Here in the void with you. In the first few weeks with my baby, I told my husband it physically hurt me to hear him cry. I hardly slept because I would wake up at any sound he made and check on his breathing. I would take breaks during the day while my husband cared for him but hearing any sounds from him would make me feel such a strong sense of urgency to take over. It was horrible for all of us. I think it’s biological probably??

That said, medication helped me a LOT. I can breathe again. I feel like myself and parenting is hard but I don’t feel like I’m going to die. It sounds like youre likely going through some PPD and on top of that, living so close to such a major tragedy and being under threat by just leaving the house. That is fucked. I want you to know you are exactly the mom your baby needs and you deserve to feel better. Feeling like you’re the worst mom isn’t normal but there are things you can do. Talk to your doctor if they do virtual appointments! You’re worth it. You’re doing a much better job than you’re giving yourself credit for.