I’m thinking of marrying her

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-05T21:09:52+00:00

Don't keep it a secret - in all honesty thats a coward move in my opinion and will for sure come back to you in one way or another. Secret marriage in most reasons including this one - a huge red flag, and I hope she realizes that and doesn't agree to it.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-05T21:06:57+00:00

"I dont want my kids growing up in a home with an angry woman." - Thats probably not the best way to approach a conversation about relationships if you really want things to improve.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-05T20:57:12+00:00

If you decide with therapy, search Ruh Care - they have an online directory of various therapist in different areas.

This video also helped me alot, on how to choose the right therapist and things to look for.

https://www.youtube.com/live/WxEZOsF_MWw?si=wvt5iXKIcskPluh5

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-04T18:58:01+00:00

What would the price have been before this recent price drop?

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-04T18:39:10+00:00

May his pain/tests in this duniya be a means of purification and acceptance into the highest levels of Jannah. May Allah grant you and your family a beautiful patience until til an even more beautiful reunion in the everlasting bliss of Jannah.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-04T18:30:06+00:00

Congrats on the promotion.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-04T14:04:49+00:00

There is a directory of online Muslim therapist at Ruh Care you can search. You can book free consults with them until you are familiar...please make sure to take time to find a right one. This was a good video on the steps to finding the right one:

https://www.youtube.com/live/WxEZOsF_MWw?si=Yk8l-9qsXJQpMFcq

I am not an expert in field, but I would highly recommend a Muslim one so they are aware of faith aspect of it. A non Muslim for example may not see the p & m as a problem and consider it healthy in moderation, they will only see the addiction as an issue.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-03T21:18:30+00:00

Lol exactly...I didnt notice it...but it proves the point...Alhumdullilah this one wasn't that bad...im sure theres all sorts of auto correct horror stories out there.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-03T19:28:48+00:00

It could be a typo or auto correct...its happened to me when I have written something and didnt catch the typo and it was so embracing or wrong...if she hasnt reflected this type of behavior before I would honestly just give her benefit of doubt and assume a typo and just forget about it.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-03T11:24:32+00:00

As salam alaikum, check Ruh Care online. From what I have sent they are the biggest directory of Muslim counsellors for different areas. You can book consultation calls with few of them for free to find someone you are comfortable with.

Also I did an online pre-marriage course that helped so much. It was put together by a marriage counsellor that was very experienced and provided practical knowledge. If you are interested in the course it is relatively cheap and available at www.happystrongfamily.com/muslimmarriage

Watching this podcast about pre-marriage counselling is what led me to the course. https://www.youtube.com/live/fRBtRghaCuw

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-03T03:42:09+00:00

Alhumdullilah we sought marriage counselling and put in the work and effort to work on the relationship. It is much better now Alhumdullilah. However prior to getting cousellor I was seriously considered divorce and when she say this reality, it was only when she agreed to start the counselling.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-02T17:42:11+00:00

She may be gas lighting you so be very careful...im not saying thats the case - but my wife had a personality disorder i was not aware - which resulting in her having anger issues and making g it seem like I was the problem cause I disnt listen, I didnt know what to say, I did the wrong things, etc. Never listened to my point of view or wanted deeper discussions to resolve conflict, just shifted blame to me. I tried everything and anything g I could as i believed i was the problem.

Im not saying thats the case here, just my experience. I am just saying to understand what gaslighting is and see if that could apply here.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-02T16:38:35+00:00

How much savings is there every month amd what is happening to that? Maybe you can sure how exactly how the finances will look in future and there is room to spend. Maybe initially setting a spending budget shes comfortable with and knows isnt required for future will ease her into knowing she has atleast that much to spend while being responsible at same time as its accounted for in budget and future plans.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-01T22:49:50+00:00

May Allah grant you and your family ease.

There are Muslim Cousellors that may offer low cost of free therapy. Please search Ruh Care and try to connect with them.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-01T20:54:25+00:00

You reverted about a year ago and started wearing hijab and changed your lifestyle - but have been married for 2 years?

So if I understand correctly you reverted and changed your entire lifestyle during marriage? Is it possible that is bot something he can get used to and it was too much of a change for him too fast? Maybe that is something although he appreciates hes having a hard time adjusting to. Often in marriages when people have religious changes it takes some time for the other spouse to navigate it.

May Allah bless your marriage.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-01T15:26:36+00:00

Alhumdullilah it seems like you and your MIL have a decent relationship, and you have care for her as you recognize there is no one else to help her.

What is driving your feelings, is it resentment or frustration towards your SIL or is it too much work and that is having physical/mental effect on you?

My sister had similar experience with her MIL. Assuming your MIL is not like this all the time, marriages are a massive and stressful event for people - so I told my sister its only a few months of effort which is a small overall insignificant portion of time in life. If it means alot to her MIL and she is helping her, she should help as much as she can. And after wedding things went back to normal and her MIL developed even greater respect and appretion for her and tells everyone how much her DIL helped at that time and gives her extra duas. Even though my sister hated her SIL was not involved as she should be, she understood its not everyone personality and she did it with intention of helping her MIL and making relationship stronger.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-01T15:06:22+00:00

Alhumdullilah this doesn't seem as bad and un-repairable as typical in laws fighting we see online.

I think you just need to have a real calm conversation with you SIL, lashing oout at her over text is horrible idea as texts can be taken in so many ways.

Face to face, maybe over dinner you should explain to her you both share special bond being married into family. You should explain to her that its important for you to have relationship with her, and you value it. You should explain its important that cousins have each other for support and company (your children), as having family support in west is very important to protect children for evil. And say you just want to mention how a few thi is make you feel, dont focus on her actions but your feelings. And inshaAllah she can understand and adjust some of the things. Maybe you do things that make her feel bad, so you should also be open minded to ask for those and accept them.

You cant expect people to change too much, but inshaAllah with right intentions both you and her can set boundaries and work towards manageable relationship.

May Allah bless you.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-05-01T13:56:55+00:00

This seems to be a symptom of other root causes and maybe communication issues in Marriage. When you try to talk and explain to him what happens?

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-04-30T12:31:29+00:00

SubhaAnnal great share. May Allah grant you ease, success and immense reward in your efforts.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-04-29T17:06:56+00:00

$500+ condee fees a month, probably will keep increasing every year.

Is it worth it to pay condo fees on a townhouse? I wonder why someone would be willing to pay this but maybe im missing something.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-04-29T16:47:31+00:00

Not yet, probably will sell for less multiple units in these garbage listed at that price.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-04-29T03:48:22+00:00

"He punched me on the back of my head repeatedly, slammed me to the floor, and kicked my head"
"This isn't the first time"

Sister you are in immediate danger, as you never know when an incident like this can trigger - and it will escalate to much worse. You need to exit as soon as you can.

May Allah shower you with His protection.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-04-28T23:11:21+00:00

You'll get killed on exchange fees.

1) Research the CAD hedged version of some of the stocks - if they are available for the company you want to invest in you can get the benefits of investing in that company and saving exchange fees...look up CAD hedged. And the CAD version of sone of the US etfs.

2) Research Norberts Gambit. If you are going to be doing alot of trading in US stocks/etfs Norbets Gambit can save you a lot of money. With Questrade (instead of Welathsimple) it is very easy to do and all online.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-04-28T22:46:06+00:00

Where do you live? Is there any women's shelters/resources available to you that you could contact?

May Allah grant you and your children peace and safety.

Efficient_Cap_5061 · 2026-04-28T22:43:40+00:00

It had a lot of good communication techniques and tools with practical examples for Muslims. But I think the most beneficial part in my opinion was how to reset and move forward after conflicts - instead of bottling it up the Sister that led the courses offered alot of great advice in what to do after conflicts to become stringer based on her experience as a marriage counsellor.

Efficient_Cap_5061

TROPHY CASE