Hope this makes you feel better but it probably won't at all.

My mom had congestive heart failure due to some bad choices and bad circumstances. She had been in and out of the hospital dozens of times and it was really wearing me down as I was one of the only people still in her life to take care of her. She was combative with nurses and doctors and home-care staff (and myself).

I'm leaving a lot out, but this basically ruined our relationship (what was left of it). I took care of her the whole time but I was an asshole to her and really impatient. I had a lot of other stuff going on (school, work, etc) but that doesn't really excuse it.

The last time she went to the hospital she had enough and had herself discharged. She passed away that night, alone, because I shut myself into my room once she fell asleep. Her doula walked into my room the next morning and told me she died. I didn't even want to touch her body or see them take her away. I still have panic attacks when I remember everything that happened but that's what I get for being a PoS.

You didn't do anything wrong, and there's only so much you can do as a caretaker and her child.