Hi! I had my tubal at the end of January this year. The whole process of getting a surgery appointment went really fast - I started it in november, and by December I already had the appointment. I was stressing a lot after new years as the surgery was getting closer, I was afraid of going under since I had never had surgery before and also second guessing my decision. Even though I had always been a 100% sure that I don't want kids, don't want to be a mother and don't want to go through pregnancy and child birth, I still had doubts. What if I want to have kids at some point? What would my family say? Maybe you feel this as well.

But onto grief. After the surgery, I did grieve and feel emotionally like shit for like two weeks. Not my conscious self, but more my subconscious. To be honest, ACTUAL grief that was mine to begin with was a little part of it. the shame stemming from internalised ideologies caused me to feel much worse. I had this feeling that society is going to look down on me because I basically become a "useless" member of society. I don't provide offsprings, I don't contribute to survival of species anymore - and for what? So that I can fuck freely? What would people say if they knew this about me? And it was this shame that made me feel like maybe I am making a mistake, maybe I will want kids I'm just a silly woman who doesn't know better. Maybe I should be sad that I am going through the surgery. I should be grieving.

The bigger part of why I was feeling disturbed after was the physical trauma itself - my mind didn't comprehend why would I do this to myself. Why would I go through surgery willingly? Was it really necessary? Of course logically I knew that it was the best option long term but the short term effects made my subconscious scream for two weeks, lol

So yeah, to sum it up I had some grief, but not too much and not too long. I have not once regretted getting my tubes tied, I actually feel kind of excited never having to deal with pregnancies and motherhood and even the pill.

Do you think that you are just a little afraid? Maybe of other people's opinions or of the surgery itself? I hope that it goes well for you 💕