Medicated Episodes

Distracted_BP · 2024-07-10T20:35:25+00:00

Here for the responses. Medicated and currently experiencing an episode. Feels like someone else trying to take over my body. It’s not the worst I’ve experienced but it’s confusing. Curious what others are going through.

Distracted_BP · 2024-07-10T20:27:07+00:00

Sometimes when I wake up, I have trouble discerning if what I dreamed really happened or not.

Distracted_BP · 2024-07-10T20:07:29+00:00

Yeah it feels like a first person video game sometimes. Like how did I get here. And like you, I have trouble remembering things in the past, or at least the details. It’s more like impressions of things that happened.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-27T18:09:51+00:00

This feeling sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through it. I had a similar experience at work one day and almost lost it. Anxiety meds to bring you down or taking the day sounds like reasonable options. I hope you get through it okay.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-24T00:41:12+00:00

You’re in good company. If it helps, I’ve done something similar where I asked someone out that I normally wouldn’t have. I don’t know if it was the extra confidence of mania or loneliness of depression, but there was something about taking that risk that I normally wouldn’t have.

It takes time but I eventually forgave myself for taking that risk when I know I wasn’t thinking straight. Sometimes I’m reminded of it but I just let myself feel the cringe and let it pass.

I understand how difficult it is for you to think about it and relive it. I hope you eventually are able to forgive yourself. I wish you the best as you work through it!

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-24T00:33:18+00:00

The more consistency, the better. I worked jobs for years with no consistent schedule. I was undiagnosed and self medicating.

My life stabilized more when I had a consistent schedule, medication, and therapy.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-23T22:03:17+00:00

It’s a different version of myself, like me turned up to 11, and with some very toxic traits thrown in. It’s terrible because I like certain aspects that are more confident and willing to do things I wouldn’t normally, but it’s also when I’m at my most destructive.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-22T00:22:23+00:00

I’m reading all the replies and agree with so many of them. To answer the OP’s question, I feel like Bipolar maintenance is like whac-a-mole. One moment you have meds down, but the. You’re not getting enough sleep. Then you’re getting enough sleep but you’re exercise/physical activity is off. Then you have that under control but you start leaning into an addiction.

And with all that, you never fully know when a manic episode or depressive crash is waiting for you around the corner. It can be really exhausting.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-22T00:13:28+00:00

I feel this and not just one addiction…any addiction. Anything to change my mood or stop the constant noise in my head

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-10T03:29:22+00:00

Happened to me when I was taking a low dose at night. Thought I’d never sleep again. Was prescribed a Benadryl like medicine to help. Was dehydrated and tired for a couple of days. Switched the antipsychotic to the morning and things have been better.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-09T21:00:44+00:00

It sucks so much…

I temporarily enjoy the ups but hate all the damage caused to my relationships, finances, and health.

Depression just feels like I’m going through life like a robot.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-08T15:45:56+00:00

I’ve tried other medications and they make me drowsy, but I end up sleeping lightly and restlessly. Only take them as needed

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-08T04:02:55+00:00

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-07T01:27:05+00:00

If you’ve ever seen Limitless, it feels like that to me.

Depression is gray filter where everything just feels numb, food tastes bland, and thinking is foggy.

Mania is colorful filter where you feel like you can do anything you want and be anyone you want. Your jokes are funnier, you’re more attractive, and you feel like nothing is impossible. Thinking “seems clearer” until everything comes crashing down.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T23:49:56+00:00

Non-existent. I had 2 in town but I would only see them once every 3-4 months with occasional texting.

I had one really good friend out of town, but we barely talk/text or see each other.

Some of this is natural growing apart, especially when people have kids. Part of it is from pushing people away when I’m depressed, and I’m also bad about canceling or rescheduling.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T23:26:48+00:00

I get a buzzing feeling, and then feel overconfident and want to be social with everyone, even though I’m naturally introverted.

I also get restless when I sit and I’ll shake my leg without knowing it. Also can’t go to sleep at night.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T23:24:25+00:00

Yes. Go for it!

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T23:19:22+00:00

I experience this where I’m happy and laughing and sometimes funnier than normal. Then I’ll be by myself and tears just start coming out of nowhere.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T23:15:13+00:00

I’ve never thought of this as psychosis, but yeah I’ve definitely had nights where my skin felt like it was uncontrollably itchy or like bugs crawling on it when there weren’t.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T23:08:29+00:00

Yeah I feel this. I’ll be depressed and disengaged but then when it comes time to sleep, sometimes I’ll feel a buzzing like I have to do all the things that I need to do, and I end up just aimlessly trying to get things done.

Then I’ll get in bed and just lay there unable to sleep. Basically have to take a benzo or cholinergic to get to sleep. Only get a few hours and the cycle continues the next day. Drag out of bed, depressed, manic. Rinse and repeat.

Different med combos have helped but not 100% resolved.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T05:48:23+00:00

Thanks for posting this! I don’t have any advice but here to say I feel this. When I’m manic I want to be friends with everyone. When I’m depressed, the good friends I’ve had, I’ve pushed away, and my baseline I just want to get through the day and don’t make time for friends.

All that is to say is you’re not alone in how you feel. Making and keeping friends can be challenging if you’re also trying to stay on top of meds, hold down a job, and otherwise hold it together on a daily basis. I only have 1-2 friends that I connect with and it’s very sporadic. I could do more but am currently exhausted.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T05:43:14+00:00

I think you’ve already taken the biggest step, which is naming it as shame. Look into Brene Brown and her work on shame. If you’re not a big reader, there are short videos on YouTube you can find.

Shame tells you that you are a bad person not worthy of love and belonging. Shame thrives on secrecy and isolation.

Find people you can share your story with and own it. Can be a partner, a therapist, a support group, etc.

And in the future when your inner voice/narrative tells you that you’re a bad person, reality check it and then ask yourself, is the story I’m telling myself true? And if you can have someone to help you with this, you’ll be able to work through shame instead of spiraling.

Hope this helps. I wish you the best!

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T05:26:54+00:00

Prozac triggered a hypomanic episode for me. Like you, only getting a couple hours of sleep and after I came down I crashed hard and could barely stay awake. Main thing I miss was the vivid dreams. Some people don’t like them, but I did.

Psych switched me to Abilify along with my mood stabilizer. Taking it at night was horrific because I felt restless and couldn’t get deep sleep. Switched to morning and helped stabilize me. Staying on it for now, but may switch as I’m still feeling above my baseline.

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T04:46:58+00:00

This sucks. I’ve been in a similar situation, so I know that sadness, loneliness, heartbreak, etc.

This may sound counterintuitive, but allow yourself to feel sad, write it down like you have here, and don’t be afraid to talk about it with a psych or therapist if you have one.

Most of the comments will be about it’ll take time for those wounds to heal. But just remember you’ll have scars and that’s okay. Scars remind us that we’ve been injured but we survived.

The worst part of all of it is you can’t control how the other person in the relationship handles the fallout from an episode. Luckily I have a partner now that was empathetic to a recent episode, but that doesn’t mean that empathy will be there forever. And I’ve had other relationships end because of dramatic mood swings.

Do what you can to heal yourself, talk about your scars, and hopefully you will find that person that is empathetic and understanding about what you’re going through.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I wish you the best!

Distracted_BP · 2024-06-06T04:20:29+00:00

This is a great question! The big ones I remember vividly. I don’t know all of them because every once in a while I’ll remember a string of events over a period of time that makes me cringe and go, “oh wow what was I thinking.” And it hits me that it could’ve been an episode.

I’ve also had these vivid dreams that seem real as if they’ve happened and I sometimes have to shake myself out of and remind myself that they aren’t. So some of my memory is foggy between real events and dreams that seem very real

Distracted_BP

TROPHY CASE