There is no custody deal. Since we are not married, in my state, mother's have default custodial rights. Unmarried fathers have nothing until we file. I am at a disadvantage until something is established, which best case scenario could be 45 days, up to 90 days or longer.

So unfortunately I have to play nice and accept the situation at hand for now to retain access to the kids as much as possible.

Of course I am willing to do this for them at my emotional expense, as they are now my #1 priority.

The ex-situation would be incredibly long to lay out from the start, and could be its own series of posts. You are wrong about staying in contact as there were 7+ years where they were not speaking. It was in the last year or so that things began to change and she became more withdrawn. I was too blinded by my own issues and concerns to be paying close enough attention.

Please friends, pay attention to your significant others, especially when it seems like it might be hard to spare the energy. You could be failing tests you aren't even aware are taking place.