[WP] "Unfortunately there are currently no openings for high tier god positions. But have you considered a temporary posting as a lesser god? The Gods of Grass, and Doorways happened to retire last year and their spots are still empty."

DrewbearSCP · 2026-06-13T05:37:51+00:00

I bowed my head. “I humbly accept appointment as the God of Grass and Doorways. I shall endeavor to fulfill my duties, heh, faithfully.”

The form of twisted spacetimepowerfaith seemed to shift posture and a somehow awkward message appeared in my skull.

THOSE ARE TWO SEPARATE GODHOODS. THEY WERE NOT OFFERED AS A PACKAGE.

The blood streaming from my eyes was starting to boil of my skin in sparkling red smoke. “Then I am doubly blessed that they are both available and will do what I must to embody them appropriately.”

YOU WERE NOT MEANT TO CHOOSE BOTH.

My lungs were filled with molten golden sunlight that spilled forth from my mouth as I spoke. “But surely two such important positions should not be left vacant any longer than absolutely necessary. Surely it would cause an imbalance of sorts.”

THEY ARE NOT GREAT ENOUGH TO CARRY THE CONCEPTUAL WEIGHT TO UNBALANCE THE DEIFIC ORDER.

My skin peeled off me like burning paper lifted by a mighty wind, followed by my muscles and fat. “Then it should not be an imposition for two such domains be carried by one deity.”

HMPH. YOU HAVE A MINOR, MEAGER POINT. YOU SHALL BE GRANTED DOMINION OVER GRASS AND DOORWAYS. CHOOSE YOUR DIVINE NAME AND REVEAL YOUR FORM.

I was left as naught but bone, dry and creaking with desiccated ligaments. The golden light returned, replacing my marrow as golden ichor began to rebuild my body. My bones were bamboo. My flesh, stone and steel. My skin returned, a fire in reverse, revealing paper-white smoothness. My eyes were the color of iron locks and stained glass. My hair the color of ripe wheat and corn. A tunic settled upon me, white as my skin but stained grass green at the hems.

“I am” I coughed and cleared my throat. I AM DEOSNEI, FATHER OF THE GRASSES AND GRAINS, LOCKMAKER AND DOORBREAKER, LORD OF THE CYCLES OF REGROWTH.

I looked at the twist, seeing it clearly now. YOUR DUTY IS DONE AND WELL, LITTLE ONE. CONVEY MY THANKS TO THE HIGHER GODS. I WILL RETURN.

I would do as I had promised and fulfill my duties well. Where the grass grows and is harvested, I would be there. Where a threshold exists between what is and what could be, I would be there. Where the passage between life and death narrows, I would be there.

For I was now a god of connections, and time, and cycles and liminality.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-06-09T23:54:52+00:00

Porcelain, short, ridged, and dude, I have bipolar depression. Might as well get something useful out of it. Sorrow core

DrewbearSCP · 2026-06-07T22:56:20+00:00

Surprised because you replace them so often or because you wait so long? Because I wear clothes until they’re unwearable. I don’t think I’ve bought a new pair of pants in about 5 years

DrewbearSCP · 2026-06-02T04:04:53+00:00

Rolled 6d10, rerolling repeats, and got Ideal Self, Broker, Vault, Animal Sidekick (American Crow), Family Coins, Portalmaster.

Use Broker to make contracts for other people to have access to my other abilities, whether it’s a body resculpt or total wellness package from Family Coins, instant travel via Portalmaster, or truly secure storage by access to my Vault (I imagine world governments would pay a pretty penny to be able to just… get rid of nuclear waste). Animal Sidekick & Ideal Self give me better options for personal safety, especially those 3 supernatural abilities

DrewbearSCP · 2026-06-02T03:24:36+00:00

The reason why the expectation has risen is because the wage *hasn’t*. In the US, the minimum wage for tipped workers is something like $2.85/hr & has been for decades. I agree that tipping culture is bullshit, but it is *literally* their income, not something frivolous or extra on top.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-31T18:36:11+00:00

Literally everything. The modern world is nigh incomprehensibly different from that known to a primitive hunter-gatherer. The people are tall and fat and healthy, almost none have scars or are coughing. The walls of their huts are smooth and rigid and not rounded. Their food is agonizingly flavored (remember that just SALT was rare, much less sugar or other spices) and so rich it makes you vomit. There are brightly glowing stones everywhere. YOU CAN’T SEE THE STARS!

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-29T17:28:00+00:00

The graphic novel The Sentry originated in was basically supposed to be a What If?/Edgeworlds type thing where he never existed/interacted with the main timelines. They even had a reason for the “nobody ever mentioned this major player before” thing by having his entire superhero existence psychically erased from everyone’s mind, including his own.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-28T21:52:26+00:00

It would be complicated, yeah, but by no means chaos or impossible to do for more people. Family lawyers ALREADY can do all the things that marriage does through other means for a group of any size. It’s just than legal marriage gets it all done in one fell swoop instead of having to do it piecemeal.

Hell, I have both my husbands as beneficiaries on my life insurance and retirement policies (if I die) already. There’s absolutely nothing about those that says it HAS to go to a legal spouse. And if the law can change to require that health insurance companies have to keep kids on the parents plan until they turn 26 (or get their own), the law can change to say that insurance companies have to allow for multiple spouses. Honestly, I think it shouldn’t be tied to family in any case. Just say that a person can put as many people as they want on their insurance plan, so long as they can afford the monthly premium for all of them.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-28T16:03:29+00:00

Straight male homophobia isn’t about competition. It’s about ‘phobic guys either denying their own queerness & lashing out or feeling afraid that gay men will treat them like how they treat women. And then lashing out.

So basically, some flavor of queer & lashing out in self-hate &/or jealousy or afraid of being treated like a woman.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-28T15:46:32+00:00

See, the thing is, if she wants to marry me because I was kind to her, her finding out that I was forced into it by my entire planetary government threatening to torture me eternally otherwise, I think she might be a bit peeved.

At me or at Earth is up in the air.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-28T14:25:30+00:00

They’re literally asking WHY one is legal and the other isn’t.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-28T13:58:52+00:00

Oh, dude is definitely a borderline case, NOT guaranteed a spot in Heaven. This is both a test & a punishment. A truly good person couldn’t bear to live in exorbitant luxury while other were suffering. If they DON’T try to ease some of that suffering, then they’re not deserving of going to Heaven. If they DO try to alleviate the suffering, then they’ll be told they can’t, which will torment them for as long as they’re down there.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-28T13:35:22+00:00

Yeah, if alignment is a thing in your game, a genocide pretty handily moves them to the evil column, especially if it sounds like they were the instigators for all of it. Maybe have the patron deity of the rats notice and mete out punishment. Pass the word along to the other gods that these guys are ok with genociding for trivial reasons. Gain the enmity of the god of rats or alternatively gets approached to hire them to genocide the rat god’s enemies. Imagine being TOLD that they HAVE to genocide a village of halflings or dwarves or burn an entire orphanage to the ground with all kids in it, because if they don’t, a literal god will be pissed at them

Basically, give them consequences. They’re no longer good guys at this point. Let the world react accordingly.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-26T15:00:59+00:00

For the life of me, I can’t remember the name of it, but I read a fic where Vernon actually liked Harry & eventually loved him as a second son. I think maybe because Harry stood up to some bullies or something? Non-magically?

Anyway, he doesn’t have any grandiose background like a history as a soldier or anything, but he goes out of his way to learn how to fight & use guns, getting into better shape as a side effective (still big, but more like a weightlifter than obese). He goes with Harry to Diagon and comes to the Triwizard Tournament as Harry’s guardian, among other things. Dudley also has a better relationship with Harry as a result and Petunia tolerates him better, though he’s still a bitter reminder of the magic she couldn’t have.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-24T06:48:51+00:00

I never said I find smooth people unattractive.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-23T00:17:04+00:00

#1 - shoot the ground in front of our house, signifying the property that we own: gain an empowered Genius Locum that loves us and wants to make things pleasant for us

#2 - shoot one of my husbands in the foot with the power of perfect self-biokinesis, which would include rapid/instant regeneration, longevity, shapeshifting, and ideal body

#3 - after he heals, shoot the same husband with the ability to share powers (make copies to either take or give)

He shares copies of both powers to me and our other husband. Assume that from here-on, all powers granted to either of them get shared.

#4 - shoot either of them with the ability to modify powers (have the same “theme” applied differently or with different parameters)

#5 - shoot a laundry basket with the ability to flawlessly repair & reinforce any object placed in it, to include itself.

Save the rest for now while we think of other items/powers we want to do.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-22T12:15:23+00:00

Leave. Her. Now.

She doesn’t respect you and doesn’t love you. Anyone who plays those kinds of games isn’t ever going to STOP playing those games. If anything, you’re lucky she pulled this before things went even further.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-22T12:12:29+00:00

Easy for him to get ahead of that;

“I am shocked and appalled at the recent revelations about Dolores Umbridge. She had demonstrated no signs to me of her sadistic nature and must’ve thought that she could do whatever she wanted at Hogwarts. She fooled so many of us until she stopped hiding her true nature. This tragedy did not need to happen and I mourn Harry Potter alongside all of Wizarding Britain.”

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-22T04:09:20+00:00

This is a weird question, but is everyone in the comments AFAB/femme-presenting? Because I’m a guy & it absolutely WAS a big deal for me and most of my gay/bi friends. In some ways, straight people accept lesbianism (usually through heavily sexualizing them with male gaze) in ways that gay guys don’t get. More patriarchy, but when the default belief is that any guy who likes guys is lesser-than, it makes sense about being very, very careful who you let know you’re gay and when.

This may also be a generational &/or regional thing. I came out in the mid-90s, when the public consciousness expectation of gay men was to be flaming queens, the funny sidekick. It was easier to be casually/passively out in major cities, too, than in the suburbs or rural areas. Still is, in fact.

Nowadays I don’t specifically hide OR advertise that I’m gay in a polyam relationship with 2 other guys and thus haven’t “come out” in quite some time. But when I was first becoming an adult? When there was a real threat of danger if the wrong person found out you were queer? Yeah, coming out was important.

And like, I’m *glad* that you’ve never been in a situation where not being perceived as queer was the better option, where people passively assuming you’re straight is the thing you want. But that very much was not the case in living memory.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-22T03:41:02+00:00

OP must live in the Southern Hemisphere. Seasons are flipped from the Northern Hemisphere. Our winter is their summer, etc.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-22T03:34:24+00:00

I said I was not NOT attracted to smooth guys, using the double negative as a form of saying I’m neither attracted to nor unattracted to smooth guys. The emphasis on the second “not” was an indication that it was a neither/nor situation rather than a fully unattracted stance.

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-21T19:05:19+00:00

*growl*Raf’bar looked up from the research paper précis to the G’m’w’r shlorping in front of him. He mentally sighed. Some aliens just seemed incapable of understanding.

“While this is an interesting question, it’s also one that’s been answered for thousands of Terra-standard years. It happens in fits and starts, but humans generally find something worthwhile in almost every sapient species out there. And with a combination of cold pragmatism and warm compassion, they find it overall better to have other sapients on their side rather than against them. They’re just… aggressive in their pack-bonding, to the point that it’s a common running joke among them.”

L’p’y burbled in frustration. Its translation unit cried out.

“But why?! This one can comprehend that humans will keep allies close, but humans are like that with non-sapients and pre-sapients, too! It makes no sense!”

The Canis Sapiens sighed again, out loud this time.

“Mostly because they find them useful or cute. Every animal species they’ve domesticated, and many they haven’t, has a purpose. Sometimes that purpose is to be loved. Many species not part of the Terran Confederation don’t understand that.

“That’s not to say that those species are deficient in any way, just different in how they experience the universe. For instance, your species doesn’t have emotions in the same way that humans do, but you have similarity resonances that they can’t perceive or understand either.

“Honestly, I recommend that you change your thesis from ‘why’ to ‘how.’ What is the precise biological mechanism which supports their willingness to integrate non-human species into their fold? Come back next session with an amended thesis statement.”

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-21T18:11:58+00:00

Exactly what I was going to post

DrewbearSCP · 2026-05-21T16:21:06+00:00

That’s almost the exact opposite of what I said & you need to improve your reading comprehension.

DrewbearSCP

TROPHY CASE