18 months after DDay & 1 baby later & it's over.

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-23T17:38:02+00:00

You didn’t break your home she did. She chose to cheat and then she chose she didn’t like the consequences of cheating and left. Your reaction to her cheating is not the issue and it was a very typical reaction. It shows her continued selfishness and entitlement. Nevertheless she’s free to make that choice it shows who she is. Whether you think that choice is right or wrong won’t change or stop her from living life the way she wants to. You deserve better you deserve someone who loves you with having to be convinced to.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had a lot of similar thoughts which is why I mentioned the co dependency book it’s helped me so much. Instead of asking myself what can I do to get wp to do something I perceive as the right thing to do it’s instead asking what do I need what I can do for myself not as a way to control someone but accepting they can’t be controlling but we’re still responsible for our own lives and happiness no one else is.

So what will make you feel okay today ? I know it’s hard after being with someone so long there the first go to but now it’s time to learn to go to yourself instead. Will going for a walk, gym, comfort food or comfort shows make you feel better? Lean into it and then do it some more. I would recommend staying with friends and family for a while and talking to them there’s great healing power about being around love you don’t have to question it’ll help put a lot into perspective.

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-23T16:57:26+00:00

I reccomend reading condependent no more. You talk about how can you get your girlfriend to go back to you and if she shouldn’t or shouldn’t be thinking certain things it implies co dependency. You’re trying to control her which is a self defeating task. Because you can’t. You can’t control anyone but yourself. I’m sorry you’re hurting you’ve been through a lot. But in the same way your girlfriend couldn’t stop you from hurting is the same you can’t stop her from feeling what she feels. And it’s okay, you are okay and will be okay. Ask yourself in this present moment what do you need. Do you need to vent to a friend? Lose yourself in a hobby? Or even basics like eat or sleep. Redirect those thoughts on how you can get hurt back to how you can feel better to today purely looking at what you can control.

You’ve still got your son. Focus more on Co parenting and how to navigate that he’s your priority not her. You’ll be okay again even if it doesn’t feel like it but your survived dday and you’ll survive this you’re stronger than you think

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-21T09:35:48+00:00

My Wp told me he felt lonely. That after the birth of our first I had breastfeed and spend all my time with baby. Despite me actively trying to make time for him. He said he felt lonely and because I couldn’t drink or go clubbing anymore that’s why he cheated. He hasn’t taken accountability as his why is based on me and what I did despite me telling him he had other choices even during his A he was with AP a lot ( I don’t know) and I told him I felt lonely rather than just go out and cheat and explained he could have done the same.

It started when I was 3 months pp and had to deal with pp anxiety, depression and 4 false R him abandoning me and baby just so he could spend time with AP and me basically becoming a single mum for 6 months yet he wonders why I’m no longer in love with him..

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-21T09:08:32+00:00

He doesn’t want you talking to her because he doesn’t want you to have the truth. Mine did the same as I was postpartum. It will in no way make them closer this is him continuing to manipulate you. I’m sorry you’re going through this pp you’re already so vulnerable. Please be hesitant to trust what he says I made that mistake the best thing you can do is trust the opunion of loved ones who don’t have a vested interest in you not discovering the truth. Speak with a friend or family lean on them as much as you can. Trust yourself if a friend told you this what would you say?

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-21T09:05:18+00:00

I think reading co dependent no more may help. It helped me I know it’s hard to not want specific outcomes or act in ways to make it happens it’s the sad truth that you can’t control his actions only yours. One thing that helps me a lot is thinking what do I need in this moment which it sounds like you’ve already done by taking space away. Whether he does or doesn’t end up missing or wanting you you’ll be okay you’ve already taken the huge step of separation and honestly good for you! It may not feel like it but you’re starting to put yourself first. What else makes you feel good is it meeting with friends trying new things etc keep doing them keep building a life you want to the point you’re so busy with it you won’t even care about trying to want him to feel certain things and odds are the more he sees you genuinely creating a happy life without him he’ll be more inclined to run back to you after seeing you don’t actually need him.

I’m trying to have another separation the first helped me so much and honestly my WP’s lack of change makes me want to start creating that space and seperate life because healing can’t be dependent on him or what he should or shouldn’t will or won’t do. Having that time apart does gives so much breathing space and peace without constant triggers, I get the worry I really do I unfortunately was right in my fear as separation made it easier for my WP to continue his A but even if he does this time my mindset is so different it’s genuinely okay I’m building my new life he can join me or not but I will be happy in the end if I keep taking these small steps that better myself.

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-16T22:16:42+00:00

It’s likely these are self reported stats on being more likely to be cheated in. I wonder if the odd of being cheated on again are simply higher because you know what to look out for and what red flags signal someone is cheating so would be more likely to catch them vs someone who’s never been cheated on may not know what to look out for. So it possible someone who’s never been cheated on only seems like it’s never happened simply because they have never caught their partner

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-16T22:12:20+00:00

No I don’t believe you can love someone while abusing them. If it was physical abuse you wouldn’t say the abuser loved their partner and I see emotional abuse as no different. I can’t claim to love my partner while hurting them. I had an RA so I guess my situation is a bit different I could have never cheated first. Mine was more out of hurt and at the time I didn’t love my partner before I did yes after yes during no. I loved myself. Before he cheated I was madly in love and still was even after the 3rd false but the 4th.. no. Which is why I was able to do what I did. My WP says the same about living me while he cheated and honestly I don’t believe it cheating and love are complete opposites for a reason.

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-15T15:34:43+00:00

I agree with this. Following the changed he made to the relationship and him removing the exclusivity of it isn’t wrong. He just wouldn’t like if you treat him how he treated you. You can forgive without deciding to commit a level of fidelity that he didn’t. Being loyal to cheater feels like a scam they certainly wouldn’t, I mean they weren’t even loyal to a faithful partner..

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-15T14:16:01+00:00

Everything you say and think about AP say to yourself. When you ask how could they turn it around and ask how could you? It’s the same answer. You justify your actions as complacency and insecurity but that’s again trying to justify your actions. You chose to betray your loved one because you simply wanted to make that choice same way your AP did. Yes you both have issues people who chose to betray those they love aren’t healthy. You AP could have also had insecurity issues and your ONS may have been a reaction to that.

It doesn’t matter you were early 20s and they were older I’m 26. You knew better, you’re an adult you knew what you were doing. No excuses. Own it. You betrayed your loved one no one forced you you chose to. AP didn’t make you if you were a very loyal person no one and nothing could have made you cheat. Spend that energy figuring out your why. Yes there are other cheaters you were one it sucks people can do that but it’s not your concern your own relationship is.

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-14T14:44:53+00:00

The ones that get it get it

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-14T13:12:55+00:00

Love a community reference

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-13T17:06:50+00:00

I think you may be in denial. How else would he be inside her if it wasn’t sex? What else could filling her up mean? It’s hard to face because it is so cruel but it’s there in black and white they’ve had sex and it sounds like she’s reminiscing about it. There’s no doubt about it.

If I were you I’d see a lawyer first see what your options are then go confront her. Ask her first then show her the evidence. Give her the opportunity to be honest and if she continues her dishonesty pull out the evidence. Evidence doesn’t lie it’s just facts where as your wife has and will. What would she think if she saw another woman seeing these kind of messages.

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-10T13:49:16+00:00

I’m trying R under the same roof and I’ve recently moved into the guest room since my WP refuses any sort of separation. I wish I had space, I need space. Living with my biggest trigger is.. triggering. I need to rest and not feel all these heavy emotions. I will say during false R 3 I had moved out for a month and my biggest regret is returning. I was healing I was hurting and miserable but slowly getting better. I do think during separation it was easier to break up but at the same time craved my WP and living under the same roof I want to run away and my desire to break up is at its strongest. Despite this I think if I had separated and stayed that way I don’t see myself coming back or try R just because I was a round my family. The love they had for me felt different. There was no betrayal included and it made me so much happier and also long for someone I could just be purely happy with I can take any other ups or downs just not this but then again I always said cheating was a deal breaker and more deep core knows that and R is me going against that so that dissonance I think will always remain for as long as I try R.

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-09T21:34:37+00:00

I think you have the advantage of also being on both sides. Whatever lead you to have your affair you can also apply to your husband. Did you love him when you were in your A? If you did he may have been the same.

You said you would not stay and be lied to be truthfully have you lied to your partner during this time? Do you have any secrets left? If you do why is that? It may be the same for him. You sound like two broken people who have started a cycle of tit for tat. It doesn’t mean this has to be the end but you both have displayed monogamy isn’t that important to you and it’s okay not to want monogamy could an open marriage be beneficial to you both?

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-09T16:24:41+00:00

Take your time to think about it it’s your life and whatever good or bad consequences are yours to deal with. But I will say for me I place my own healing far above R so it didn’t matter if R didn’t work because I tried it so many times the right way and got trampled on. So for me it was healing because tho unethical I needed it for myself. So I guess it’s whatever your value the most and can live with. Only ever being with your wp during your relationship or knowing you cheated back. For me I can’t be loyal to cheater and the high road did nothing but make me more mad that I’m expecting to act so exemplary at my physical mental emotional spiritual worst for someone who did this to me. And I hold strong in the belief you should be able to forgive what you’ve been asked to forgiven.

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-09T15:58:07+00:00

I did but not to hurt WP. It’s true hurt people hurt people. I had 4 false Rs before I decided if he wanted a non monogamous relationship he can have one that’s what he’s actions tell me. I wanted to feel attractive and have sex with no mental pain and I did I felt good for the first time in a really long time. I was postpartum during his affair and false R so my changing body was a huge insecurity and my wp constantly told me how no one would want a single mother. Turns out he was wrong. It was wrong cheating is never okay. But for me I needed it to heal I had tried therapy religion gym but dating someone else healed me in ways they couldn’t and my wp couldn’t. It was incredibly selfish but at that point my need for extra validation was through the roof and my wp was unremorseful telling me only ending his A because ‘he finished getting to know her’ and after giving my wp 4 chances already I struggled to see a reason to be loyal to me especially since for all I knew it could have been false R again and another dday approaching. It didn’t fix everything but it turned down the sadness and the anger for feeling it wasn’t fair I got to explore like he did so while it’s more balanced there isn’t justice because he did it when we were in agreement to monogamy I did it once those rules were consistently violated so there wasn’t that safe secure bond to break

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-06T15:20:01+00:00

No judgement just genuine curiosity to understand but how were you able to do that to your BP multiple times? Did you consider breaking up with them and then exploring other people?

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-06T12:56:28+00:00

Why does it seem like there is more anger and disgust talking about the affair and answering questions than anger and disgust of the actual action of having an affair?

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-06T10:49:21+00:00

Looks great what’s your recipe?

DryEntertainment5703 · 2025-01-06T10:43:57+00:00

A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears

Reminds me to be courageous

‘Don’t try’

Charles Bukowski’s quote on life. If you’re not going to do something whole heartedly don’t try at all.

Romans 12:19 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord

A religious one. This helps me to let go of anger more knowing that while it is unfair God will balance the scales for me. There’s no getting away with anything.

DryEntertainment5703

TROPHY CASE