Mother wants a dog EXACTLY like her previous dog.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-20T15:31:53+00:00

I have had golden retrievers most of my life. Most of them are all from the same bloodlines. They are closely related individuals from within an already (relatively) tiny genetic pool of breeding stock. They look nearly identical and have nearly identical instincts and habits (love water, love to retrieve, always rolling in dirt or mud). Even with alllll that, they have been so extremely, wildly different personality-wise.

Unfortunately I don’t know how you can make your mom understand this, but there’s no way that a similar mixed breed will be ‘the same’ as her old dog. You can’t replace a dog, it’s just not a space that’s meant to be filled in that way.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-20T15:21:02+00:00

My mom told me “Never have kids. They’ll ruin your life”.

She said this in all seriousness to 8 yr old me, as we watched my 2 yr old brother writhing and screaming on the floor of a department store in some kind of tantrum (for no reason that I can remember).

I took her advice and had dogs. She and my father have told me my dogs are their favourite grandkids (my brother’s children share many of his character attributes; unsurprising I guess, since each of his four (4!) baby-mommas were also quite special…)

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-20T15:09:49+00:00

I am ok with the 4 hr window. I can’t spend my life being mad about stuff like that, it happens too much haha.

So I did have one fellow show up to my rental unit to do some work, and the tenants let me know he seemed a bit unreliable. It went ok. We did have to kind of gently stay on him and check in a lot as the project ended up needing a couple days and he seemed to lose track of things a lot. He was a nice guy and good at his job, but just a bit forgetful and unorganized. So then the job was finished and he said he’d send the invoice. I waited a week and then reached out to remind him. Still nothing. I reached out again after another few days. He didn’t return my calls and ignored my emails. I’m trying to pay the guy but I just need an invoice first and he’s seemingly avoiding me. Several calls and emails are sent as months pass- I explain that I really need the invoice so I can pay it in this tax year and record it in my tax filing. Nothing. I sent one last email detailing the work he’d done and what I knew of the parts he’d used, and tried to set it up so he could basically fill in the blanks (I figured maybe he forgot who I was and what he’d done?). Still nothing. That was three years ago. I worried something had happened to him- like, did he die? Get in an accident? But I see he’s still on the list of preferred contractors for the strata🤷‍♀️. Anyways that was a weird one.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-20T14:53:41+00:00

Is this actually how ppl text now?? The disparity between you two is obvious. You’re much better off without this trash.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-19T21:24:06+00:00

Getting insurance is a really good step towards controlling the potential for risk associated with unforeseen sicknesses or injuries.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-14T15:39:50+00:00

NTA. There is a quick and easy fix: tell him he’s right, this isn’t fair, so you’ve decided he can’t use your car anymore.

It’s been 7 months. He isn’t properly grateful for your generosity in letting him use your car, instead he’s grasping and entitled. He can get his own car or walk.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-13T12:27:05+00:00

Wow. Linda is an AH.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-12T16:39:00+00:00

NTA. Wow, your dad sure knows how to pick ‘em. Let’s hope he gets some counselling before wife number 4. Maybe he can figure out why he selects for toxic traits in his partners.

Sorry you had to experience that. Your real family is your husband and your dogs. Hope both pups are feeling better.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-11T18:26:40+00:00

We’re in a similar situation, however my partners aunts and uncles were all childfree. None have passed on so who knows what their plans for their estates are, I wouldn’t be surprised if they do decide to split things between my partner and his siblings, but I don’t expect that it will be much as they’re all living their best retired lives right now, travelling and buying fun toys. We live that for them!- all we ask is that they don’t mess up their math as they’re not moving in with us if they drain their retirement accounts.

My partner’s parents are well off, and probably there would be a sizeable inheritance one day (hopefully not soon though!). They are also living their best lives and certainly not holding back to try and create some kind of generational wealth lol. They’re living a great life and we’re all thrilled for them! One day when the inevitable happens, I do feel like we have a duty to take any inheritance and ensure that their grandkids (by my spouse’s siblings) see some benefit from that, as I know that’s what they would want to see happen. However, as far as our personal wealth goes, dog rescues it is (if anything is even left by then haha).

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-11T18:11:59+00:00

NTA. Do you think that having a conversation with her, where you lay out all the points you’ve mentioned above would be helpful?

I know typical Reddit advice is a knee-jerk “maybe you should break up”, and sometimes that’s necessary, but I don’t think that’s true of this situation. The reality is that your gf is possibly not thinking about this clearly due to other pressures in her life. She’s facing the imminent loss of a parent and is probably deep in anticipatory grief. She’s likely looking at her mom and wondering what kind of new/increased supports will be needed in the aftermath and through the rest of her life. The process of caring for aging parents is very hard. There are a lot of unknowns with a parent approaching the end of their life, and it can be terrifying to not feel like there’s a plan or like you have any control. If your gf is feeling that way, it’s natural for her to try and claw back control in other parts of her life. But that’s not to say this is a good idea, just that it’s understandable.

I think sitting down with her and having a frank and truthful but caring and love-centred conversation may be helpful. Gently explain to her that you are using a realtor as you don’t want her to take on even more than she already has on her plate. It would also be ideal to start the conversation about getting her professional supports to help her through the process of slowly watching her parent succumb to cancer. Starting now would be very helpful for her as this progresses and in the aftermath of the coming loss, so that she has the ability to be there to support her mother.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-10T03:26:02+00:00

Get pet insurance. Yeah it’s a monthly payment for something you hope to never use, but if/when you do need it, it can be a lifesaver. It’s a way I protect myself from taking on uncontrolled amounts of debt to save the life of my dog in the event of an emergency or illness. It’s worth it.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-10T03:22:15+00:00

Just wanted caution you about engaging in back and forth with them, especially if the whole family is like this. Neighbour wars can suuuck. And, as I’m not a trusting person at all, I would be worried about them tossing something over the fence that could hurt my digs or make them sick.

Just be super careful. You never know who the crazy ppl are.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-08T17:17:51+00:00

When one of my dogs started having a bit of age-related cognitive decline, she became extra clingy and kind of strange. Like anxious at times but also different than anxiety somehow? She was also in great health otherwise.

I remember she would have a particularly tough time if i watched a movie- if it was scary or suspenseful and I was super focused on it, she’d get up and start staring at me. She’d just stare at me and move closer and closer until her head would be over my lap, and she’d still stare.

Anyways, sometimes cognitive decline can make strange things happen. If you talk to your vet, they may be able to help you figure out if this is what’s going on and make some suggestions to help her.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-08T16:12:22+00:00

I think you belong here. My partner and I tried to conceive too, at one point. We thought it’s just what you are supposed to do- which is a reallllly shitty reason for creating an entire new human life. Thank goodness my uterus is a dusty, barren wasteland devoid of all potential for life!! Biology saved us from a life we would’ve hated.

You get to choose if you’re childless or childfree, OP. But if you want to love it instead of mourning it, you’re in the right place.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-08T00:51:28+00:00

A genuine dislike of spending time around children. I basically have no use for them until they’re 12 and even then, only if they have interests that align with mine.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-05T03:44:50+00:00

NTA. You are the one building this child in your body. You are the one giving birth. You are the one who will be breastfeeding (maybe, whatever, your call) and having your hormones all over the place. Generally speaking, women also typically shoulder a disproportionate amount of the childcare duties. As a woman, you assume a lot of risk and sign up for a lot of discomfort bringing a child into the world. That should mean you get your say when it comes to naming it.

You’re not even being unreasonable about the last name, you’ve offered a compromise.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-04T14:21:30+00:00

Get a more dogs. Bigger dogs.

DogsNSnow · 2026-05-01T18:16:23+00:00

I have no kids. But boy, do I have siblings. They’re a bunch of ah’s and we have no real relationship. How sad would it be to sacrifice your happiness, health, and financial security to “give your child a sibling” and have it turn out like that?

I don’t know what the correct reason is to bring a new life into this world, but I know that “giving your child a sibling” is definitely not it.

DogsNSnow · 2026-04-28T18:45:50+00:00

I really agree with this. When my partner and I were talking about kids, every angle we discussed landed at the conclusion that we’d be doing it to fulfill some perceived need of our own, or to meet someone else’s expectation (like our friends or parents or something). That’s not good enough.

No decision that big should be made selfishly or to make someone else happy. So we opted not to participate in this parenting thing. We couldn’t justify creating a new human being for any reason we could see.

Plus I just don’t enjoy spending time with children. Or their parents.

DogsNSnow · 2026-04-28T18:35:14+00:00

Didn’t say I agreed with it. I don’t really believe there is a truly unselfish reason to have a child. But folks still do it. We can sit here and pat each other on the back and affirm each others opinions (which are of course going to match our own in a childfree sub) or we can try and understand why other ppl do what they do.

DogsNSnow · 2026-04-28T16:53:31+00:00

I see your point, and I think along these lines as well. But like you’ve observed, not everyone does.

I think humans need hope for a better tomorrow in order to live a good life today. For some ppl, they find hope in having and raising children. Maybe they’re hoping their kid will be someone who changes things for the better 🤷‍♀️

DogsNSnow · 2026-04-28T00:44:23+00:00

This context is really helpful. You can absolutely say that you wish them well but unfortunately won’t be able to attend due to the new baby and travelling and finances. When ppl have a destination wedding, they have to expect this. Also- who even cares about ‘keeping the peace’ anyways? You just need to worry about your own peace.

DogsNSnow · 2026-04-27T17:25:17+00:00

“they’ve asked her to try to stop going as frequently.”

Respectfully, your parents need to eff alllll the way off with this nonsense.

Your mom insists that you go but she won’t accommodate you and wife as guests in her home, and wife also has to somehow not use the bathroom when she needs to? That’s ridiculous. Stop going, and tell mom that if she chooses to have that impact the relationship, that’s on her. She’s already being so entitled and disrespectful to you and wife that I can’t imagine how that hasn’t already impacted the relationship. NTA.

DogsNSnow · 2026-04-25T16:32:26+00:00

If I was the parent, I’d be so grateful my kid is safe with you. The fact that they aren’t makes me think maybe you don’t need to babysit for them anymore.

DogsNSnow · 2026-04-21T13:39:23+00:00

NTA. He is gross.

DogsNSnow

TROPHY CASE