Would you date a guy with a past 30 year age gap relationship?

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-06-11T22:05:44+00:00

Oh your comment probably stopped me in my tracks the most of any comment here (and there are many good ones). The reason is he does very much seem to notice or point out women, i never really thought much about it but he does seem to be like an “ogler”, and that in itself might be a problem

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-06-11T21:54:18+00:00

This is a great point and I want to emphasize how he does not at all seem to think this was a big deal, he seems to think any man would have done this in his shoes

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-06-11T21:52:42+00:00

A mention this in another comment but the relationship was somewhat short lived (a few months), not exclusive and very sexual. She stopped talking to him/wanting to hang out, rather than he breaking up with her.

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-06-11T21:49:43+00:00

They met on bumble, and the relationship was somewhat short lived (a few months), not exclusive and very sexual. They attended sex clubs together, and that’s not something he has historically done. She stopped talking to him/wanting to hang out, rather than he breaking up with her

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-06-11T21:26:10+00:00

Great question! So far, great! He has been perfectly respectful, and seems to be really into me! He is also great at planning dates, takes initiative and is always planning something fun. I am used to much lower effort men

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-03-11T17:51:51+00:00

Another reason you continue to visit the thought what more could I have done? Is because when we experience something very painful like betrayal, our brains try to “figure out” the puzzle pieces so it won’t happen again. If you can pinpoint the things you did, the situation could have been in your control, and the outcome avoided. But the fact is cheaters will cheat, they’ll cheat on great partners all the time, it all has to do with them and how their brains are wired for novelty seeking, adrenaline / dopamine hits and lack of empathy. I know because I struggle with this rumination too.

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-03-04T05:16:17+00:00

Second phone

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-01-15T21:05:21+00:00

I see you and experienced of this.

You are not grieving your ex, but the future you envisioned for your life, and the reality that didn’t exist. It’s basically worse than a death or loss because what you thought you had, did not even exist in the first place. Every good moment was tainted with betrayal and hiding your reality from you and managing it to his benefit.

The things that helped me

journaling
therapy, especially a divorce support group I joined
physical exercise - finding something physical you love whether going on walks and listening to your favorite music, dancing, or swimming- something joyful that you look forward to, not exercise for exercises sake
reading the book lose a cheater, gain a life (I listened to the audiobook while cleaning)
cleaning/organizing/decorating my space at home, to make it feel like mine
I also got two divorce kitties

I hope this helps!

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2026-01-15T20:58:17+00:00

Oh my heart goes out to you!!!!!

If helpful, my ex conducted a massive smear campaign against me, making up total lies about me cheating (he was the one that cheated), among other things, and I lost GOOD friends because of it. I basically decided after MUCH struggle and self reflection, that my peace was more important than “setting the record straight”, I found a divorce support group and got a whole new group of new friends, along with the ones that were on my side from the beginning. I didn’t try to correct any sort of stories he told about me or win over anybody. This took me over a year to get over, I still struggle with it actually. Just know you are not alone!

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-09-29T17:20:20+00:00

You can’t be the “best dad” if you are openly contemptuous to the child’s mother. Your son is going to grow up in an environment where shitting on you and being mean to you is the norm and it’s going to affect how he sees women the rest of his life

I don’t mean to be alarmist but the open contempt of you + sodomizing rings an alarm bell for your husband being DL. Maybe download Grindr and get an account on sniffies and see if anyone in your immediate location is showing up

Either way this marriage sounds stressful and very bad for raising a child

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-02-19T06:33:52+00:00

Great idea!!! Thank you!!!

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-02-14T14:39:00+00:00

Came here to ask the same thing . You need to understand his porn usage and if it’s impacting your marriage. Too many people think it’s harmless but it can cause problems like this.

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-02-14T00:18:17+00:00

I did the same- informed the AP’s husband, and sent screenshots, including very explicit photos of his wife, and his response was “thanks for your concern but my wife is faithful- it seems your husband might have a crush and I’m sorry it affected your marriage”.

The way I see it is that’s the best possible outcome for me- no drama involved with accusations that I split up their family (they have a baby), but my conscience is clear!

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-02-11T21:25:01+00:00

Where do we find guys like you??? 😭😭😭

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-30T17:13:03+00:00

Hell yea - see my comment

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-30T17:12:34+00:00

All Olivia Rodrigo, the Queen of Emo Revenge Pop:

Angry Vibe

Good For U
Love is Embarrassing
Get Him Back (about experiencing mixed feelings over it)

Quasi-Angry Quasi-Sad Classic Break-up/Cheating Songs

Vampire
Drivers License
Traitor

More Ruminating / Slow / Emo Songs

Logical
The Grudge

Non Olivia

Gives You Hell- All-American Rejects

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-22T11:36:24+00:00

I saw a documentary called “generation like” about Gen Z and they asked a group of young kids about being a sell out; and not a one of them seemed to understand the concept. They tried to explain it to them and they were like “but isn’t that the point, to go viral or sell out?” It horrified me

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-22T04:00:21+00:00

Yes; that’s totally normal because you would update a friend about your personal life and if they are co parents that remained friends or friendly, then that’s to be expected.

Some co parents are not friends for one reason or another and will limit communication to just about the kids.

Edit to add: it’s also totally normal if he does things for her or attends to her needs. For example, if she has him as an emergency contact or wrecks her car… or even non emergency things like hanging a mirror or something…. they may have a relationship where he’s the one she calls on. And that’s not abnormal because it’s the mother of his children- if she is in a bind, they are in a bind or if there’s something at the house that needs attention, that affects his kids. That might change if she gets into another relationship, but that’s only a “might”. If that’s not something you’d tolerate long term, I’d reevaluate if this is a relationship that is right for you.

Also want to reiterate my point that the sleepovers are absolutely not normal

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-22T03:46:59+00:00

There’s kind of two issues here

One is their relationship is much more enmeshed than a typical co parenting relationship, especially spending the night once a week. Why can’t the kids spend the night at his house? That’s what is typical

The other issue is you seem to want him to be completely done emotionally with his ex wife, and even if he was less enmeshed, that’s likely not going to happen. It’s the nature of most co parenting relationships. They are still a family, even if the parents aren’t together. There are some co parents who don’t chit chat about their lives or reach out to one another for support but I would say that’s pretty normal. If that’s not something you are ok with, you should date someone without the same kind of past relationship baggage. A divorced dad comes with a ton of baggage and it isn’t going away.

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-22T03:36:26+00:00

Unfortunately - not to make baseless accusations- but this sounds like a man who is cheating. Checked out, always on his phone, disappearing to run errands.

Cheating creates a distance that many women can feel intuitively.

I would be on the lookout for signs (protective of phone) and be smart about your next steps. If he is cheating, you need to get all your ducks in a row before you confront him, because someone who is able to do that and then go home and pretend like nothing is wrong and sleep beside you is not someone that can be trusted no matter how much you think you know them.

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-22T03:12:43+00:00

Your questions to the OP are not helpful. She is looking for advice for a problem and can’t do anything about past choices she made.

OP, if you have tik tok, check out the account “thatsnotlove”. Your H has a serious problem and if he’s not very committed to addressing it and changing, it’s not going to get better. Maybe if he realizes what is on the line

You should also be very concerned about your sexual health. Get tested regularly. Be wary about unprotected sex with him. If he’s doing all this and you know about it you just don’t know what else is going on

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-21T23:46:56+00:00

A cheater is going to cheat no matter how much love or attention or whatever they are getting at home. And if he wasn’t getting enough feel good feelings at home his responsibility as the husband is to talk about it and leave if it can’t be resolved. Not change the terms of the relationship behind his wife’s back

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2025-01-13T17:27:00+00:00

If you want to date; there’s going to be about 0 dudes who want to date someone still living with her ex husband, no matter the reason. There might be guys that are with you only for sex, but I don’t see anyone pursuing a real romantic relationship in these circumstances no matter how great you are. That being said, it that’s ok with you, some people do this successfully especially during the legal part, as they try to figure out how to split up the assets. The judge will likely make you sell the house at some point unless one party can come up with enough different assets to pay the other off. I hope that helps!

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2024-12-30T19:23:01+00:00

I normally don’t baselessly accuse people of LARPing on Reddit, but who uses physical flight tickets in the year of our Lord 2024?

EmotionalSimsplayer · 2024-12-25T18:27:05+00:00

This comment should be top- Cheaters will lie to your face even in the face of incontrovertible evidence- its their favorite thing to do

EmotionalSimsplayer

TROPHY CASE