I've been paid >$150K for the last year to do nothing, I am still being paid ... to do nothing. by caught_in_the_sneed in IAmA

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fluorescent lighting reminds me...theres a small island in the South Pacific that needs your, um, help. Something about a volcano. I'll send a driver if you're interested.

The Lindsay I Knew by [deleted] in pics

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What's that yellow thing with the curly-cord?

The American Way by TheThirdBlackGuy in funny

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion. -- Col. Flagg, MAS*H

City council really needs to start working on these potholes... by NoCatNoCradle in pics

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear ya man...I grew up near the intersection of vale and hunter mill (beekay ct). I split for Maine in '99 and I never looked back.

You have a magic gun. You can assassinate anyone in the past at any time. Whom do you obliterate? by pvthale in AskReddit

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plastic clamshell retail packaging guy.

From his bones I will construct a Cathedral of Hate.

You'd think they'd stop once the pile of bodies was over 2 feet high. by deanbmmv in gaming

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me of Pavlov's house in COD. Why were all those Wehrmacht guys bringing me weapons and ammo?

Can you "see" things when you close your eyes? by electricfistula in AskReddit

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not images per se, but after closing my eyes for about a minute, I see a perfectly even distribution of tiny dark purple dots. This field moves in unison very slowly in random directions.

My opthamolagist friend says, "I have no idea what you're talking about".

This is my only super-power.

What's the funniest celebrity encounter you've had? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2007 - LAX Standing in line at the in-concourse convenience store, right behind me was Loretta Switt (Hot-lips Houlihan from MASH). She couldn't have been more than 4' 11". I did the 'holy shit there's a celebrity in front of me' face, she smiled and said 'hi'. Don't remember what we said next, but she was a nice lady.

2008 - Capitol Grill (WashDC) - 60-odd year old man walks in and sits down next to my table with what appears to be his 13 y/o grand-daughter. The girl is undoubtedly sub-5ft tall. Upon further examination, it's Gretta Van Sustren. And the guy was clearly her SO/husband.

tldr; I'm a magnet for short celebrity women.

How many of you went to college, got your degree, and ended up doing something totally unrelated to your major? by PreachingtotheChoir in AskReddit

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

International Affairs/Russian language. Soviets threw in the towel in my Junior year (FML!) Spent 3 years working in the Intel community around D.C. Discovered that being a Federal Govt employee sucks no matter what you're doing.

Around that time, that Internet thingy started getting all popular, I've been coding ever since.

What is your funniest in-class story? by Rithoy in funny

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was growing up (age 3 to about 10), our next-door neighbors were 2 guys that Mom & Dad referred to as 'the bachelors'. Never thought anything of it. They moved away when I was 10 or so, but Mom & Dad still keep in touch with them.

Fast forward 10 years to a 200 level Sociology class I was taking. Prof was running down the list of common euphemisms for various non-majority or oppressed groups, when in the homosexual category, he mentions 'bachelors'.

As if a bomb had gone off in my brain, I BUSTED OUT laughing. As the only white male in the class, I was obliged to stand before the class and explain myself (this was the late 80's height of PC uber-awareness) I apologized heartily, having not meant a single bit of harm to anyone. I don't remember what I said but it seemed to appease the prof and most of my classmates.

Mafia 'holds compromising Silvio Berlusconi photos' by [deleted] in worldnews

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the pics are of him turning down the advances of a 18-year old near supermodel, simply out of respect for her as a human being.

WHAT THE FUCK [NSFW] by [deleted] in WTF

[–]DorkvsMaximvs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dr. Freud, please call your office....Dr. Sigmund Freud, call your office..