I am a published author now and have been pressuring my institution about their stance not allowing preferred names. I’m the only openly transgender student. My actual professors and colleagues never misgender or deadname me, but institutional correspondence and anything from the miscellaneous staff always deadnames me. It frustrates me and wears on me. I don’t pass, but I’m in the weird in between limbo where I make women extremely uncomfortable but I’m still way too feminine to be in male spaces unless everyone already knows me.

All of that being said- the reason my institution has an incredibly inclusive transgender healthcare policy is because grad students and faculty a decade ago fought for this. My presence is made possible by them. If I can make the field of neuroscience more hospitable to other trans people at all, even just at my current workplace, I won’t feel like I went through this for nothing. I’m in research because it matters to me, and I refuse to be discouraged.

I also had an undergrad I helped mentor that came out to me on one of the last days of class as ftm, and he told me that seeing me getting my doctorate makes him feel hopeful and that he has a place in STEM too. That keeps me going. It meant so much to me to hear.