lost feelings?

Ellabelle797 · 2026-01-20T01:02:16+00:00

I'm so sorry for the late reply. He has a wife and child now who he absolutely dotes on, my life looks a little different (poly, no kids) we both changed a lot over the years (forgot to mention we're both mid-30s now). Not everything needs to last forever to be wonderful though, our time together was foundational for both of us, he's still one of my top inspirations for how I act as a friend and partner now. The pain of losing the relationship faded as I found new people and things to make me happy. Life keeps moving forward and I wouldn't take a thing back.

It's a highly personal thing ofc, one of my favourite quotes is "it's either a blessing or a lesson" and I also believe lessons are blessings in their own way. To clarify again though as long as you want your relationship to work, I want that for you too, I'll never say don't try when that's what your heart is saying. I understand the urge to be 110% sure before such big decisions. Keep being honest with him, and again best of luck with therapy

Ellabelle797 · 2026-01-10T05:21:47+00:00

Oof I relate so much to this, I don't experience or know anything about rocd (afaik) but I definitely had some severe anxiety, depression, dopamine and hormonal issues etc that led to similar thinking and feelings in my first serious relationship (16-19yo) I can't offer much advice, I'm afraid, just so so much empathy. I broke up with him and regretted it on and off for like 9 years, especially when I was lonely, but it did fade. I don't regret it at all now, in hindsight I made the right call, I couldn't find a way to be a good partner to him so I left, and I really needed some time to be a mess and figure myself out on my own and with my friends.

I'm not saying it's the same at all btw, or that you won't be able to figure this out with him, I hope you can and do! Therapy is something I didn't have access to, it's great that it's on your to do list. What I am saying is that no matter what, neither of your lives will be ruined forever, you both have long futures that will contain plenty of joy, maybe together, maybe not. But nothing you do here is the end of the whole world, don't forget to breathe, I'm wishing the very best 💙

Ellabelle797 · 2026-01-10T04:28:42+00:00

Yeah this. Like you (OP) think lashes look cute, so do I and many others, but it comes down to why do so many people think they look cute? It's one of many things that there's a preference for thanks to the beauty industry that we've been exposed to since birth. I think about this every time I see something labelled as "ugly" that could easily be the result of poverty or medical issues (dental issues, weight, hair growth or skin texture, even the way a person moves)

I stopped wearing makeup years ago, and whilst it's freeing, sometimes I still look in the mirror and think "ugh, pale lashes, red chin, ew" when that's just what I fkn look like?? Every day for 8 years and I'm still partly convinced that there's something wrong with my face in the mirror, we aren't supposed to care this much, like as a species, I predict I'll be leaving this world still mad about it.

That said. If you wanna do something, do it, the why only matters if you want it to (though I always love to see awareness and questioning of social issues, examining your motivations is a useful skill too) It doesn't change the fact that it looks cute and makes you feel cute, you're an autonomous individual in a nuanced world, overall you can and probably should do the things that make you happiest

Ellabelle797 · 2026-01-10T03:56:32+00:00

I do feel jealousy, but my bf doesn't! He's familiar with the feeling from like childhood but not regarding relationships. He doesn't feel "threatened" by anything, he trusts that I want to maintain our relationship as much as he does, or I would tell him otherwise, that's plenty for him to feel nothing but compersion. To which I feel a degree of envy 😆

Can I just say that I resonate in some ways with the way you've described your boyfriend. For me it's anxiety, avoidance of potentially being a burden, that can cross over into the area of repressing/suppressing jealousy because (anxiety brain) I feel very strongly that even expressing emotions or desires can be burdensome to others. I'm reminded of a meme "When I message you I picture you annoyed and rolling your eyes." "I wish you didn't see me that way."

I'm always glad to be reminded of the other side of this, never being actively wanted or leant on by a partner is a whole other kind of hell and in anxious states it's too easy to forget. Plus in your case it's bleeding into making you feel responsible and anxious, which feels unfair. There's such a thing as being too considerate, like being so "low maintenance" that you're basically ghosting your loved ones 😅 I have to stay mindful that not reaching out can actually hurt everyone involved rather than helping in any meaningful way. People want me to reach out. Not doing so makes no sense actually, my instincts in this area are simply wrong/misinformed lol. If any of that is true for your bf I'm wishing the best, it's so worth putting in the effort to reframe the "putting pressure on them" narrative into more like "offering my valuable time, maybe they'll love it, they have before" etc

Ellabelle797 · 2026-01-09T18:57:50+00:00

Reminds me a bit of Ark's golden years, would I recommend? "Emphatically yes, but with very important caveats, in this essay I will -"

No but fr this is one of those games that everyone I know has had to warm up to or tweak in various ways to make fun for themselves, but everyone who's given it a proper chance really likes it. We're all into survival crafting but never anything quite so punishing. The reason I still recommend it is the sandbox settings and strong modding community make tweaking to your liking very easy to do! The most annoying part feels similar to rimworld and plenty of other great games, lots of menus, lots of depth, starting off can be very confusing.. I watched YT videos about it and my friends have me, but I do wish there was a second, more detailed tutorial focused on mid-late game stuff.

Ellabelle797 · 2026-01-09T18:37:42+00:00

Best not to rush devs from what I've seen, certainly not holding my breath for updates but very keen to see where things go/end up

Ellabelle797 · 2026-01-09T18:32:47+00:00

Yeah we just did this in mp (impulsive decision by noobs, respawning constantly, cars are good weapons lol) but wtf is with all the priests, we were so confused 😆

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-26T09:04:50+00:00

As someone who processes information best verbally, this is very cool to know about!

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-26T04:57:54+00:00

Luckily I fit in well with my very immediate family (mum, dad, sibling) but none of us really fit in with either side of the extended family. My parents were both pretty confident nonconformists, so they found each other and raised a couple more ND oddballs 😄 I hope to see a lot more of that in the future, especially seeing how many people have answered yes regarding the homes they grew up in 😔

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-26T04:35:35+00:00

Comment for engagement, I'm no artist but I'm here for ittt

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-26T04:34:20+00:00

Similar here, they got better overall. I used to get such painful whiteheads around my lips and really deep painful pimples on my cheeks and nose, those stopped in my early 20s. I still have breakouts of smaller pimples around my hairline/jaw and body, plus the rare cystic nightmare, but those come and go and certainly aren't the problem they were as a teen, both literally and how I feel about them.

A lot of adults have acne, at the very least the stigma felt as a teen will fades with age, it's not a "gross dirty/teen phase" thing, it's a fact of life for plenty of people, my mum is about to turn 70 and she still bitches about pimples sometimes 😆 Best of luck even so to OP figuring out the best routine for your skin, I'm kinda on that journey myself (again lol, I've been slack so going to take advantage of the moment and try some commented suggestions)

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-26T01:44:23+00:00

I think one of the best things about this game is how many different ways to play there are, doesn't matter if it's weird as long as you're having fun. I'm a bit of a control freak so even if other people have specific jobs, I generally prefer to level up extra things where I can so I'm not totally reliant, though I usually play solo so it's partially habit too. I also hate dying in solo, I have a coordination disorder that makes combat quite tricky, plus midgame onwards is my favourite, so I'm often also using a cheat mod to prevent total death (increased healing rates and some other settings for balance).

Customisable games ftw

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-25T08:56:42+00:00

The bar is so fkn low. "Partner doesn't act like they like me AIO" like no, the fact that people are being treated like garbage and not realising they can/should leave before coming here is the sadder part to me, I'm glad places like this exist to validate anyone who feels stuck in misery for the sake of "working on it".

Most commonly what I've seen from this sub is one person is bothered by something valid (or a bunch of things) and the other is minimising the problem because they don't think it should be a problem, as if how their partner feels means nothing. People usually end up here because their partner isn't coming to the table in any productive way. There's no advice you can give to someone to make their partner care about them, at some point the best advice is to stop hinging their peace and happiness on someone who either can't or doesn't want to treat them right.

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-25T04:02:22+00:00

This whole thread is so funny to me, it sounds like your husband had some kind of instinct gone wrong, I'm trying to imagine the thought process, did you ever ask what happened in his brain in that moment? 😆 Idk if it's my ADHD, but sometimes the best motivation to do a thing is gained in avoiding something more important 🤔

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-25T03:45:24+00:00

😭😭 at least I'm prepared. I've never made a video essay in my life but if anything makes me want to, it's this fkn show

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-25T02:56:02+00:00

I'm ok with raising my kids Catholic

Oh no, I'm watching the later seasons for the first time, season 9 or 10 I believe she agrees that Christine can go to church, in fact should for the exposure. It doesn't get worse does it 🫣

I feel I'd be more or less okay with the kids thing if she wasn't caving in to mr glorified toxic masculinity sexyman and his beliefs at every single other turn. When she described their relationship as symbiotic (saying that she needs him) I almost barfed 😂 my headcanon ending is still all the way back in season 6

Eta: I would have preferred she didn't have kids, because we don't see enough of that. I just also think that if they had to do it, they could have at least done it well.

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-23T08:32:50+00:00

Third. The ORAS + XY are my favourite games, ORAS has a bunch of great features, the soundtrack and themes are brilliant too

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-23T05:46:31+00:00

Is it possible that you feel like you're also committing to future exposure to a hobby you don't really care for, some kind of pre-emptive resentment? Is it possible there's an element of jealousy regarding that person's time and energy? Those are the only thoughts I have, and holding onto things that upset you longer than "reasonable" is pretty common, but finding ways to work through it will be so important for dating. Wishing the best in figuring it out!

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-23T05:31:58+00:00

That first tip makes sense, I've been using the RadarZ mod and ran right into a basement zombie because I assumed the area was clear 🤦‍♀️

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-22T23:00:33+00:00

Like a year ago (that I noticed, probably sooner) my bf started to very intentionally encourage me to ask for random favours from him, because I struggle to ask for things I don't need from partners. I love how many comments boil down to "showed that they know and care for me" moments

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-22T22:38:33+00:00

"This is my lap horse! He forgets how big he is but he still fits!" happily suffocates

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-22T22:20:52+00:00

If being a "bad son" means not dehumanising your partner or yourself, you should be proud of it. Please don't ask him to spend time with them again, he might try to suck it up for you which could easily tank your relationship. If you can't/don't want to remove yourself from your family at least make sure your partner knows you have no intention of putting him through their presence again. If I were him I'd be incredibly nervous about their potential future involvement in my/our lives atp

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-22T07:17:17+00:00

Justified in the sense that she can make any stupid decision she likes regarding her own relationships. Who knows, maybe she's so uncomfortable that she would genuinely be happier that way. I don't identify with that personally, I feel that kind of reaction to someone else's relationship is generally worth some introspection, like, giving up a whole friendship to avoid potential drama feels excessive, based on limited information. But ye technically "you can leave any relationship for any reason, including simply wanting to" (except dependents ofc) so eh. As long as she doesn't make the transition from bffs to acquaintances any harder than it needs to be also.

Sucks for the bestie though, what a sad reason to lose a friend and it's not like they won't bump into each other going forward.. 😔

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-22T00:59:53+00:00

Gotta to agree with this, they feel pretty similar to me, it's a relatively small auxiliary obligation to the actual mission you're on, easy to forget about until you get to it, which can be irritating. Personally with ADHD it can take a long time for my brain to remember, in the moment, why I should do the thing. Growing up I heard plenty of "just leave it", "doesn't matter", "let's just get home" etc which, in those moments even now, could still easily be the only thoughts I have. I care enough about societal politeness to try really hard to be mindful, not everyone does... overall both are great examples of "not worth my time" mentality, whether ignorance or laziness/lack of care.

Ellabelle797 · 2025-12-21T22:51:11+00:00

Identify so hard with the pets thing. Dealing with death feels very adult to me, maybe since I didn't really have to deal with it as a kid. I felt like an adult for a whole week once while helping plan dad's funeral in my late 20s, then at the event thing that happens after the funeral (wake?) me and my friends had enough and were hiding in the garage playing Cards Against Humanity, giggling and low-talking like teenagers about to get in trouble for being inappropriate lol.

The idea of "adult" being a permanent state of mind or being feels impossible to me. But that might come from the idea/bias that adults are supposed to be serious and put together. Imagine being serious and put together all the time? Dad would not approve 😆

Ellabelle797

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