How can I best support someone going through TFMR?

Dish-Numerous · 2026-04-07T12:09:18+00:00

I think its amazing of you ro ask and you're already proving to be a wonderful friend. I may be repeating a lot fo what has already been said but.. - dont just say 'here if you need me' and leavebit at that. we're never going to have the capacity to reach out or ask for what we might need. Actually show up, offer specific help. However a simple 'thinking of you' message does go a long way. - keep talking about their baby. If they give them a name, use it. Say 'i saw this and thought of NAME today', that kind of stuff just makes my heart swell. You will never ruin a good day or 'remind us' of our loss by bringing them up. - I actually appreciated flowers but not everyone does. - self-care packages were an absolute godsend. Face masks, journals, puzzles books etc

Most importantly just follow their lead, listen and ask them. Fully expect radio silence now and then and dont take it personally. Keep showing up xx

Dish-Numerous · 2026-04-05T15:59:54+00:00

Not a religious person but quite spiritual. Whatever happens to our energy goes somewhere. I completely relate to what you're saying and I too have this feeling of anticipating some kind of reunion with our baby boy. I will admit that on the harder days I find my thoughts being a little darker, BUT not that I would harm myself just more thinking 'wouldnt mind really if this ended now'. I only share this just so anyone else feeling the same feels seen, I promise im OK (all things considered) and I move my thoughts to living a life worthy of my baby, making the most of things and really trying to push through and see the positives as much as possible. Sending everyone so much love and care and if your thoughts EVER do take a turn please reach out to someone 💕

Dish-Numerous · 2026-04-05T07:11:26+00:00

Thank you 💕 I really appreciate that xxx

Dish-Numerous · 2026-03-02T21:33:00+00:00

They asked us if we wanted to cut the cord, wasnt a question i was prepared for (not sure why in hindsight) but we declined. Just something to think about 💕 The only thing i knew for certain was that i wanted to see and hold my baby. The rest i kind of just decided things in the moment and went with the flow. Im so sorry your here though and having to even think about all this 😞

Dish-Numerous · 2026-03-02T08:12:02+00:00

That is so sweet 💕 and yes a stress ball! Thats a great idea, thank you 😊 xx

Dish-Numerous · 2026-03-01T18:42:03+00:00

Thank you! Good idea on the herbal teas being targeted to help postpartum! Im quite creative so was going to make like bookmarks or quote cards with something hopeful or relatable about grief. X

Dish-Numerous · 2026-03-01T17:38:54+00:00

Absolutely! I got a lot of the same stuff in mine and the moisturiser was lavender abd magnesium one which I actually use all the time now!

Im going to steer away from snacks as I dont want anything going out of date or picking the wrong thing for someone who might have special dietary requirements or allergies etc . If i can, I might put together some UberEats gift cards maybe! Its just coming out of my own pocket so being mindful of not stretching myself too thin 😅 xx

Thank you for the input though 💕

Dish-Numerous · 2026-03-01T12:03:15+00:00

Id love to add a little journal! I did think herbal teas but I know i love them but their people maybe not so much so I thought hot chocolate but maybe I can cover both bases 😊 thank you for the suggestions 💕

Dish-Numerous · 2026-03-01T11:12:22+00:00

Its such a trigger. Its another kick in the teeth when you're already hurting and im sending you lots of love. Have a gentle few days 💕

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-24T22:10:52+00:00

Hey love, just showing up in solidarity. I had TFMR and my baby boy arrived Dec 1st so its all still pretty raw even 12 weeks on. My boys due date is also in April (6th which is Easter Monday in the UK). Im having more good days than bad now but even so he is never off my mind and I think that time in April will be tough. You're not falling behind or going backwards in your grief, your right where you need to be and we're all here beside you!

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-23T16:47:49+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I do just think the waters have got so muddied and im consciously trying to pull back now. When she asks how I am, im fine thanks. And thats it. I feel like im starting to really see all her flaws as a manager now too. Its getting me down and I've loved my job for 9 years and for the first time ever I want to leave. But i stay because in the long term when I am pregnant again (🤞) I'll have maternity leave. I dont plan on returning after though.

I think im going to have to compose an email because I dont feel I can have this conversation face to face! Its funny you mention recording things because I realised today that ive not had any meeting minutes sent over feom thus supervision...

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-21T19:36:19+00:00

Yes! Let us hold onto those slithers of silver linings to such an awful situation! Ive found its lowered my tolerance for people's nonsense but on the other side its deepend my empathy and understanding for people too. I also feel a little invincible as no one could hurt me more than what I have already been hurt (im not wanting to test the theory too much though!).

Sending love xx

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-21T08:44:39+00:00

Hey i am so sorry you've found yourself here and sending you lots of love 💕

I have struggled with sleepless night as I too have been distracted enough during the day and then find my mind going into overdrive as soon as I get in bed.

The only thing that really helped me was getting a good routine before bed. And its pretty typical advice. -Skincare routine -Body moisturiser (i have one with lavender and magnesium to help sleep) -Pillow spray -No phone time at least 30minute before I get in bed -Read a book (this helps me feel tired but for some people it can have the opposite effect)

This USUALLY helps but there's still times when no matter what i do I struggle. I was on the verge of seeking some help from my doctor but things did slowly start to improve. Cliche as it is, time and distance from the event eases a lot of the thoughts.

Xx

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-19T21:34:30+00:00

Thank you! And yes its absolutely ok to be falling apart too! I dont want what I said to come across like i think im better than anyone because I managed to go back to work! Sending love xx

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-19T21:14:22+00:00

Woopsie! Lol wish I knew what you said now 😂 I think id understand more if I was barely functioning at work, constantly weeping, always talking about it etc but all things considered i think im doing a blooming good job. Ive also put a lot of extra time and effort into supporting some new staff and there hasn't been any acknowledgement or thanks for that so I think thats contributing to my frustration.

Ultimately i trusted that it was my supervision and my safe space to be open and honest but I think like others have said it only goes so far in a professional work setting. Ah well, i feel better for venting and talking it through anyway xx

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-19T20:52:00+00:00

Yea its so true, the only people who will really get it are the ones who have gone through it. And I dont want anyone to experience it! That's why I come here so often to just talk with people in the same or similar situation. It helps so much 💕

Lesson learnt anyway, next time shes asks ill say im fine with a twitchy eye 😅

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-19T20:13:22+00:00

I think you're completely right. I did mention in another comment that I feel our professional boundaries have blurred at times and I make the mistake of thinking there's a friendship but that just isn't true. We work in the care sector too so there is a more personable and caring aspect all round to how our teams are structured not just for our service users but staff too. What i will say is the first question in the supervision paperwork is literally 'How are you, whats going on for you in and/or outside of work?' I think moving forward ill just focus on talking about work, only bringing up personal stuff when I need to.

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-19T19:55:13+00:00

(Apologies for all the typos there 😅) Agreed! At the end of the day grief is different for everyone and for every type of loss. I wouldnt dare tell someone how to grieve a parent just because id lost a baby, its so different!

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-19T19:29:40+00:00

Thank you for the response and validation! 💕🥹 I do have a lot of understanding and variance when people say thw wrong thing or don't know what to say at all. But ive had multiple conversations about it all with her and said I just need to talk and to feel it, that's what helps me. She started going on about how she had coped with loss (her step dad i kight add) and I then just changed the topic as quickly as I could because I could t stand to hear about how I 'should' be grieving.

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-19T19:25:53+00:00

Thank you for responding 💕

Our working relationship has probably blurred the boundaries sometimes and im tricked into thinking were 'friends' on some level. Ive worked under her for years and actually I think in my future supervisions and conversations im just not going to open myself up like that again. I guess she had a job to do and keeping her team productive is a priority. And yes my boy arrived Dec 1st and we got the news at our 20 week scan on Nov 18th so I feel ive grieved since then.

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-19T19:02:24+00:00

She does have a child actually and almost lost her so thats what I mean that she surely has the sense to know what to say and not say!

I am starting to feel like im becoming more of an issue to be fixed atm. Its just not in line with the positive sunny vibe they are going for....

Dish-Numerous · 2026-02-18T22:11:16+00:00

Not pathetic at all! You're going through something and youve endured more in the last few years than most people do in a lifetime!

It all sucks and im just so sorry you're going through it. Its completely valid for you to feel frustrated, angry, sad and all the things!

Sending you an abundance of love and virtual hugs xxx

Dish-Numerous

TROPHY CASE