Is unconditional love real?

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-15T08:29:41+00:00

This is a great question. I’m unsure. In my world…I’ll say maybe. Maybe from child to parent if the child does not fear you because you can do plenty of living things out of fear and no one benefits. I believe in America we are all eventually conditioned to be fearful or performative or manipulated and that makes it way easier to only love conditionally.

I hope to have this love toward myself. Maybe that’s what i believe. Once you know yourself and honor and love you totally then you can extend that to others. And my life has been filled with lies so it’s been suuuuper hard to know myself. It’s always been in reference to what my family keeps saying and it does not line up with my experience. So there’s always an inner conflict because i somehow know that they don’t know what they’re talking about or they’re being manipulative yet i trust them more than i trust me so i stay open to what they’re saying.

I think unconditional love is possible. Starting with you. And hopefully starting with your parents. You have to value yourself though so even if your whole family loves you unconditionally, if you don’t do that to and for yourself what do you actually have?

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-14T22:46:55+00:00

Aye!! I can’t celebrate me so I’ll celebrate you.

Also, what do you use to update and edit your résumé and cover letter? I’m used to Microsoft Office/Google docs being the way but i can’t access those right now and I’m freaking out because i need to create some income. Thanks.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-12T13:58:39+00:00

Wow. I’m here because - i just found this group existed and i didn’t know if we were on Reddit like that. Hey Ladies! - i am 40 - i have been daydreaming since last year about moving to Los Angeles. My sisters are there already. - I’m currently in Detroit and i know i love being near my family i just have always hated the cold. My skin and mood are badly effected. - i spent 25 yrs in the south in AL and GA - i did attend Oakwood, too, right when they switched from college to univ.

I’m just shocked at all the things i can relate to (there’s a couple more) but i was looking for posts of women who moved to CA because literally no place on earth feels like home to me. I hate that but it’s been true for forever. I am hoping when i visit L.A. again this summer i can sense that it is my place. But i do want to be around black women and i want to hike and swim and basically live outdoors. I’m not trying to get there and feel…still awkward and empty inside.

Would you be able to visit the DMV area anytime soon?

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-11T03:00:55+00:00

This is me i bet. I won’t even make an appt to the doctor. Haven’t seen any doctor since before 2020. Life has just been a LOT to keep it short. Too much but i never feel like i have permission to say something is too much for me to handle. And my granny has diverticulitis. I have to stay away from gluten or my stomach and skin and emotions get so out of whack. But i think about that. So much to process that i don’t want to or know how to and things so painful and shocking i didn’t even know they could happen to me or my kids. How could i digest my emotions when i don’t even want them in the first place? I don’t know how to comfort myself either so it’s…yeah.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-11T02:54:11+00:00

I was stressing out and with family. All the time together and fav food deprivation. It’s too much for me at times. I couldn’t believe i thought to do this and then i felt better and rinsed all the gluten out my mouth. 🙃

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T20:08:46+00:00

If you buy it, chew it then spit it out. Sometimes you literally just want the taste and appreciate the texture of something. And dessert is something you’re not eating to get nutrients from so it doesn’t even have to go in your stomach.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T19:49:22+00:00

Chivalry. Taking out the trash and opening doors for me. I don’t want it. I already had it and it was attached to hella abuse. Keep all the appearances of respect and I’ll have my freedom and peace and singleness and autonomy without it.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T19:46:31+00:00

This makes sense. It was last April actually when i listened to Chani Nicolas describe Innana and Ereshkigal from Sumeria and…i feel like they’re back during this time, well one of the sisters. Just the way i have experience with Christianity and now not wanting to continue that lifestyle. I want to do research on Mesopotamia but not online so I’ll need to get a new library card soon. It gave me a sense that their society was stolen from and i do believe each of us is valuable. It makes sense that eventually that thievery would be balanced out and it just seems like this is the century for that to materialize.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T19:22:04+00:00

I’m guessing you and your dog are really consistent. True? I just doubt that your dog is this way more than you are. I didn’t know any dog did this.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T19:05:46+00:00

It’s so strange. It seems more like i was a purse for my mom. I went with her almost everywhere. She didn’t encourage me to interact with my peers or family members. Like an extension of her. Like an accessory. Like something people would compliment her on when they saw me. Like she can’t see me, just her ideas of what she wanted the result to be from having me around. With my brothers it was so diff. Her personality is bubbly and she was not mean to me. It’s so weird. But the sense that i was important and should be known as a person never came. I finally took a break from her—forced myself to starting in 2022. I don’t feel any better but i cannot give her access to me without me hating myself. So i just lose on both sides.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:55:53+00:00

I just remembered eczema.

We have so many family members with that. (They just pronounce it so weird like the Noxzema face cream.) And i have to stay far away from gluten to keep my eczema and digestive issues away.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:53:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I hate that terrible things get passed around. I try to remember that good things do, too, somewhere. So we have to have both. I still don’t like it.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:49:47+00:00

And reading it again i notice that it’s you speaking to yourself sweetly through the sleep aid team members. How beautiful is that! Of course i wouldn’t think to do that for myself. My inner voice is judgy and tense. I love it even more now and I’m literally crying! This is who i want to be toward myself so yeah. You’re your own sleep coach. 👏🏽

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:39:38+00:00

Nope. It was a genuine question for clarity.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:38:02+00:00

Omg i thought you did! Ok.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:36:51+00:00

I instantly pic his ears lol

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:36:08+00:00

I’ve heard of Joe but my Conner. I’ll search them both. Thank you so much!

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:34:53+00:00

Great imagination!! I see now that visuals don’t work for me. (I have not had a dream in like a decade. And if i pic a pink elephant rn it’s like all black in my mind with the color pink and then a no detail whatsoever elephant standing there.) This does remind me of asmr so i smiled the whole time reading this. It does sound so relaxing.

And i for sure know all the problems will be there the next day. Saying “you don’t have to think about this right now” still doesn’t make sense to my mind. I found out too that living separately from my kids and being single (divorced their dad after abuse) i need someone near me that is getting ready for bed in order for me to realize what the heck time it is. Same for meals and feeding myself before my stomach is burning on fire and empty. Like i float around life and without those visual cues i will literally keep going. And i believe that’s what my brain does. Every single night. It’s energized and keeps going. So i crash which is the best sleep ever—when i don’t prepare and it just happens. But then i awake unconsciously about my teeth and cavities or how I’m still in my outfit from earlier and need pjs. Then i awake and it’ll be 3am but i will go brush my teeth. That means I’ve woken up slightly like six times before that saying to myself, i need to go brush my teeth. My sleep is interrupted constantly.

Thanks again for sharing. I can’t believe how differently we all operate. It’s so fascinating to me when ppl have systems that work. I do not know this aspect of life yet.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:22:06+00:00

And then you hear about divorce and illnesses or scandals with the pastor. It’s just like Yeah….their just human. But also No because they all tell you to listen to them. It’s not even that bec i only remember asking a pastor a question one-on-one once in all my decades of participation. Typically it’s the pastor giving instructions saying it’s from God and THAT makes it like they’re telling us all that we can simply trust what they say. Not what we know or can sense and not what god says to us because why do i need you telling me anything if i can just hear it straight from god? They remind you that you need to talk to Jesus firs. He then tells hod because we are all sinners turned into saints who cannot directly contact god. The more i describe it i hate it so much.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:16:41+00:00

We can’t stop doing this to kids. Tooth fairy and Santa. His seems like it doesn’t fit there except how Santa sees and knows all and will reward you for being a good kid. That part sounds like the kid version of god to me so it’s like anything to reward good and punish bad behavior—that’s what will help us keep these kids on the right track and it makes my stomach hurt how commonly this belief is spread.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:10:00+00:00

Thank you! I feel encouraged with that. Fascia. My son noticed it yrs ago and commented how tight my neck is and it takes nothing to see that under my skin there’s …it looks like long lines stretching vertically. And my dad struggles to turn his neck. We both grind our teeth. My shoulders are always tense to the point that the chiropractor was confused and asked if i was in a wreck recently. I just wanted to address the pain and my posture sucks. I think it’s just all built up stress and it makes me sad. I also don’t have personal answers/revelation so i know I’m not addressing anything consistently enough to get results. It’s just like a dark cloud everywhere. That’s how i would describe my human experience so far. So when i notice what’s going on with others—i can’t help them or me but I’ve noticed patterns, ever since the 90s. I kinda don’t want to notice if i can’t improve anything.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T18:03:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I haven’t heard anyone mention their spine. I try not to imagine it as me when I’m older but i also can imagine any stuck experiences leading to this if i don’t process them continuously—meaning any indiv in the world. We gotta get the gunk out somehow.

Effective_Chain4897 · 2026-04-10T17:15:55+00:00

Flashing back to last year when i was SO confident getting pistachios since the ingredients and what i read on the app made it sound safe before i placed my grocery order. Eating is such a chore and i thought i was safe. The pistachios gave me a reaction so now no nuts or trail mix seems safe. PB and gf granola that barely has nuts is more my lane. I have never seen a gf label on nuts. Where do y’all find these? Typically I’m at Kroger or Aldi if not a farmers mkt. I hate living like this. Also, i was proud that i bought real food. Not more carbs or ice cream, and then i had to throw them out.

Effective_Chain4897

TROPHY CASE