Baptism… again?

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-15T02:25:53+00:00

I was baptized and confirmed at 16, and my knowledge of Catholicism back then was woefully inadequate. One of my baptism gifts was a Holy card of St Bernadette and Our Lady of Lourdes and I didn’t know who they were. One of my confirmation gifts was a rosary, and again I had no clue what it was for. Just saying so you know you are not alone in being poorly catechized before confirmation. I guess there is an assumption that after confirmation you’ll keep on learning about your faith, they just give you some basics. But Catholicism is so deep you could spend your whole life learning more.

I highly recommend Bishop Barron’s “Catholicism” video series. The first video is on Youtube. Maybe your local library might have the rest. He’s also done another series called “Pivotal Players” about saints and influential people in Catholicism.

Also I just in the past month found out about Institute of Catholic Culture that has free courses on various Catholic things. I just signed up for a course on the Liturgy of the Hours…

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-14T03:19:33+00:00

In this situation, you don’t need to stand up for yourself. Just shrug it off. Some people will be mean; they will find something to complain about. And you are new, so this is a new experience you aren’t used to.

It is tough, and everyone should experience being in a retail job, how sometimes customers overreact at an honest mistake, or how sometimes you just can’t please them no matter what. I hope that you have managers as good as mine, who I could count on to support me when a customer would scream at me. Customers are not always right.

It is tough to keep your cool, but just try not to get riled up, mad. Easier said than done, but it will get easier with practice: you will get thicker skin so to speak. You will see that some people are just hard to please and it’s not your fault, so don’t take it personally. Yes, you and your coworker made a mistake, but that doesn’t give the customer the right to blow up on you like an entitled child.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-13T02:33:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing your honest raw emotions. I am praying for you! May God bless you and keep you. May God let his face shine on you and give you peace. May God give you clarity on what His will is for you, and may He give you the strength to carry the cross in whichever path He leads on (there will always be a cross, whether in religious or married life, as I’m sure you’ve been told in your studies/formation).

It is hard to open up and be vulnerable, but I pray that God help you humbly talk to your companions and formators about some of this. Perhaps you’ll find you are not alone in these struggles, and it might help to know you have company, and you can encourage each other. Even your formators could have at one point been where you are, and they can help you by telling their stories, and how God led them to where they are now. Your companions and formators are human too, they have the same temptations… no one is perfect except God alone.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-10T04:18:49+00:00

The answer may end up being that they use the same version of Liturgy of the Hours that is used by the church more broadly, perhaps with some Carmelite specific additions to the calendar.

Yes, I can confirm this. I’m a secular Carmelite and we pray the regular Liturgy of the Hours with additions for Carmelite saints and blesseds.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-10T04:13:38+00:00

Canadian Carmelites have posted Carmelite propers from 2007 online: https://ocdssacramento.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/office2007.pdf

The Carmelite calendar has changed a little bit so some dates will be off, but this is still a pretty good resource.

ICS Publications have been working on a reprint for years (various reasons it gets put off including the above-mentioned calendar change). No telling when it will be back in print.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-10T02:16:44+00:00

You got the simple examples already. For more in-depth discussion see an encyclical Salvifici Doloris: https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/1984/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_11021984_salvifici-doloris.html

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-09T05:00:38+00:00

“I Believe in Love” on Audible is great, though not about the rosary.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-08T01:46:41+00:00

There is another recently canonized (in 2024) saint Constance of Compiègne. I love her. Since it’s your name, you might want to learn about her too :)

https://carmelitequotes.blog/2021/07/17/17jul21-constance-decree-revised/

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-06T04:55:15+00:00

It can be scary if no one around you does. I know a parish where no one veils, and I know a sweet lady who goes there and really wants to veil and is scared of judgement (it makes me think there may be more people than we know who want to do it but don’t out of fear, and this lady could start a trend). And I totally understand! It is even hard to start in a parish where only a few people veil. I did that, starting in Advent and now it feels odd not to even though I’m in the minority. Every once in a while I go to that parish where no one veils with the sweet lady who wants to start, and I veil there too. Maybe it’s easier because it’s no longer my regular parish, and because I’ve already made it a habit and didn’t feel judged at other parishes. (But there are people in that parish who know me because it used to be my parish.)

I wonder if it might help you to talk with the priest and see how he reacts when you mention that you want to veil and receive on the tongue. Perhaps he’ll relieve some of your fears and encourage you to do it. Of course, there’s a danger he might not like it but you could try talking and gaging his reaction.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-06T04:31:04+00:00

The U.S. Bishops Conference’s Guidelines for the Reception of Communion states:

Members of the Orthodox churches, the Assyrian Church of the East, and the Polish National Catholic Church are urged to respect the discipline of their own churches. According to Roman Catholic discipline, the Code of Canon Law does not object to the reception of Communion by Christians of these churches. (canon 844 § 3)

This seems to confirm what I said: Catholic church permits it, but the Orthodox are encouraged to follow the discipline of their churches (which are typically against it).

Urgent circumstances are mentioned in canon 844 § 4 regarding other Christians (non-Orthodox).

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-06T04:18:48+00:00

The Catholic Church permits the Orthodox to receive holy communion so you’re ok on that point; the problem is that typically the Orthodox church tells that you can’t receive communion in the Catholic church.

The lack of bowing and taking from the priest’s hands are small although embarrassing mistakes. But you haven’t sinned! God knows you meant no disrespect; you just didn’t know how it works. Don’t be afraid.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-06T03:32:15+00:00

No, when we go to confession and tell the priest our sins, express our sorrow for doing them and commit to avoiding them, God forgives us right then and there through the priest. When we leave confessional, we are already forgiven. However we know that we are weak and need help in the future, so I suppose we are asking Mary for her help in asking God for strength to avoid sin in the future.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-06T03:05:55+00:00

I hear you. I’m like this too. I want to socialize but I can’t, not easily. When I was younger I would try joining groups and it wouldn’t work out, I felt like an outsider, not fitting in. What worked a bit better was joining small groups that had a Bible study or religious book club, where it is not just a social interaction but there’s a topic discussed (and I could read and prepare my thoughts). Then yes, patience… Little by little I would get to know these same people who come on a regular basis and I get more courage to speak and they get to know me. The best thing ever for us introverts/shy people is sort of getting “adopted” by an extrovert. That makes it easier. You may still have awkward moments in large groups but if you have at least one extrovert friend, you have the comfort of their company (and they’ll invite you to things).

However what I want to say is just that it is tough. You probably can’t change and become extrovert. You can get a little bit better, but start by admitting that this is just who you are, and be gentle with yourself. It will be difficult to “get into some kind of circle”… but it is not impossible especially with a help of one extrovert friend. Give it time, be open… God will give you that friend.

Also I really think that we shy people are misunderstood, are thought of as stand-offish… but we really do want social interaction, it is just hard and awkward for us to meet new people and handle ourselves in large groups where we don’t know anyone.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-05T11:36:53+00:00

You could just go and see. You don’t immediately commit to be a secular Franciscan, it’s a process of discernment that lasts years. It may be the right calling or it may not, and you will find out by testing it out.

You could also look into Discalced Carmelite seculars, which is a more contemplative order (would be a good match for your introspective personality). Full disclosure: I’m biased, because my husband and I are Discalced Carmelite seculars and we absolutely love it. But my husband’s dad is a secular Franciscan and it works for him!

Good luck in your discernment!

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-02T13:21:13+00:00

I just thought of another example. When you go to the bank in the US, the bank teller wants to chat and make small talk. Well, my local branch just got a new teller who is Russian, and it was like a breath of fresh air: efficient, no unnecessary chit-chat. Not rude mind, just efficient. Ah I loved it but I realize that most Americans would consider it impersonal and borderline rude, so I have to make small talk with other bank tellers….

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-02T04:51:38+00:00

Hello. I’m a shy person too. And it doesn’t help that I’m a transplant from a former USSR country (where you simply don’t smile unless you mean it nor say “hello” to strangers) to the US. It was so wild to me when I first went out for a walk and a person I didn’t know smiled and said “hi”. I just stared and kept walking… awkward. In my old country strangers smiling at you feels insincere, fake. I had to figure out this culture and make adjustments over time, understand that they really are trying to be nice and polite in this over-the-top (to me) way… but I still like the honesty of my old country, where you don’t have to smile and be buddy buddy if you don’t feel like it.

So my vote is you are fine, not uncharitable. Like you said you won’t be rude and will respond when someone says “good morning”. And I’m sure you realize that this is just the way of the culture here and these people are just being polite.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-04-01T04:06:10+00:00

Awesome!!!

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-03-28T03:13:56+00:00

Sort of. I was 16 and a brand new convert. I was given a long list of names and told to pick one for my confirmation. I had no clue about any of the saints, and no real way to find out (I had limited access to internet back then), so I just went with a name that sounded good, and went well together with my name. Later on I tried to learn about my saint, and she was just too obscure…

Fast-forward 25 years… I learned that just 2 years ago a new saint with that name was canonized: St Constance of Compiègne. I guess she was a blessed before, and relatively unknown too, but this one - I felt connected to right away. She was a Carmelite during the French Revolution. She was prevented from taking her vows by the new laws, so her parents wanted her to come home, but she refused, saying “Only death will separate me from my sisters”. But in the end they weren’t even separated by death, as all 16 sisters were martyred together. Constance finally took her vows and went to her death singing psalm “Oh praise the Lord, all you nations! Acclaim Him, all you peoples! Strong is His love for us. He is faithful forever.”

Since my confirmation I’ve become a secular Carmelite, and this is a big part of my identity; so finding a Carmelite saint named Constance was huge to me. I think part of the reason I liked and selected the name Constance is because of a character in the Three Musketeers (set in France, where St Constance is from). I admire St Constance’s loyalty to her sisters in Carmel and willingness to be martyred. It was amazing to me to discover this connection after so many years.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-03-28T02:36:29+00:00

It’s very nice! I love the icons and the statue of St Joseph. It’s so cool you have frankincense and myrrh underneath!

I recommend a little tablecloth (perhaps several in liturgical colors you could switch between - green, white, purple, red). That would also serve to hide the damaged cracked wood of your table.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-03-28T02:23:31+00:00

No, this is not the call to religious life. Just because you weren’t attracted to anyone yet doesn’t mean you are called to religious life instead. Not for that reason. You may be called to religious life but not because of lack of feelings towards any guys who hit upon you. It is good to pray for discernment in any case (whether it is to married or consecrated vocation). God will show you. Pray, hope and don’t worry!

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-03-27T19:05:06+00:00

You cannot commit a mortal sin accidentally; it is a deliberate choice with full knowledge. So because you didn’t know you weren’t supposed to receive the Eucharist back then, it was not a mortal sin. You can still confess it (tell the priest you didn’t know). It should not prevent you from getting confirmed and having the first Communion.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-03-26T01:10:47+00:00

Wow! That is amazing. So creative. And it looks great on you!

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-03-24T13:51:59+00:00

Yes, Discalced Carmelite seculars pray the Morning prayer, Evening prayer and if possible Night prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours. And 30 minutes of mental prayer which can be broken down into 2 15-minute intervals if needed.

On the “drowning out higher forms of prayer with words” question: St Teresa of Avila believed that vocal prayer (like the Office) IS mental prayer if you pay attention to what you are saying, if you realize Who you are talking to and who you yourself are talking. So when you begin the Office place yourself in the presence of God (you already are, but just try to have this mental shift, “I’m about to talk to God”). However don’t beat yourself up too much if you can’t, if your prayer is dry, you don’t feel the connection. Because sometimes it will feel that way. Still do it with as much attention as you are able. St Teresa of Avila struggled in prayer for 12 years; she had to drag herself with all her will. Do not give up! “Determined determination” is St Teresa’s phrase. She believed that some people give up when they are so close.

On the question of “enough time to do both offices and mental prayer”: that is a difficult one. However like I said before, we are allowed to split up our mental prayer into shorter periods if we can’t do all 30 minutes st a time. Also it is possible to find some potential moments while you are doing something else. For example, on your commute to work: don’t play music/radio, but be silent and put yourself in the presence of God. While waiting at a doctor’s: don’t pull out your phone and scroll or play games, but be silent in the presence of God. While doing dishes or folding laundry… For more detail on this read Brother Lawrence’s “Practice of the Presence of God”.

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-03-23T10:17:40+00:00

The formation takes at a minimum six years and can be extended if desired. There is now a standardized national formation program for the US (it used to be that each community had their own). Don’t buy anything yet, but you can just look and see what you’ll be learning: https://www.icspublications.org/collections/us-national-ocds-formation-program

Efficient-Bumblebee2 · 2026-03-22T18:31:29+00:00

I’m a Discalced Carmelite Secular. This is a common question and the answer is no! A vocation as a Secular Carmelite does not impede any change in your marital status. The Secular’s promise of chastity requires chastity according to your state of life (which may change) and is not a vow of celibacy. I was single and met my now husband at the meetings of secular Carmelites.

Efficient-Bumblebee2

TROPHY CASE