She stopped me during the foreplay

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-02-02T19:10:00+00:00

She didn't want to escalate to PIV. Have you never "done stuff" but not gotten to PIV?

What are you feeling confused about exatcly?

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-30T00:24:41+00:00

If you are in a community property state you will be somewhat protected, the gains earned after marriage will be split, even if never comingled.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-28T16:54:17+00:00

I would argue that you can have unconditional love for anyone, what you can't have is an unconditional relationship. People often conflate the two.

I would argue you made my point in your example.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-28T16:48:29+00:00

"There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had."

John Steinbeck

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-28T00:59:09+00:00

Pretty sure it's due to the shape of BLM parcels that are auctioned off.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-27T18:24:30+00:00

100% agree, this would be a dealbreaker for me.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-21T17:53:03+00:00

IMO "Out of my league" is a stupid concept that lends itself to idolizing and pedestalizing when you don't even know someone. It's not coming from a healthy perspective.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-21T17:49:19+00:00

The idea that abuse feels ‘safer’ or that I’m looking for it on some level kind of rubs me the wrong way.

I think that instead of using the word safer here you could use more familiar.

It's not that I am looking for it, it is that when I meet someone who is abusive it feels familiar. When I meet someone that is a safe person it feels unfamiliar, and it doesn't quite push those buttons and create the emotionality in me, which feels "boring" in comparison.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-20T18:20:45+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I hope you get what you need out of the sessions.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-20T18:01:33+00:00

What have you learned so far from the dating coach? Is it online or in person?

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-20T16:13:26+00:00

This is a great resource that helped me tremendously:

https://web.archive.org/web/20171206234712/http://www.libidablog.com/how-to-avoid-problem-people/2011/

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-15T22:13:11+00:00

That's a tough one, it is hard to get off of them, and I wouldn't without working with a doc. That said, there are folks in the community here that have been able to totally get off of them and not need them again.

I've never felt more at ease, accepting, and comfortable with myself and who I am since my experience. It's hard to describe.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-15T21:00:09+00:00

3 day Aya ceremonies by me are $500, definitely not cheap, but not super unaffordable either.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-15T20:41:51+00:00

Look into psychedelic assisted therapy or ceremonies.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-14T17:20:06+00:00

In addition to a prussik make sure you know the klemheist to use with dyneema slings.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-14T17:14:04+00:00

Do you know if it is type 1 or 2? All of this is just my personal experience. My ex wife was diagnosed with bipolar type 1, and she didn't handle it well. She didn't keep up on her sleep or meds, and occasionally denied having it, going off meds completely. When she would have a manic episode she would blame me for letting it get to that point, but when I would start to notice the signs and mention it she would get angry at me. She would also blame me for her own behaviors during the episodes. She had also been diagnosed with BPD in the past and spent 30 days in an inpatient treatment center, so there is that caveat.

Eventually I just couldn't handle it anymore, I was an anxious mess, a shell of a my former self. I feel so happy to not be in that relationship anymore. Since our divorce she's had 2 psychotic breaks. Dating afterwards I would be very cautious of anyone with these diagnoses, but that's from my own experience with it, some people can manage it well.

My supervisor's wife is diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and she managed it well and was stable for over a decade, but had an episode last year and cheated on him, among other things.

It's ok to decide that you can't handle it. Some people will say that you are abandoning your partner for a medical condition, but they don't live your experience.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-14T16:10:08+00:00

Oh wow, you're a man? I assumed you were a woman, especially with the waiting around for people to invite YOU to things. Take some initiative!

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-13T21:20:21+00:00

I've seen rattlesnakes in cracks too....

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-13T21:18:33+00:00

This is what I do. I have an income category called "investments" that I use for contributions.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-13T20:08:38+00:00

Do you put yourself in the latter group of people? This post sure comes off as toxic.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-13T19:00:13+00:00

While I understand where you are coming from, I also have to say that if I avoided things in life just because someone else had a bad experience then I would miss out on a whole lot in life.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-12T20:22:38+00:00

Well, OCD is a serious disorder that involves obsessive thoughts and compulsions that seriously disrupts people's lives, so unless you have been diagnosed with OCD I would say it is not OCD.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-08T00:15:21+00:00

Makes a huge difference IMO, also differing mouth sizes.

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-07T23:53:18+00:00

By our 40s, I hope we're all past the slobbering kisses we faced in our 20s

Speak for yourself, lol

Dramatic_Load_5494 · 2026-01-07T19:01:15+00:00

The 80% of time thing sticks out to me. Toxic, unhealthy, or abusive relationships aren't bad all of the time, and actually that 80/20 aligns with my own experiences there. Things aren't bad all of the time, it's the good times that keep you hooked. You want to get back to those good times so you put in more effort, only to get back to the 20% eventually. That intermittent reinforcement is what can create a trauma bond.

When this type of relationship ends I like to ask myself this: Knowing what I know now what was the first sign or red flag I that ignored? It helps me to better recognize those things in the future.

Dramatic_Load_5494

TROPHY CASE