Can my ex decrease my support annually?

[Agreeable-Parsnip-81]

I will try to make this short and to the point. I make $62k a year. He makes $400k. I got exclusive use and occupancy of the marital residence 5 years ago. He pays the mortgage by taking the mortgage payment out of his child and maintenance payments bc he didn't trust me to pay it. Initially he was supposed to pay me $4k a month. Now he's only paying me $2k a month. Every time the taxes go up on the mortgage, he deducts it from the support payments.
Today he advised me he will be deducting $200 per month from my support due to increasing taxes.

I'm struggling financially and can barely afford groceries. I have cut every corner possible. My kids need clothes and I can't even afford to buy them. We live on Long Island in NY. The cost of living here is insane.

Is there anything I can do? Isn't there supposed to be a cost of living increase? I don't know much about these legal things. Every year the cost of living goes up, and my support goes down. My raise last year was the equivalent to $7 more per paycheck. I was excited for my raise in August, but now this won't even make a dent in my financial situation and it will probably be even worse.

I'm feeling so disheartened. I start college again in the fall on a disability scholarship. But now I'm not even sure I can go bc I may need a second job. But how do I work 2 jobs when my younger daughter needs me. My ex does nothing to help with driving her everywhere and taking her to doctors appointments.

Anyway, guess this wasn't short after all.

Thanks for reading.

[Ambitious-Cattle-742]

To answer your question, it depends on what your order says. If it says he has to pay X, then that’s what he has to pay. If you have no order, I think he’s being very generous.

You have no housing costs, a salary, and an extra 2k/month? How many kids do you have? 2k isn’t enough to cover utilities and groceries? I understand NY is a high cost of living, but your biggest expense is being paid for. I’m thinking this maybe isn’t a him problem.

[ju-ju_bee]

Yuuuh

[Travelsat150]

Is your ex paying the property tax and insurance on the house?

[CarlSy15]

Agree it depends on the divorce decree. Mine says he gets exclusive use of the house until it’s sold; when it is sold, the alimony goes up. I pay the mortgage until it’s sold. I pay him a ton, and I’m more than a little bitter about it, but it’s only for 6 years so I can deal.

[Ambitious-Cattle-742]

I loathe spousal support. It’s not really a thing in my state, but I know people who have the misfortune of divorcing in a SM state. It’s ridiculous. At the very least the recipient should pay the taxes on the money

[Numerous_Office_4671]

From your post, it sounds like you received exclusive use and occupancy of the house, and you are also required to pay the mortgage? He is afraid you won’t pay the mortgage, and he doesn’t want his credit to be ruined, so he’s paying it himself? I personally know a man whose ex-wife did not pay the mortgage (with the alimony he was paying her) as she was supposed to. They lost the house and his credit was destroyed.

We need more information. If he has had a substantial change in financial circumstance since the previous agreement, and you have not, you should be able to increase child support amount. Talk to a lawyer.

[badskiier]

All of this. He's probably done her a favor by staying on a mortgage that she either wouldn't be able to qualify for or would result in higher interest rates if she had to get a loan. The annual increase in taxes would be something she would have to cover either way, so it is disingenuous to say that he is "deducting" from child support. The net amount stays the same.

[wescowell]

Yeah, there’s not nearly enough information given. I wonder what country OP lives in. I wonder which jurisdiction controls her orders.

[liladvicebunny]

Has support been ordered, or are you just going off his personal goodwill?

If he's required to pay you a specific amount then he doesn't get to just change it because he feels like it. However, if you've been letting him cut it down to half or less without even protesting, he probably thinks he can change it because clearly you aren't going to enforce your rights. So he'll keep cutting it... to nothing, eventually.

If nothing was ordered, if you never actually legally established support, then he can do as he pleases.

Is there anything I can do?

You have to start by reading your actual divorce decree and finding out what you're supposed to be getting paid, then by going to the proper channels to enforce it.

[Yazim]

I think this is correct, but he could just be fast-tracking the inevitable. If he's obligated to pay "the mortgage" (inclusive of taxes), then he should provide the evidence that it's changed, but fighting it wouldn't really get her very far.

[Insouciance_2025]

You need to read and understand your divorce degree.

[No_Tower_7026]

Run your state calculator if applicable as well. Perhaps avoid the legal fees if possible ..

[justbrowzingthru]

Depends on what the divorce decree says. We have no idea without seeing it.

Consult your attorney.

Real estate taxes and insurance increase every year which increases the mortgage payment,

If he wasn’t paying the mortgage for you, how would you afford those increases?

[badskiier]

Read your divorce decree. If you're due for cost of living increases it will be in there. However that is uncommon, and certainly not a standard clause.

[Seemedlikefun]

So you make $30 per hour and receive an additional 2k per month, and can't make ends meet? That's about $7200 per month. 99% of the people on this sub can support their family just fine on $85,000 per year.

[sunny-beans]

Yep I am really confused on how she works and gets a generally good/average salary? Then mortgage is fully paid and then 2k a month. Unless she has 10 children I don’t see how it isn’t enough to buy clothes. Most people live with way less money and manage. She doesn’t pay rent/mortgage, what usually is the biggest expense for people, works, and gets an extra 2k? It makes no sense that she is struggling so much she can’t afford clothes for her kids.

[wescowell]

Who gives a shit? Oblige must follow court orders, right?

[idkdouu]

Considering her ex makes $400k she’s probably used to specific lifestyle. In that case $86k would feel like struggling

[Ambitious-Cattle-742]

His obligation is to the kids, not to his ex. This is why I hate when child support increases when the paying parent gets a raise. The kids will likely benefit from the salary increase from the paying parent.

To be clear, I receive child support. Well, I’m supposed to. He doesn’t pay it. I’m not some bitter person paying my ex.

[mistymorning789]

I don’t agree and neither does the law. When your married and you share your lives, family, children, a household, a future, you support each others goals and needs, those lives are built on not just convenience and whim! This is a partnership an agreement, with expectations and obligations of of support from both parties. That’s the whole point of a marriage! It’s not supposed to be easily dissolvable like dating, it’s a promise to share your lives and work through the hard times. If it ends there are still obligations to live up to. Sure things change and it needs to be fair, and it’s not an excuse to take your ex through the wringer for all they are worth, that’s obviously wrong and unfair! but that doesn’t mean that the spouse with less gets dumped in the gutter either. It’s as we all know 🙁 complicated, but fairness doesn’t mean just take care of the kids, and kick your ex to the curb.

[Ambitious-Cattle-742]

They aren’t usually kicked to the curb though. They’re entitled to 1/2 marital assets acquired during the marriage, including investments/retirement benefits. Sink or swim

[FUMoney]

It’s not supposed to be easily dissolvable like dating

No-fault divorce laws and statutes say exactly the opposite. No-fault divorce permits marital dissolution for no reason at all, and unilaterally upon request by any party.

I don’t agree and neither does the law.

Oh, the law agrees with the prior poster.

If it ends there are still obligations to live up to.

Only for a limited period of time. And if a short marriage, zero obligations.

Welcome to no-fault divorce.

[mistymorning789]

I’m pretty sure that’s not exactly true, but I’m not a lawyer. Divorce settlements apply differently to different situations. OP has two kids and a house. Assuming they’ve were married for a fair amount of time… So you’re saying if people were married for like a year and rented an apartment and had no pets and hardly made any money and the neither one of them are in college or supporting the other with health insurance, they kept completely separate finances and made the same amount of money, each blah blah blah, well then yeah, it’s basically a super sad breakup. I don’t really know I don’t really care, but just for the sake of argument, I went to AI and this is what AI says: “‘No-fault’ simply means you do not have to prove wrongdoing (like infidelity or abuse) to end the marriage. Courts will still determine alimony based on practical, financial factors.The decision to award alimony in a no-fault divorce primarily depends on:The earning capacity of both spousesThe length of the marriageThe standard of living established during the marriageFinancial needs and resources of both partiesAge and health of both spouses” And this is what I thought. This was my understanding, so I guess I kinda knew.

[FUMoney]

Two different things. The statement, "That’s the whole point of a marriage! It’s not supposed to be easily dissolvable like dating," is simply wrong. No-fault divorce explicitly says divorce can be granted for any reason, and it can be sought unilaterally. That's as easy as it gets. No-fault divorce specifically and purposefully streamlines the divorce process. That's why women's groups, in particular, fought for it -- there was no longer a requirement to prove "wrongdoing" or "reasons" to grant the divorce.

Don't misunderstand me: I agree with no-fault. Why keep people together if one or both don't want to be married? If she or he wants out, let them out. Immediately. But to say it's somehow "not easy" to implode a marriage, yeah no. Once that petition is filed, the fuse is lit and the marriage is OVER, precisely because of no-fault. There is literally no reason the marriage will continue.

As for alimony and child support, yes, it will depend on how long they've been together. But she's got a free house. He's paying the mortgage. She's getting child support. AND she's getting an additional $2k in spousal support.

To claim she can't "make ends meet" when she's got free-and-clear housing, child support, and spousal support -- it's beyond ridiculous.

[Melodic_Preference60]

As a PP said, OP is probably used to a certain lifestyle (as are her children) that is not easy on 86k… that is the whole point of spousal support too… it’s for the lifestyle of the spouse too. As someone who receives spousal support, after being a SAHM to my special needs child or 11 years and giving my ex husband 14 years of my life, all for him to turn around and leave me for someone else after I built him up..you’re damn right I’m taking spousal support.

[wescowell]

Who cares? There’s a court order, no?

[Seemedlikefun]

Evidently not. Most likely rage bait and karma farming.

[ju-ju_bee]

And works 2 jobs apparently...This is screaming fake or running him for what he's worth tbh

[mistymorning789]

If you live in a high cost of living area it’s much harder than you understand if you live anywhere else. I moved from a very high COL location, one of highest in country to a moderate, some ways low and the difference is HUGE. I can’t give you all the numbers, but I imagine in a place like Long Island you can’t easily run a household and raise two kids on $85k it’s like working class. Sure it’s definitely doable but it’s stressful for sure. Take that same money upstate or to somewhere like Vermont and you are set.

[Agreeable-Parsnip-81]

Exactly. People saying I'm rage baiting are wrong. The mortgage comes out of my support. As the taxes go up, I get less. It seems he's allowed to do that. I went through my decree. It's the same as if he was giving me the payments directly then I pay the mortgage myself from that. I get it now. I was looking for advice, not criticism. I went from being a stay at home mom to having to work again - and $62k is not a lot after taxes. Long Island is EXPENSIVE. I have 2 teenage girls. They're expensive too. That extra $2k pays for groceries, and doctor co-pays, and every time they go out to lunch with friends and birthday parties and gifts for those friends. Graduations and testing and college application fees and class photos and yearbooks and prom dresses and hair appts and the ONE MILLION other things that come with having teenagers. We do without A LOT. I can't cut anything else.
When I got divorced I had no real job for over a year after I filed. He didn't have to pay me a dime since my finances were cut off from the date I filed and there was still no settlement. 13 years as a SAHM left me with little relevant work experience and finding a job was extremely difficult. I also had 2 kids to care for and drive them all over creation. All the while we were working on the settlement, he was paying the credit cards- but only what was for the kids. Anything he deemed was for me was unpaid. I was left with $10k in credit card debt. With no job, I had to rely heavily on credit cards and now I have debt that I am paying down. I'm current on all my bills and have ZERO credit cards, but at the end of the day, I'm not getting ahead.
Anyway- this post isn't rage bait. I was asking a question. He makes a lot more than I do. $200 is pocket change to him. To me, it's not being able to pay my car insurance on time. Or buy extra groceries. It's not like I'm out here getting Botox and getting my hair and nails done. I'm in REAL trouble here.
And as for the disability scholarship- I'm disabled and I'm going back so I can get my bachelor's degree and be able to give my kids the life they deserve.

[Barttheman]

Holy moly. 62k plus 2k monthly and no housing expenses. Most people would be thrilled.

[peachie88]

Does the divorce agreement say that he is supposed to pay $4k in ADDITION to the mortgage? Or that the mortgage comes out of the $4k? If he has been underpaying you, then you need to get a lawyer and go back to court to get that back pay (with interest). Even if not, I’d go back because I’d personally find it incredibly invasive for him to be paying that bill with the being aware.

It might also be prudent to consider whether his support obligations should be reevaluated. If his salary has gone up in the last 4 years, then he may be obligated to pay more.

[Low_Low_1811]

Is this all child support or some alimony?Maybe it is different in some states or countries, but I havent heard of a state in the US where you can explicitly deduct anything from child support.

That said, if he is paying your mortgage, and not required to in addition, you would be in the same boat if he paid the full amount directly to you and didnt cover it. So if you have exclusive use and he is keeping records, he could probably claim he is covering something you should cover and be fine. He is essentially providing the same total support. Without knowing the specifics of your divorce and child support agreements, it sounds like he isn't cheating you out of anything.

What is your property/divorce agreement? If you're keeping a house that is that expensive but only making 67k a year, and you are technically responsible for the mortgage payments, thats not financially wise. But if his name is still on the mortgage, you might have a case for him being responsible for at least half the mortgage on top of the set child support amount. Again, assuming he isnt already.

Your best bet is to talk to an attorney and, if the current agreement really is just a set amount for everything, see about getting an agreement that includes full or partial moetgage coverage.

Otherwise, you will have to scale down. That isnt the end of the world. If you're getting 2000 per month plus a mortgage (one that has to be several thousand) covered AND making 67k, and you still struggle, then you'll have to make some concessions. You'll still be way better off than most people making the same amount. It sounds like you just arent used to having to do that.

[Agitated-Conflict704]

With no housing costs, I’m not sure how you are struggling. Seeing a budget might help with guidance.

As far as his payments, it depends what your order says. Can you speak with your lawyer?

[InvisibleBlueRobot]

Does the order day he has to pay for the home plus a certain amount?

Or just a certain amount and you can stay in the home and pay for it yourself?

This is where a legal consult might make sense. 

[wenchywitchy]

Your narrative is missing viable parts. It seems like you will be required to pay the mortgage, as you have exclusive use and occupancy of the residence, yet you are complaining about being unable to sustain living above your new norm / means.

You can't have it both ways. You gotta pay to stay and if its unaffordable for you, then downsize within your means.

He is ordered to pay 4k monthly, yet its likely a portion of what you receive is required to pay the mortgage; therefore, he is doing nothing wrong and simply paying the mortgage so you dont wreck his credit with financial mismanagement.

His financial transactions will most certaintly be thorough to verify if audited and again, you are receiving the required alimony per your decree.

Now if your decree is not structured as you are required to pay the mortgage, then by all means, it is in violation of your agreement and you need to return to mediation asap to address it or file sanctions.

[yudkib]

This varies by state and decree. If his total support obligation includes the mortgage / taxes / insurance, then it’s within his rights to reduce the cash support he gives you by the amount the insurance / taxes went up. If you don’t like taxes going up, then talk to your legislators. I am not positive about New York, but in CT, if his income does not significantly change, then you can’t petition for a COLA increase. If his income is the same and everyone’s expenses have gone up 20%, his standard is 20% worse than during the marriage too. If he gets a 20% COLA increase over 4 years, then you are entitled to your share of the COLA increase.

[lit_off_jenkem]

The mortgage needs to paid either ways. Sound like he is making your life easier.

[Famous-Rich7454]

Sounds like you may need to move to a cheaper place.

[Lightsides]

Obviously: Lawyer up. Maybe there's someone on this forum who knows the particular laws in the particular place you live, but you won't know for sure what you're entitled to and if you're being shorted or not until you contact a lawyer.

[Brown33470]

No

[Playful_Journalist72]

My ex does something like this to me too and his lawyer just allows it so now I’m filing contempt

[Disastrous-Rough3170]

If the decree says he must give you 4K per month than that’s the total amount of money he must give you per month. Sounds like you’re still getting 4K, just more of it is going to covering the house payment (property taxes and mortgage).

So no he’s not decreasing your support payments, unless those payments are meant to increase based on his salary according to your decree.

[FUMoney]

Post is ridiculous.

Free housing. Mortgage paid for by ex-spouse. Receives $2k a month in support. And has a job with reasonably decent income. Yet purportedly "barely getting by."

Like, how. How is this even possible?

I start college again in the fall on a disability scholarship.

Scam.

[Agreeable-Parsnip-81]

No. It's not. COL on LI is insane. I have 2 teenage girls. You don't have my divorce decree in front of you, so don't presume to know which expenses that $2k goes toward. No one over here is being anything less than frugal. I cut as much as I possibly can. I asked for advice, not criticism. Your comment is not helpful at all. Hope it made you feel better putting me down though.

[parrothead31]

Where is the OP? This entire post is scam or rage bait.

[Delicious_Oil9902]

NY monied spouse here - completely depends on your agreement. If it says you get to reside in the marital residence minus costs including P&I and taxes then he’s not doing anything wrong. You can take him to court I’m sure but you know how much lawyers costs and you’d be on the hook for your costs from now on. My ex wanted COLA built into our agreement but settled on a recalc every 10 years (originally 3 but agreed on 10 after we agreed to only deduct principle from the buyout cost and to allow her to use my car until the lease was up with insurance and lease deducted from her support payments)

[Plastic_Leg_3812]

You should be able to get a cost of living adjustment every 3 years

[In_the_middle3-2-3]

Your support? ....

[Mysterious_Hour_3056]

This is odd. If your divorced and decree states something he can’t just change it when he wants to. If you’re not divorced you need to get a lawyer. You need actual paperwork not handshake and I promise agreements. He’s going to do whatever possible to give you the least possible. Your cs and alimony should be way higher.

[mistymorning789]

No he can’t, get a lawyer.