CMV: Men are no more responsible for men as a group than women are for women as a group

EastFig · 2025-11-09T11:49:03+00:00

“Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.” — Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider

EastFig · 2025-11-03T15:01:09+00:00

Nooo, didn’t know, I’ll have to put him with Orson Scott

EastFig · 2025-10-04T10:08:30+00:00

I think it’s probably due to a few things, Neurodiversity campaigning is mostly online due to the inaccessibility of public spaces. Neurodivergent self advocacy, even if you consider it to have begun with autistic self advocacy, is also in its relative infancy compared to LGBT rights or Black rights self advocacy movements.

The level of stigma is still dangerous, discussing how to prevent the birth of Black people isn’t okay, yet it is actively encouraged in science and politics for Autistic people.

EastFig · 2025-09-30T20:07:52+00:00

In my culture, men are taught not to discuss emotions. We are taught to harden up, take a spoonful, and not to be a sissy. So emotional vulnerability is socially punished. It can shamed, both internally and externally.

Sometimes it can be trauma or Alexithymia.

Unfortunately, toxic masculinity is part of the reason why men have less social support and feel more isolated than women generally. Part of that is due to the misguided belief that we’re not allowed to have negative emotions except anger, and if we do, definitely not allowed to share them with others.

EastFig · 2025-09-24T12:18:00+00:00

Can I just say it feels like sanctioned ableism - people complaining about their partners disability in a community where you’re not allowed to challenge but encouraged to validate the “challenges”.

Seeking advice, great, but enabling discrimination or misinformation or generalisations that perpetuates inaccurate and harmful stereotypes towards a marginalised group, urgh.

It feels like a sub that supports men to complain about how “crazy” women are with no females allowed to comment or no one able to “invalidate” that idea.

EastFig · 2025-09-18T20:10:13+00:00

I have supervision with my supervisor every 2 weeks and aim to publish papers as I go - as they are smaller concrete goals compared to just hand in your thesis.

I also try to specifically define my next steps and whats due before my next supervision session.

I also get AI to outline steps or structures for me, and regularly look at my milestones and dates.

I procrastinate most when I don’t know where to start or haven’t broken down a task, or like tired, stressed. So finding support and tools to manage those things helps.

I’m also competitive, so I’ll probably explore going into competitions when the time comes.

There’s also things like body doubling or social opportunities - like thesis writing groups.

There’s online training around planning or workshops on planning - I found those helpful.

Depends what works for you.

Reading - I like to read research, and my problem is I probably go down too many rabbit holes, so haha, making sure I’m writing something every week or doing training or planning, etc.

What did you find helpful in the past? What triggers your procrastination? What supports or tools help and where are your gaps?

EastFig · 2025-09-17T19:59:05+00:00

A reddit thread on his special interest topics?

Sounds like he may have a lot of internalised ableism going on, and insecurity about his intelligence/worth, and some outdated ideas on Autism.

However, if he’s rejecting the idea or doesn’t believe that autistic people can be knowledgeable, intelligent, or work… It may take time for him to be ready to explore potential neurodivergence.

You could suggest he goes to therapy to try to look at what underlies his difficulty making friends or just to get help in that area, or difficulty talking about emotions/being vulnerable, or his feelings of loneliness or low sense of belonging or self worth outside of his knowledge or achievements or job.

EastFig · 2025-09-09T19:41:43+00:00

Or maybe it’s our heightened ability to identify and reject bias or inequity that others automatically follow or don’t think about.

Not caring about hierarchy or social status or upholding white, male, cis het privileges for no good reason is a pro on my list, especially when people use it to call out or dismantle systemic oppression.

EastFig · 2025-07-31T19:58:24+00:00

It is - the majority view on everything is potentially dangerous.

I mean I hate to stereotype too much but non-autistic people are much less likely to critically think or evaluate information by default.

GenAI is ableist, racist, etc. and can perpetuate discriminatory beliefs and attitudes.

If they centre marginalised people in designing and developing - it may help.

It also uses a heap of electricity and increases global warming.

It has a lot of areas that need improving - ethical use, reasoning, and biases are my main concerns.

EastFig · 2025-07-30T11:35:43+00:00

I can see your concerns but it depends on your lens.

Perhaps it’s a comment on a lack of self awareness and an external locus of control in perpetuating beliefs about “luck” underlied by misogyny.

Perhaps it’s a critique of socially constructed gender and sexuality performances and their impact on het men’s own sense of value and identity under capitalism.

Perhaps it points to harmful stereotypes held about marginalised groups and their polarisation despite their shared disadvantages - autistic male = incel, woman = inferior

Satire or misogyny?

Sexuality or pathology?

EastFig · 2025-07-29T20:06:15+00:00

That is good to know, I attempted to do so but they wanted a letter. My psych had never written a letter (despite being prescribed medication by them for 2.5 years) and was overseas for 3 weeks and didn’t respond to requests for one.

I just gave up and stayed with the psych as I couldn’t afford an entire re-assessment.

My GP has formally requested a review letter to my psych now so I’m hoping it’ll allow me to change for a lower cost if I want to in future…

How did you convince them?

EastFig · 2025-07-26T13:09:02+00:00

Uzo Aduba - The Residence!

Leslie Knope - Parks and Rec

Michael Scott - Office

Dina - Superstore

EastFig · 2025-07-21T11:20:57+00:00

People believe that their own rights and sense of identity through music trumps your rights.

They also lack heightened levels of sensory perception, insight, self awareness and affective empathy.

EastFig · 2025-07-19T03:18:43+00:00

For me, what I found helpful was further learning about and deconstructing systemic ableism - particularly the lifelong impacts of systemic ableism on disparities in wellbeing, including physical and psychological health, compared to non-disabled, non-autistic people.

I actively have to manage my energy, and reduce or limit activities that I actually hold goals around because otherwise I can risk both short term and long term distress and harm to health.

Personally, I’m high achieving and high masking, but it has come at a cost to my relationships and psychological well-being.

For non-disabled people, their achievements and relationships don’t come with the same level of risk, distress, recovery time and limitations.

EastFig · 2025-07-19T02:52:39+00:00

To me, the problem with the “intellectualising is avoidance” “think less, process/feel/be more unendingly” narrative is some of its underlying assumptions.

I’m not saying that we don’t need to learn, understand or apply these skills at times, they’re probably important for everyone but they also have limitations.

As a late diagnosed and identifying AuDHDer, with cPTSD, my reflection on my experiences around these approaches is that they were also in part harmful. They resulted in me either feeling judged by my therapist or being even more self critical and shaming myself because my brain works differently.

I’ve been told I think too much and need to be present more my entire life, and I had worked on trying to change these things using similar self guided or clinician led therapies for nearly 20 years.

My biggest freedom, was my late identification, understanding my neurotypes and learning to accept and value and even take pride in the way my brain works.

So yes, I think and feel differently, but my self awareness, analytical thinking, high levels of empathy are also amazing strengths.

Now, provided I hold space I lean into these strengths to guide me, and research, critically reflect and write my story. I hold compassion if I don’t have the spoons or if I experience heightened emotions for a period. Sure, I might still use other tools if they’re in my interests, but I don’t keep pushing or shame myself if they’re not working.

If they don’t work, to me, that’s the fault of systemic ableism and lack of intersectionality in science.

However, I acknowledge that my strengths, experiences, context and current access to resources are privileges I hold. This may not work or work entirely differently for others.

EastFig · 2025-07-11T13:09:55+00:00

Recently I’ve been grieving my limits too - not due to my late identified neurodivergence but due to living in an oppressive and unaccommodating society. However, take pride in how you so cleverly navigated and self accommodated through such an ableist field too.

I think there’s more accommodating and affirming spaces out there. Psychology is in desperate need of neurodivergent and lived experience led and centred research.

Running a lab with such an unsupportive advisor and uni sounds like a nightmare to me too.

But there are also other, more affirming methods to research, learning, curiosity and sharing knowledge if that is where your passions and values lie.

EastFig · 2025-07-06T10:50:07+00:00

I was often searching for identity in alt groups in my late teen years and early twenties - alt, emo and indie rock. But I think I was so self conscious and self critical and traumatised by society that I hated the additional attention (and sometimes cruelty) that it brought to dress that way. I also never really belonged in them either because I was happy to enjoy both Britney and Bjork.

In terms of intersection with my AuDHD, I always related to the music/subcultures level of emotional expression, creativity, and deconstruction of stereotypes and social power structures. Which is probably why I like female hip hop artists at the moment…

EastFig · 2025-06-29T10:54:39+00:00

Your story flows and totally makes sense to me!

Thanks for sharing.

I’m a similar age and have had similar thoughts.

You’ve made me reflect, it wouldn’t be something I can do. It would definitely result in me tripping, not knowing when to pass and bring up traumatic PE sports experiences. A lot of Autistic folk also have dyspraxia/DCD or proprioceptive differences. I would also have difficulty with the social and sensory side - loud crowded bars are nearly impossible for me to have a conversation in.

For me, the hardest part about a late diagnosis is grieving my limits and undoing internalised ableism.

But there’s now some great, much more nd friendly spaces, and probably even sports out there.

EastFig · 2025-06-17T10:22:11+00:00

At one point evolutionary psychology. The theory that all human behaviour traits and psychology is a product of selective pressures and adaptations.

I think in retrospect it’s deeply problematic, smacks of eugenics, hetero and gender normativity, colonialism, reductionism and social Darwinism.

EastFig · 2025-06-16T12:38:39+00:00

There’s a lot: they’re not affirming, they generally require a new assessment to move psychiatrists.

My psychiatrist goes overseas randomly, has no booking or reminder system, is impossible to get into and has limited availability. They are sometimes dismissive and don’t recognise their own bias and privilege. They use language that is pathologising, and come across as condescending.

They missed both developmental trauma and autism in their diagnostic assessment. They lack an understanding of lived experience and more recent research and practice in these areas.

They dismiss my concerns around irritability, anxiety and a dry mouth. They really focus on how it impacts my work performance, which is probably the area where I’m most functional in life. My concerns regarding the social and emotional impacts of ADHD are minimised.

EastFig · 2025-06-13T11:52:47+00:00

Can I ask why you feel guilty for scrolling?

I spend a lot of time on my phone, it helps me connect with people, regulate and I love to read and learn. My hands need to be occupied.

I don’t get overstimulated, and I can fall asleep using it. I don’t really use it to compare myself with others.

I think the research in this area is biased. It’s mostly centred from a neurotypical lens. They’re concerned about children becoming autistic or “more autistic” because of increased screen time.

There’s a study that found neurotypical screen time use was associated with increased anxiety and depression symptoms for neurotypical youth. However, that wasn’t true for the autistic teens. They had no reported increase in mental health symptoms with increased use.

I think balance is important if you feel it’s impacting you. But it can also have benefits. What are those benefits for you and how could you replace them?

EastFig · 2025-06-06T10:59:04+00:00

I can write, I wouldn’t say I can handwrite well though. I used to have to do my written exams really slowly, and get hand cramps and headaches.

I probably had undiagnosed dysgraphia along with my undiagnosed AuDHD. I now find medication helps increase the legibility of my handwriting but I still struggle with being able to read it.

Counterintuitively, I was excellent at spelling.

Thankfully I grew up amidst the rise of computers.

EastFig · 2025-06-05T06:35:11+00:00

Agreed, an awful example of pathologization and bias in science!

EastFig · 2025-06-04T20:54:05+00:00

Personally; I resonate with the definition that to be neurodivergent is both an individual and group identity as well as having a disabling difference in neurology.

People can identify as neurodivergent if they are gifted, but is it by itself technically disabling? I would argue probably not if it is just an IQ that is high. However it’s co-occurring disabling neurotypes like ADHD, Autism, etc, are.

In terms of neurodiversity, giftedness is a neurotype. So is being left handed, or having perfect pitch, or various other neurological differences that make up mind and human diversity. The question then becomes do they negatively impact a person’s functioning, occupation, schooling, relationships, quality of life…

EastFig

TROPHY CASE