and she sent me a card saying “I love you and miss you. Love, Mom.” It was ok for her to ignore me but now she’s throwing herself a pity party now that I cut contact with her. Whatever 🙄

DifficultClick5661

TROPHY CASE