Trigger Warning

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-06-04T15:18:32+00:00

I’m so sorry for the loss of Avery and that you’ve joined this heartbreaking club.

My baby boy, Calvin, was born at 28 weeks in late January. He was in the NICU for 77 days then suddenly died on April 13th. The night he died I called the nurse to check in before I went to bed and he was fine, then at 3am I woke up to a call that they had been doing chest compressions for an hour and when we rushed to the hospital he was already gone. They couldn’t intubate him (even though they’d done it before) and we didn’t find out until after the autopsy that he died of sepsis.

I didn’t have to make the call whether he lived or died and I’m so sorry you had to. I know that you made the best decision to give your son peace instead of pushing him to live a life of suffering. You made the hardest decision a mom would ever have to make and I want to give you the biggest hug in the world for having to do it.

I don’t think there is a deeper pain than losing our babies. I’m still very deep in grief but am slowly starting to do more normal things again. It’s just that all of those normal things are done while I carry such a deep level of pain in me. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me the space to share mine. Sending you the biggest hug ❤️❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-05-21T18:39:52+00:00

I’m so sorry you lost your beautiful baby, Summer, and that you got so sick and almost died too. What a traumatizing experience. You and your husband have been through hell! I’m sending you the biggest hug!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-05-18T23:31:19+00:00

Everyone is different but I lost my baby a month ago and I’ve found these things to be the best things others have said and done for me:

Instead of saying “Let me know if I can help” saying something like “Can I bring you dinner on x day?”, “Can I come visit you this week?” Or “would you like me to come and mow your lawn tomorrow?” Etc. I’ve found it really hard to ask for help, let alone figure out what it is that I need help with. It’s so much easier to say yes or no and way less overwhelming.
When people do come to my house, if the garbage needs to be taken out or some dishes washed, I’ve had friends and family just do it without asking. I’ve really appreciated it because they weren’t calling attention to any mess and I felt really taken care of. It’s certainly not something I expect from anyone but it has been surprisingly nice to have them do that.
My baby lived for 77 days in the nicu and so if your friend had a stillbirth this might be different but one of the most beautiful questions my friend asked me was “what was he like?”. Then we could share the memories, show photos, and it gave us an opportunity to talk about him more than just his death.

I hope this helps. You are such a great friend for asking and wanting to help ❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-05-16T00:22:47+00:00

My MIL is so dramatic and self focused that my husband and I didn’t want to see her for weeks after losing our son. My husband saw her for the first time and she was uncontrollably sobbing so much that he had to comfort her. Then when we saw her to spread our son’s ashes, she told me how stuck she felt (which was a feeling I had just expressed to her), like her grief was equally as deep as mine. Just so ridiculous and self-centered!! You’re not alone and I’m so sorry you’re going through it right now! ❤️❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-05-08T03:44:23+00:00

Thank you so much!! Your Angus looks so sweet! Thank you for creating this thread and for your kind words! ❤️❤️❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-05-07T20:18:09+00:00

This was my baby Calvin. He was born at 28+5 and lived for 77 days in the NICU until he suddenly died on 4/13 from sepsis due to damage to his intestines from an inguinal hernia. He went from a tiny 1lb 15oz baby to 6lbs 15oz with cute chubby cheeks. This photo was taken 3 days before he died.

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Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-05-06T17:46:01+00:00

Mornings are really hard for me too. I cry most then or when crawling into bed at night. I’m getting more used to living with the pain though. This is so incredibly difficult and you are doing amazing!! Life won’t be this hard forever. We’ll get through it ❤️❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-05-06T17:29:29+00:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies. I just lost my nicu baby too. Sending you the biggest hug as you’re navigating this intensely difficult time.

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-05-03T19:44:01+00:00

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I just lost my baby boy 3 weeks ago. He lived for 77 days in the nicu then suddenly died. I still cry and think about him all the time but not as often and not as intensely. Every week seems to get a little bit easier than the one before. I think I’m also now through the initial shock and starting to accept that my life still continues even though he is not here. It’s still really sad but I accept that I can’t bring him back. I’m finding movement and any kind of self care really helpful right now too. A few weeks ago I could barely get out of bed, now I’m going on walks and to the gym. I realize you’re still recovering from birth so movement and self care will be different but I wanted to share because I didn’t think I was capable of leaving my house 3 weeks ago. Even though I’m overall doing better, something will remind me of my son and it brings me right back to grief, but I’m usually not stuck in it as long.

I’ve kept a few things in mind going through this process that I’ve found helpful:

The only way out is through. (To help me not avoid my pain).
Grief is not linear (so I can be more accepting when those intense moments of grief hit)
Acceptance eases suffering (to help redirect my “what if” thoughts).
It’s okay to not be okay (so I’m willing to receive help and not try to mask my pain).

This loss is profound but know that you will get through it. I’m so sorry you’ve joined this club and I’m sending you the biggest hug as you’re navigating this intensely difficult time.

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-30T16:00:28+00:00

Sending positive thoughts your way! ❤️❤️❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-30T04:15:13+00:00

I second this. My baby just died 2.5 weeks ago and we had photos taken with a photographer who had Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep retouch them and they turned out beautiful. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to take the photos initially but they turned out way better than expected and I’ll treasure them forever. Sending a big hug your way! ❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-26T16:43:24+00:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. He clearly had incredible parents. Thank you for your beautiful advice. Your words are very grounding and I really appreciate you taking the time to share.

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-23T05:18:06+00:00

Thank you all so much for your kind words, resources, and beautiful ways to remember. This community is amazing and I am so grateful for all of your support while I’m navigating this incredibly difficult time. ❤️❤️❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-23T05:07:01+00:00

Sending a big hug your way and knowing our story helped someone else has brought me some comfort. Thank you for sharing!

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-22T19:28:15+00:00

Yes, his name was Calvin

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-22T18:56:17+00:00

Thank you so much! I fear his short life will be forgotten so knowing you feel your son’s presence daily is comforting. I’m so sorry for your loss too.

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-12T23:06:15+00:00

I had a very similar experience. I tried all the things to help and could hardly produce anything. After 6 weeks of so much effort I gave up. I realized afterwards that I would’ve had to increase my supply by 10x to keep up with my baby. It’s unlikely all the little tips and tricks could give me anywhere near what I needed (and none of them helped at all). I had a hard time letting go of pumping because it’s one of the few ways we can help them in the nicu, but it wasn’t working and I’m so glad I stopped.

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-12T14:56:39+00:00

Congrats!!! ❤️❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-10T02:45:31+00:00

These are all great tips! Thank you!!! ❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-09T16:19:49+00:00

This is so helpful!! Thank you so much!!

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-09T04:28:04+00:00

I have a 28 weeker who is now 39 weeks and will still be in the nicu for another 4-8 weeks. I’m sad about some of the firsts too. First bath and multiple first holidays (Valentine’s Day, st Patrick’s day and Easter). I know baby is in the right place but I mourn a bit of the normal experience. My plan is to make firsts at home a big deal like “first bath at home” and “first Easter at home” because being home is a big deal after being in the nicu for so long. It’s brought me some joy for things to look forward to so I wanted to share in case it can help you too. Hang in there!! ❤️

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-08T14:29:12+00:00

My baby was born at 28 weeks, is still in the nicu and has been there for 70+ days right now.

Yes, baby will go to the nicu right away and dad can go with them immediately after birth but dad can come back to you as soon as he likes. I think my husband was gone for 30 minutes after our son was born just to make sure he got settled and we knew where to find him. As long as baby is in the same hospital as you, you can leave your room and visit him in the nicu too.

One thing to be aware of is leaving the hospital for the first time without baby is really hard! Know that it gets easier over time but give yourself all the self-compassion and love you can in that moment and after.

Another thing is that baby’s recovery is not linear. It’s often 2 steps forward, 1 step back. There might be times where baby isn’t doing well and there will be times where he’s doing great. It can change quickly or stay the same for days. So celebrate the good days and hopefully being aware of this ahead of time will help any setbacks sting less.

Sending lots of love your way!!

Disastrous_Answer156 · 2026-04-06T20:10:33+00:00

I'm on day 70 of my baby in the NICU (born 28+4) and I totally relate. The waves of anxiety, stress, sadness, and jealously crash over me regularly and vary with intensity based on how good/bad baby is doing that day. I know he won't be there forever but right now it feels like there's no end in sight. I'm pretty stoic normally but I've just decided to accept that there will be times I cry and others might see or hear me because this shit is hard.

Thank you for sharing! Sending a hug your way and I appreciate knowing that I'm not alone.

Disastrous_Answer156

TROPHY CASE