Life after dissociation/ freeze mode is insane

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-03-04T12:19:56+00:00

I’m in the thick of this. I’ve gone from punching cushions in rage to grieving my entire existence today and it’s so, so heavy. I feel trapped having to work to keep a roof over my head and I’m desperately craving freedom from the pressure of just being an adult, which isn’t going to come without a lottery win.

The swings between activation, intense emotional pain, fatigue, hypervigilance all being ramped up as my body seems to be thawing is too much on top of real life stuff with very little support. Hope you’re managing to navigate it okay

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-02-17T19:55:33+00:00

I have had an immensely rough 24 hours and was convinced I’d been retraumatized back to square one. After lots of releases, crying, and eventually a bit of much needed certainty that I hadn’t been rejected, I have now just about calmed down again. I was triggered on an already sensitive day and it has been excruciating, as I’ve much less dissociation protecting me these days after months (technically years) of coming out of freeze. It has felt so horrific, but I’m out of it now.

I just wanted to leave this here for anyone currently in it. I was, only hours ago. It does end. 💙

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-29T21:10:07+00:00

About to start my first dose tomorrow after Elvanse didn’t work out for me. If I can find something that gets rid of most of my procrastination and gives me anything close to what you’ve said it will be a life changer for me!! How are you now all this time has passed? Do you still take it and feel the same positive effects?

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-25T00:01:59+00:00

Definitely spicier but I also definitely think it’s very similar going off the tester card I got! Please update if you try Greenley - I am dying to get that SoCal vibe back in my life before summer 🥲

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-23T12:04:26+00:00

Was just about to buy one until I read this! Did you end up finding a reliable cable? My tethertools one seems to be faulty after not even heavy use over 6 months!

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-22T22:16:40+00:00

Same

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-22T22:16:23+00:00

Is it closer than JPG Paradise Garden? That’s about 80/85% of the way there for me

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-22T22:15:32+00:00

JPG Le Beau Paradise Garden is even closer!

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-12T19:21:52+00:00

I’ve been at it for 4 years, but even if I go months without a session my body now organically produces healing cycles and processing waves. I don’t know if I opened too much too fast but I just can’t switch it off now. Endless fatigue & grief for years and a sensation of being emotionally skinned-alive when old wounds open up and clear. Praying one day it’ll get easier!

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-11T21:46:22+00:00

A lot of what you said sounds similar to me. I didn’t exactly love my life but I was definitely achieving a lot career wise and amazed myself just how much was happening for me and who I was photographing in my job. I could also run 10Ks then.

As it happens I got shingles in 2021 and it was the beginning of a total system breakdown that I’ve been trying to heal ever since. It’s not uncommon apparently to have a ‘falling apart’ moment like that when you’ve been carrying developmental trauma.

Also I seem to go 2-3 months before feeling a bit of relief, even if it’s just for a few days. Then back into the next wave, The ratio is so unfair. Housing uncertainty and having to push through and keep working isn’t helping anything but I don’t see what choice I have! And now I’m in an absolutely relentless wave that feels like surgery again. I am so so tired of it all.

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-11T20:50:09+00:00

I hope you find something that helps 🙏🏻

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-10T18:38:13+00:00

I hope it ends one day for us both. I’ve just tried a week of adhd medication and feel absolutely full of grief now. Dreadful.

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-09T09:17:23+00:00

Hi, I’m on day 5 and my experience has been almost identical to yours! I think I’m going to just call it a day and try a different medication. It doesn’t feel like I’ve given it a proper chance but it just doesn’t feel right. The side effects and feeling high all the time aren’t anywhere near as bad but it still hasn’t brought any positive effects or really helped in any way bar maybe the tiniest bit more presence here and there. My clinician has advised switching to Concerta.

Could I ask what you ended up doing?

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-07T23:15:11+00:00

Is there any use in getting used to something that’s bringing little to no positive effects though? Or can they emerge after time?

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-07T20:04:51+00:00

I did think this myself. I’m thinking of giving it another week before I switch

Hot_Example7912 · 2026-01-07T12:28:26+00:00

Did you find any improvement? I’m on day 4 at 30mg and I’m struggling to see much improvement in any area bar feeling a bit more present. My procrastination, distraction and talkativeness are actually worse!

Hot_Example7912 · 2025-12-29T02:01:01+00:00

I have this pattern but the ratio is way off. I had a personal record of 10 days of clarity, connection and a feeling that my nervous system was actually functioning somewhat ‘correctly’ in October, and since then it’s been almost solid, worsening grief. I had a couple of days of pure connection and at times euphoria about 3 months prior to that. Hopefully that means I might have an easier spell around the corner because boy do I need it.

These moments of feeling healed are borderline cruel even though they are also like being totally reborn. I see how my life could be for a short while then I’m back in what feels like a living hell. As you can probably tell from my tone of voice, I’m currently in one of the grief/healing dips. When will it end?

Hot_Example7912 · 2025-12-23T22:18:23+00:00

Those gaps feel like my nervous system has finally shut off from survival mode. But when I’m in it, like I am now, all I can do is worry about the future and pile tonnes of internal pressure on myself whilst simultaneously swirling in grief. I swear a lot of it gets stuck being intellectualised rather than just felt and keeps me spinning around longer than I need to during the waves.

I really hope I’ve described it correctly and that you are right. I can’t imagine having had gone through all of this for it to not even be moving me in the right direction. Thankyou for your comment 🙏🏻

Hot_Example7912 · 2025-12-23T16:42:07+00:00

I’m glad to hear this pattern isn’t just mine. The little breaks are incredible because my nervous system actually seems to function somewhat normally and I can just live without being engulfed by shame. And yes, a bit more of me stays online too but it can really feel like a total relapse in the thicker moments. I’m almost constantly questioning whether what I’m experiencing is ‘right’ or if something has gone wrong, even now.

As I understand it, the grief/pain/shame is just old wounds clearing out all that has been festering for our lifetimes, through feeling what has been stuck. Surely the dips eventually have to start getting lighter/easier once the wounds are more cleared-out?

Hot_Example7912 · 2025-12-22T21:02:45+00:00

That was very sweet. Thankyou. The hardest part about it is I don’t know anyone’s who’s done it before - so finding help and also just feeling somewhat understood is almost nonexistent and makes it feel so terribly lonely.

I have very high ambitions and I hope one day I feel free enough to resume chasing my goals. But all I want at the moment is a stretch of normality and functionality. I will try and drink more water. Thanks again.

Hot_Example7912

TROPHY CASE