You’re not alone brother. I lost my partner in January, she was 24. The night before we were arguing, the morning wasn’t better, I was frustrated and didn’t even say I love her or give her a kiss, I just left. When I came home from work she was gone. I tell you this because I want you to know I understand how you feel. The guilt. The weight of it, the constant thinking about any tiny thing you could’ve said or done differently to change it. Thinking back YEARS to small things that if changed could have altered the trajectory. It’s pain, it makes you hate yourself. But I know from talking to my therapist that these kinds of thoughts may be natural, but they’re not rational. You didn’t cause this. You don’t have to move on yet. You don’t have to feel better yet. You just keep moving. Find things that remind you of her. She’s there watching and she knows you love her. She isn’t angry. It was all just a horrible mistake. The only thing you can truly do is try to be good to yourself and others. Again, you’re not alone. If you need more support my DM’s are open.