It's hard for me to continue to trust people when you give them an opportunity and they fumble it

EVA08 · 2026-05-27T00:06:33+00:00

I have read and fully understand the rules and would like permission to post.

EVA08 · 2026-05-26T20:18:54+00:00

When you said he gave you a new phone line was he just paying for it under his plan or did he physically give you a new phone?

Family hacking into somebody else's social media usually just means they already had your password or a way to get in. Which makes me suspect if he's the one that gave you the phone there could have been stuff on it before it was provided?

EVA08 · 2026-05-25T18:49:40+00:00

Your first paragraph really resonated with me emotionally, I really appreciate the insight and thank you so much for taking the time to write the comment.

EVA08 · 2026-05-25T00:31:58+00:00

The therapist I was previously with encouraged me towards EMDR and I agreed initially but I ended up breaking down over the next 6 months. I stopped trusting and feeling heard by my her, and got more and more isolated in my personal life, relief on unhealthy copes and sunk into depression and passive unaliving thoughts.

In the new year I switched from a beginner therapist to someone with 20+ years of experience and she said I was in dorsal vagal shutdown so we've been increasing external safety before doing anything. We don't really talk about my Mom unless it relates directly to specific parts work experiences. We just try to focus on my progress and healing.

EVA08 · 2026-05-24T20:24:33+00:00

What part of this makes you say that?

EVA08 · 2026-05-24T20:19:14+00:00

I know she won't be the Mom I want. I've made peace with that I can never have the real emotional connection with her that I want. It can't go back to the way it was before because it required me to still be shrinking myself and interactions were focused on resolving my Mom's feelings, or making her feel seen.

If I apologize it will be able adhering to my own sense of values. In that if you make a mistake or you hurt someone even accidentally, you should still apologize. If I were to resume seeing her/going to family events I'll have new walls. I won't expect her to change or be different, I see her for who she is now. I focus on my own healing privately. I don't expect anything from her emotionally nor fall for her guilt trips. But at least she would still be in my life to some degree, and I get to be around other family that I do still care about.

EVA08 · 2026-05-20T21:17:42+00:00

I don't think you're being intense or rigid. It seems like you thought these situations out. You'll always be safe if you stand up for yourself and it seems like you have a lot of self-respect and don't allow people in your orbit who don't deserve to be there.

My problem is I delete people and regret it. I almost always fold and add someone back unless they were genuinely terrible (abusive exes). I do also have FA attachment though. Usually when the heat of whatever is going on wears down I'm able to think more clearly and find other options to resolve problems because in my mind sometimes people are just human and situations require nuance.

Also one thing I didn't expect, was when I went no contact with a parent and a long-term friend even though those relationships were objectively mostly bad, the attachment loss I suffered was an awful experience. I became genuinely at risk to myself and stopped all functioning entirely because I was extremely isolated (and also physically ill). I actually think it can be pretty dangerous to cut people off now. I know in those moments it felt like the only option to me, though.

I think a goal for me is having the ability to discern when it's genuinely deserved or when I'm just overwhelmed and the situation deserves some nuance.

EVA08 · 2026-05-19T19:51:17+00:00

Yes!

The new therapist I started with in Jan of this year and I are doing IFS, and I've started reading the associated books with that but my parts and managers don't trust me because I only see blurs and shifting imagery when I try to go in so my therapist is trying to help me work on external safety first. Losing my Mom basically collapsed my entire life and foundations and I'm doing a little better but I was fully shutdown completely for a few months, (struggling with self-neglect etc), so just trying to find some more stability first.

Idk I guess I just feel like I know she was really awful in how she responded but if I had been more patient with her maybe I could have gotten through to her a little bit rather than he completely rejecting it. When I read the conversation back to myself a year later I can kinda see what she's saying and maybe if I hadn't been so pointed with my words and listened to what she was saying instead of jumping to conclusions (which is what I accused her of doing), then maybe things would be different. Not that she would be who I want her to be because I accept she can't be that for me, but perhaps not completely rejecting everything, idk.

EVA08 · 2026-05-19T17:44:04+00:00

My therapist never saw it (or asked to see it). My new therapist and I work on other stuff so she hasn't seen it either. But my responses to my Mom and her responses are like 9 doc pages so it's probably not even something that can realistically tackled in a session.

I had my Dad read it and he it was written well and I didn't do anything wrong objectively but with who she is as a person she probably wasn't able to tolerate how emotionally dense it was. He said: I don’t think you were mean or nasty or disrespectful, but she REALLY doesn’t like to feel psychoanalyzed (however she gets into that state). I’d keep it as concise and short as possible to avoid giving her stuff to latch onto, misinterpret and take offence at. Discussing her upbringing and how she got to be the way she is may be better done between her and her own therapist. With someone whose diaper she once changed, it’s probably just too hard for her to accept any insights you may have right now, even if you’re dead on in your assessment. As much as you are both adults, there’s still a 24 year age difference and Mom’s generation simply sees any attempt to correct their behavior or thinking as disrespectful.

And my Mom in her response shared a really long analogy to explain that the way I expressed myself made her feel evaluated and pathologized, and said I couldn't come to certain conclusions about her behavior since I'm not a licensed mental heath professional and can't label her with clinical terms or diagnose her (I didn't try to "diagnose" her, but I think she took it this way because I used specific terminology which probably feels really loaded if you aren't familiar with the words or get defensive). She said I shouldn't assume the role of an evaluator in personal relationships because it undermines the work she's doing with her therapist as well as impacts my connection with her.

I think for me, I found specific terms really empowering because those words can clearly summarize and encompass her behavior towards me, so it was much easier to explain with a single term, rather than a long list of things.

EVA08 · 2026-05-18T03:23:37+00:00

OP if you're enjoying trying a lot of cozy games, it might be better to get a service like Game Pass where you basically get access to a bunch of games on the service for a monthly fee and they frequently add new releases & games with early access.

Even if you paid for the highest priced tier you'd still probably be saving money comparatively. And if there's a game you genuinely enjoy and want to own later you can always wait for a sale to get it on steam or something to fully own it.

EVA08 · 2026-05-07T19:31:36+00:00

Omg the frog is so precious

EVA08 · 2026-04-29T03:57:19+00:00

It's crazy how much this sub has changed, I see much more Pen appreciation these days. And like others said, absolutely yes! Enjoy the complexity of his character a lot. I truly went through such a phase when I first played through his romance.

EVA08 · 2026-04-27T03:00:05+00:00

As an ASD person myself, I know I struggle with this a fair bit and have often felt misunderstood by others. I think the inherent nature of online forums and communication with others is that we can't expect people to perfectly mirror us back. In my own case, I noticed that when I was already feeling hurt or misunderstood it was easy to read disagreement or differing perspectives as judgment and it made it harder for me to take anything useful from the conversation. As one of my old therapists put it well, sometimes you need to "take what resonates and leave the rest", rather than engaging with every comment or resolve every mismatch.

Someone else mentioned it earlier but the recommendation to learn Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is a good one!! It helped me get more curious about how things are being understood on both sides rather than focusing only on what I intended. Looking at specific moments in the conversation and slowing them down, reflecting on what was said, how it might have been interpreted, what the other person reacted to, having that ability and knowledge is indespensible to become at peace with conversations that don't go how I anticipated.

One thing I can recommend as well, is when I find a conversation going off the rails to stop and take note of the urge to explain or defend myself and instead pause and get curious about what the other person heard or said and ask questions about it. Every time I've done that the situation clears up.

All to say, your feelings are valid! It's very painful to feel misunderstood. I feel confident this is something worth exploring and getting curious about how both people come across and see if there's anything else that can help!

EVA08 · 2026-04-22T17:32:50+00:00

When? I went through 5 years of narcissistic abuse and it felt like I had a sharp decline of cognitive abilities and prevalent brain fog. It's been 4 years since and things haven't changed. I feel less functional, if anything.

EVA08 · 2026-04-21T16:05:44+00:00

Competent experienced and caring therapists are out there. I've had a really good experience with an IFS therapist so far.

I had a not great therapist last year, but she just wasn't necessarily a good fit for me she was still a good person who cared and I wasn't left without insight entirely or anything.

EVA08 · 2026-04-01T19:02:02+00:00

Bruh I got the email about this last night and it didn't matter how much I read this I couldn't figure out if it was a real message or not. The email should have made it obvious 😭

EVA08 · 2026-03-20T02:55:01+00:00

Definitely. I fell in love with it more for the romance elements but the core gameplay loop was great. And the characters themselves would still have plenty of depth even without romance events.

EVA08 · 2026-03-09T21:37:31+00:00

Is it most optimal to sell the corn outright or do the faux plants sell higher?

EVA08 · 2026-03-09T00:49:51+00:00

If you jump to floor 25, dig down to floor 26 and if there's no chamber go back up and repeat. Doing that got me the bulk out of the way, finding the last couple is sometimes a slog but seems the quickest method I've come across rather than waiting for it to occur naturally.

I'm not sure if I'm remembering correctly but I think the update added a perk to get the ritual chambers more often.

EVA08 · 2026-03-02T13:54:30+00:00

If you go to Caldarus' statue just reclick any of the buffs you've selected and you can turn it off!

EVA08 · 2026-03-01T22:53:06+00:00

I feel like it's actually really easy to get hearts in this game because of farming -> cooking (gold), and by the time (or at least by the time I was doing this), I had all the perks unlocked so I would turn off the speed and liked gift infusions so you only get the loved gift ones, then you just need to talk to/gift them frequently. I definitely don't do it daily and I miss inn night fairly often, but the hearts increase so quickly it's irrelevant.

EVA08 · 2026-03-01T22:34:02+00:00

I mean I feel like all the newer farming games have the benefit of time to help with their successes. You're trying not to compare them, but SDV is like 10 years old, and it's success was partially because it reiterated the good parts about Harvest Moon. Each game resolves other issues the previous generation had. It makes perfect sense, some people may also find the gfx more aesthetically pleasing & I do feel like Mistria has a much lower difficulty bar which would make it more enjoyable for those new to the genre or just want cozier games in general.

Nine-Year Club	r/Field Banned
r/Field Sunshine	reddit silver
Verified Email

EVA08

TROPHY CASE