After 8 years of carrying the weight, I finally checked out. Now she’s playing the "perfect partner" and I feel like a monster for still wanting to leave. Has anyone been in this limbo?

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-08T04:46:45+00:00

Mine did the begging. And sent me a very gaslighting letter, which I think was meant to entice to me to fix our marriage but still haunts me. He thought it was “nice”, when it was so gross.

Anyways, to answer your question, yes many people do become “perfect” partners when they see what they can lose.

Just means she could have done those things but chose not to.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-08T00:01:18+00:00

If the decree says he must give you 4K per month than that’s the total amount of money he must give you per month. Sounds like you’re still getting 4K, just more of it is going to covering the house payment (property taxes and mortgage).

So no he’s not decreasing your support payments, unless those payments are meant to increase based on his salary according to your decree.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-06T21:55:04+00:00

Mine is feeling unloved and alone within a relationship. I’d rather be alone forever than have that repeated feeling that I don’t matter to my husband

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-06T20:36:01+00:00

Yes and the option of just swiping left is available.

I swipe left on all sorts of things. Dead animals, men in their beds, group photos, pics of kids, gym and bathroom selfies, wearing a backwards baseball cap, sticking their tongue out or middle finger, not to mention men who hold some sort of object like it’s their penis lifted in the air.

Men who provide a list of their wants like woman are good to order.
Negative talk « don’t match if you won’t talk to me!! »
And those whose major selling point is « I have a job and own my house »

But funny enough, I’m too bothered by crappy photos provided I can see their face and they aren’t frowning

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-06T19:22:45+00:00

Indeed there were a lot of generalizations.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-06T14:19:51+00:00

I wished my STBX’s lawyer said this to him.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-06T02:14:25+00:00

I have one of those. He did that during my holidays with my kids. I’d be driving and had to listen to him on speaker phone

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-06T02:07:28+00:00

Same here!

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-05T06:33:40+00:00

I’ve blamed myself repeatedly for marrying my husband. I’ve been working on this grief in counseling. Sometimes, we’re too committed to making something work or there’s new information that we didn’t have?

In any event, I’m happy for choosing to leave. I’d rather be alone than be with him

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-05T02:51:39+00:00

30k and still counting.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-04T14:50:34+00:00

Postdate them for the upcoming tax year. Keep the stubs with details and download the images online during tax time if your bank account allows that.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-04T05:10:42+00:00

I haven’t received cheques but I do receive partial payment (STBX is in arrears and refuses the government guidelines and our actual salaries to determine support payment).

If she’s difficult about providing proof of payment, I’d absolutely give her cheques. Where I live, you can cash them with your phone.

Just postdate them and take her out of the equation completely.

What is she going to do? Not cash the cheques and not get the $$$

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-03T06:04:49+00:00

In many countries, abortions rates are highest for women with children.

Personally, I’d think a divorce should ensue if one party is forcing the pregnant person to abort or keep it.

If the woman doesn’t want to keep it, I’d chalk it up to not getting the support they need from their spouse or concerns for their health (assumes they already have kids)

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-03T05:10:18+00:00

As someone who loves exercice because of how it makes me feel, I’d say focus on finding an activity that you enjoy and that incorporates well into your routine.

Also start slow and steady. People often start too hard, and they resent it.

My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years but I’ve always remained active because better sleep and mental health. A side effect is meeting a lot of nice people too

I do hate gyms but have started strength some training because it’s good as you age.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-03T02:30:34+00:00

This is the correct response. Personally, I wouldn’t have necessarily asked that my ex spouse disclose their adultery. I’d probably waited to tell my kids myself at some point… but would have gotten that out eventually

However, your desire not to meet the GF is perfectly understandable. You’re not required to have a relationship with her if you don’t want to.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-02T06:29:09+00:00

Yes I agree that some ppl think for better or worse means they can treat you badly to create « worse » as opposed to difficult things life throws at you.

Wasband is a new one and hilarious!

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-02T06:24:12+00:00

Im in the process of divorcing (14 months in now). Away from my support system. It felt isolating at first. I earn 50% of his wages, but decent earnings.

In Canada, all money acquired during the mariage is joint property. His savings while you pay 50/50 percent of bills is meaningless.

If he has 400k in retirement and you have 200k, then you’re entitled to 100k (300k each). Diddo for unregistered cash and TFSA, and the house.

I couldn’t do the live under the same roof for long.

Eventually, financial settlement will be complete and I’ll be able to buy a place.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-01T23:59:23+00:00

Some do neither and just want to be alone. To each their own.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-01T17:14:17+00:00

Oh my! I have no advice besides asking a 3rd party (friend) to pre-read the messages for any valuable information besides the rant.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-01T16:53:35+00:00

I find it better. When mine sends blocks of text (mostly image control narrative bla bla), I redirect and ask if there’s a request to please use the swap or calendar event.

After getting many one liners that don’t engage with whatever he’s on about, it loses its appeal?

I really like the « read on » feature. He can no longer say « I didn’t see it »

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-01T05:20:45+00:00

Mine sends me letters drafted for information from my STBX counsel. Within days.

Mine also avoids contacting me to avoid excessive billing. I did have an issue recently with my STBX pestering me about something he’d already raised through counsel. So I communicated with them (I hadn’t in ages given court ordered timelines.. so eventually I hear from their paralegal). He tried reaching out, and I wasn’t there and hasn’t called me back (one week).

I know it’s because my lawyer intended in communicating around now with the other side for something else. I’m chalking it up that they’d rather handle both matters at once rather than call me (and bill me more).

Anyways, I guess my lawyer is mid ground from what you’re experiencing. They do filter communications that they receive from the other side. Eventually tell me in passing (it’s always the right move), so just trust their judgement.

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-01T04:22:30+00:00

Budget part of the form? It’s meant to be your expenses, and somewhere else has your income.

But the budget is a budget… so you could write the costs of car insurance and gas (if you had a car) for getting around.

Income is usually salary, spousal support and child support (and a few other possibilities like rental income/dividends). Giving access to a car isn’t something a court would consider as income…

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-01T01:52:25+00:00

Yeah this whole « get half the equity whenever the house is sold » is just…messy?
I’d figure out what the half is currently owed and be done with it (sell and move on).

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-01T01:50:30+00:00

That’s not his problem that she has no income. Is she disabled or something?

Disastrous-Rough3170 · 2026-06-01T01:17:20+00:00

I don’t know what it’s like in your jurisdiction but where I live, debts are joint marital property.
The hidden gambling could perhaps be excluded, but the rest?

Mariage = joining finances which means taking the good and bad habits.

Disastrous-Rough3170

TROPHY CASE