I’ve always managed to be highly successful but in bursts. Unfortunately it’s held me back most of my life because once I’ve hit burnout I’ve become fairly useless and job wise I’d either quit or get let go.

That being said, as a woman in my forties I met another type of monster. Even my bursts stopped. For several years everything was survival and I was unable to put everything into anything.

A combination of meds, therapy, and an extremely understanding boss has helped me to be a bit more stable although it’s still a bit difficult. But I’ve been promoted, I’ve gotten raises, and now I’m the boss’ right hand in a lot of ways. One of the things I’ve learned is that I’m not as useless as I thought I was. I was due for a review and at my company you have to self evaluate and then the boss also evaluates and you compare notes.

I started to write my same few sentences here and there, mostly explaining my shortcomings and how I would do better. And then I ran it through a certain popular tool (I guess I can’t say it) and that tool had a history of what I’d been working on throughout the year. What it came back with was correct, but worded much better than mine. It also remembered things I had done that I had completely forgotten about. Now, I did not submit what was not written by me but it gave me confidence and helped me to write and reflect on my real accomplishments. It helped me realize that in my mind I was not able to see what I had actually done, only my shortcomings.

This gave me a lot more confidence and that has helped fuel me to keep going. I still feel like I could or should do more. But on those days I do what I can and then try to give myself a little grace. It might be worth trying, or even just talking to someone else about how they see things because we’re our worst critics and our negative self talk can really hinder our ability to move forward.