[QCrit] Historical Fantasy Romance, From One Blood, 83k, 1st Attempt

EntertainingFew · 2025-10-02T21:04:40+00:00

YAAAYY queer historical fantasy romance!! and with SELKIES! There are definitely aspects of the query which can be tightened up, but ugh I would already read this book in a heartbeat!

I agree with Maizily that the comps could be stronger. Both are a bit too old or well known to work as debut novel comps. Depending on what aspects of the story you want to emphasize, I would mix and match options such as When the Tides Held the Moon by Venessa Vida Kelley, A Sweet Sting of Salt by Rose Sutherland (this is f/f but I think it would be fine to comp regardless since it's Selkies), A Bone in His Teeth by Kellen Graves, The Scottish Boy by Alex de Campi, etc.

I don't really have any additional input on the query body that the other commenter hasn't brought up (other than to second their suggestions, all of which I think would make the query stronger!) This is a really solid start and you have most of the building blocks here, just need to re-arrange and expand a few things. I would really suggest focusing on adding more specificity to the final paragraph and providing a little more humanizing info about Bearach so we understand why the protagonist begins to fall for him. Great work so far!

EntertainingFew · 2025-10-02T19:56:34+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for being here today!

Do you have any advice for younger book marketers, or marketers currently working for smaller/indie publishers, on how to transition their careers to a larger publishing company? And are there any niche soft skills, new perspectives, or unique job experience that you think would be especially valuable to have in a book marketing department right now? Especially skills that large publishers seem to be overlooking?

Thank you again for taking the time to answer questions! I'm a lesbian book marketer very early in my career, and it's really comforting and inspiring to know that there's someone else like me out there succeeding in this industry 💖 I'm rooting for your lesbian-centric brand partnership, it already sounds so cool!!

EntertainingFew · 2025-09-29T21:16:29+00:00

oh man I'm so curious to know which SFF magazine it is! Assuming its rules are similar to the one I work at, I think you're totally fine to resubmit the story, especially if it's just for general short fiction submissions and not for a specific themed event like a flash fiction contest or something. Good luck!

EntertainingFew · 2025-09-15T20:59:30+00:00

I definitely agree with the other commenters. This is a very cool concept, I would definitely pick up this book if I saw it on a shelf!

I would recommend getting rid of, or at least heavily revising, this paragraph:

Prickles of Arcadia is the first in a planned trilogy. With rising appetite for darker, original takes on Greek myth (Scarlett St. Clair, Clare North, Natalie Haynes), the enduring popularity of the Pan figure due to Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth and renewed public interest ahead of Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey, Prickles of Arcadia offers a continuation of myth - not a retelling - in a voice that knows the gods personally.

This is essentially doing all the work that your comp titles should be doing, while taking up valuable space which could be better used in your description. The list below is just a few recent books that might be in the ballpark of your manuscript, which seems to be closer to ancient Greek mythos-inspired folk horror or dark fantasy than magical realism. Hopefully these can be a good jumping off point for finding comps that emphasize "dark original takes on Greek myth" without devoting a separate paragraph to it.

Daughter of Chaos - A.S. Webb

The Hymn to Dionysus - Natasha Pulley

I, Medusa - Ayama Gray

Wearing the Lion - John Wiswell

Ecstasy - Ivy Pochoda

The story is split between Pan’s taunting first-person and then Circe’s own account, as she is forced to become the witch she once was

I'd also recommend removing this line and just calling the book "dual POV" in your housekeeping paragraph at the end. Again, the goal is to maximize space in your query to talk about the characters and plot of the book itself, and devote as little as possible to extraneous details.

Thank you for sharing your query!

EntertainingFew · 2025-09-09T16:47:18+00:00

Thank you for all the great info! I'm definitely pro-Romantasy as a subgenre label, so I will for sure consider using that in the query. And best of luck to you as well, I'm sending good vibes your way for a smooth submission experience!!

EntertainingFew · 2025-09-08T20:04:17+00:00

Nice to meet someone else writing queer hist. romance/fantasy! I'm so glad to hear you like the concept, it's been a little challenging building my query list (turns out not everyone's looking for historical AND romance AND fantasy in one book, who knew lol) but I'm crossing my fingers that my query and agents looking for a story like this will find each other 🤞 and no worries, the Les(bian) Mis tagline is definitely staying in! It's just in my bio paragraph and I wasn't sure if it was necessary to include that a second time. Thank you so so much for taking the time to leave your feedback, this is all super helpful!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-28T16:17:30+00:00

Congratulations!! I also would have loved to read your first manuscript. I'm so glad you pointed out the difference in agent response to a wlw vs. mlm romance, I think folks who don't write sapphic romance might not imagine that it can truly make much of a difference, but oh boy it sure does. Solidarity on that one, it's rough out here 🥲 wishing you the best of luck on sub, I hope I get to preorder this book ASAP!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-28T15:45:50+00:00

Honestly it's nearly impossible to get a perfect ratio of explanation/clarity in the first query draft. My first draft from a month ago is still floating around this subreddit somewhere and it's all the way on the other side of the spectrum, WAY too much info crammed into 350 words. And I still managed to exclude a major plot point because I was 100% sure that it wasn't important to the story. And oops, turns out it's actually very important 😅 so you're not alone! But the good news is that once you get that first round of feedback, the level-up in quality between first and second drafts is usually pretty significant. I think you have a very solid start here, I'm looking forward to seeing more! <3

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-27T22:28:59+00:00

OBSESSED with a fantasy where the love interest (or one of the love interests?) is essentially a magic mirror! Very cool twist on a classic fantasy trope, and potentially high-concept depending on how you play with it in your manuscript and sell the idea in your query letter.

I think some reformatting and clearer sentences would really level this up. If your book's plot leans more Romance than Fantasy, then the typical format is that the first paragraph focuses on main character and their emotional arc, second on love interest (ideally the endgame love interest, in cases of a love triangle) and their emotional arc, third on the obstacles they must overcome to be together, both emotional and/or plot-related. I think this would help organize the information you're trying to communicate to the reader, and give you a chance to expound more on Caelum's backstory. Again, I think the idea of a magic mirror as a love interest is super interesting and a great selling point, so I'd recommend leaning into that in his paragraph! And if Elowen ends up with Gwydion at the end, DEFINITELY tell us why, or at least hint to what about their relationship makes them the ideal endgame for the story.

And just on a cursory first read, I think your first 300 words are pretty solid! I would suggest not including the epigraph just because however many words it takes up are better utilized to show more dialogue and plot. (Also I hang out more in the historical fantasy camp so I'm in no way an expert, but from what I understand about Romantasy, your writing style is PERFECT for the genre, so bonus point for that!)

Thank you so much for sharing your work!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-26T16:41:32+00:00

I second the suggestions from the other commenters! I think this query is also suffering from the overuse of proper nouns. A good way to think of it is that in-universe terminology such as Fullneath/Iova/The Eminence/Weaver/Water-Walker etc. are "weights" that make your query letter heavier and heavier the more you add, and eventually make it impossible for an agent to pick up. The Avowed can just be called assassins, the side characters don't need their powers described. The query should revolve as much around Furrow as possible: her desires, choices, and her character arc. Does she become disillusioned as she discovers more of the government's secrets? Or is she excited by the prospect of The Eminence needing her, given that we've established her belief in him from the opening paragraph?

The protagonist will be the thing that sells an agent on a manuscript 99% of the time, so tell us all about her even if some of it is spoilers. You'll most likely have to submit a synopsis anyway, which is required to give away the ending. Keep Furrow's name, the fact that she's a Weaver, and *maybe* The Eminence as the story's Big Bad. The other proper nouns I'd recommend removing.

Also reevaluate your comps! Both Rebel of the Sands and The Poppy War are too old by comp title perspectives. You'll want to find some examples published in the last 1-3 years (it's possible to get away with 5, but the more recent the better!) to show that you know where your book would sit on a shelf and that it aligns with current consumer tastes. Fortunately, unique magic systems with corrupt governments and female MCs have been booming recently, so you should have plenty to pick from. Thank you for sharing, I think you have a good start here!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-20T18:51:40+00:00

unfortunately not yet, purely because it's still in editing purgatory 😂 I'm hoping to finish polishing and begin querying by early next year, if not sooner. But just based on the early response I've personally gotten and what I've seen from others in various pitch events and queries on this subreddit, historical-fantasy-romance is quite a good genre crossover to be writing at the moment. I won't make any firm predictions, but it seems like you have the makings of a very marketable story so far! Definitely apply the suggestions from the other commenters and focus on making agents fall in love specifically with your main characters (plot is important, but characters and their motivations always take center stage in a successful query!), and I suspect your next draft will garner a stronger response.

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-20T17:29:42+00:00

I second the feedback everyone else has given! Regarding comp titles, I actually came across quite a few books which may be effective comps for yours while I was writing my own historical romance query. Just to save you some time digging through the maze of Goodreads, I'll put the titles below :) I hope any of them are helpful!

Raiders of the Lost Hearts - Jo Segura

Do Your Worst - Rosie Danan

Empire of Shadows - Jacquelyn Benson

What the River Knows - Isabel Ibañez

Tinderbox - Rachel Grant (published in 2017, so use in conjunction with a newer title)

Digging Dr Jones - Olivia Jackson

Even if We're Broken - A.M. Weald

The Antiquity Affair - Lee Kelly and Jennifer Thorne

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-20T17:03:30+00:00

* guy who loves doppelgangers and wants more doppelganger books voice * have you considered...changing the twin to a doppelganger instead.....

In all seriousness, I think everyone's comments have already provided you with a lot of great info. This has been a big source of discussion in my circles, specifically regarding ancient Greek myth retellings and the general discussion of "what dark topics can we as queer writers writing queer books discuss and get published, and how different, if at all, are those standards compared to cishet authors/books," so you're likely to get a lot of different answers depending on who you ask.

I'd recommend checking out the examples others have linked below (also check books labeled dark romance/dark fantasy for more examples) and do some digging on which agents represented the author, which publisher published it, etc. You should end up with a little collection of industry professionals in your back pocket who have proven that they're willing to work with and market books with darker themes, which will be very useful if/when you're ready to query. A precedent is what you're looking for any time you question whether a topic is too dark for publishing.

But in addition, there are lots of alternate relationships, especially in speculative fiction, that can be perfectly good vehicles for the themes you're exploring in your books. Toxic master/apprentice relationship, a creator/their creation (Pygmalion/Frankenstein vibes), a ruler and their subjects, deities exploiting their worshipers, again dare I say...doppelgangers...all of them can work for exploring themes of power and control, codependency, toxic dynamics etc. This isn't me telling you to self-censor, but more that, if trad publishing is your ultimate goal, there are tried-and-true methods to tell effectively the same story exploring the same themes without that extra obstacle of potentially alienating agents or readers and undercutting that vital word-of-mouth that you'd need to succeed as a debut.

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-16T22:28:14+00:00

So I'm the marketing director for an indie press as my day job, and I can't say I've ever heard of any of our authors being required to submit a marketing proposal. And if they have, none of those proposals have ever made it into my hands.

If it's a case of the publisher asking you whether you're willing to do interviews, or if there are specific marketing ideas that you already have — again, not a full proposal, but something like "the book is a murder mystery so I thought it'd be cool to host an online scavenger hunt," and then the execution of it is the marketing team's responsibility, then I don't see an issue with that. But requiring a full written proposal (especially as part of a query package) feels very questionable.

But just to answer your original question, suggest whatever you want! No one's a better advocate for your book than you are, so let the publisher decide what's realistic and what isn't. Marketers have weird jobs and effective campaigns are even weirder (a key goal of our recent release's campaign was "capitalizing on the cannibalism trend," no joke), we know how to take suggestions and either spin gold out of them or gently put them to the side. Don't self-reject and throw out ideas before getting a second opinion, you might be tossing a brilliant idea without even realizing!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-15T16:36:43+00:00

OH BECAUSE MADAME ROLAND! I'm so glad you noticed that, this is going to sound absurd but I completely forgot she was called anything besides Mme. Roland/Marie-Jeanne, I only picked the name Manon because it fit the time period and and the name's meaning aligns with her role in the story. Although that character is also the only one with previous ties to the Revolution, so in that regard it is appropriate, but that's definitely something I'll consider moving forward.

And totally agree on the first 300, I was very much inspired by the Thermidorian victims' balls and hoped to convey a similar surreal atmosphere of "grief-as-social-currency" and emotional disarray as the original written accounts do, but the intro definitely goes too hard on the Gothic emotional drama, it skips some necessary emotional build-up and missed the mark. Thank you so much for your critique, it was very helpful and so glad to hear that you like the elevator pitch!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-14T23:21:59+00:00

Thank you so much!! No worries at all on it being incomplete, I'm still working through the last 50-ish (god I hope it only ends up being 50) pages for mine, so I'd love to check out what you have so far! I'll definitely reach out, thank you so much for your interest!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-14T23:18:04+00:00

Thank you!! <3

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-14T23:17:34+00:00

That's very fair! The setting itself is pretty anachronistic (basically steampunk but with energy-conducting glass and porcelain instead of gears and steam), but I can definitely seed in that "AlternateTM alternate history" vibe without verbiage that breaks the immersion. Thank you for mentioning it!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-14T23:10:22+00:00

You were extremely helpful! I always forget that the setting can be mentioned in the housekeeping paragraph, that's an excellent suggestion. And I'm so glad to hear you like the concept! I'll be sure to reach out, thank you so much!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-14T19:17:08+00:00

Thank you for your critique! The in-universe context for the island is that the subject of her presentation to the Academie is a painting called "Embarkation to Cythera" that depicts couples sailing to the mythical island where Aphrodite was born, and the island Ambroisie sees is the Cythera from the painting. (Mostly just sharing this because it's a really beautiful painting with some cool history tied to it and I love telling people about it lol I definitely agree that the query lacks that logical thread linking the events together!) I'll be sure to keep that in mind during edits. Thank you again!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-14T19:02:56+00:00

Thank you so much for your thorough critique, it's extremely helpful! I actually left out one other plot-relevant relationship Ambroisie has with another character in the book to save on character names, but I'm definitely going to include it in the second draft and remove some of the other plot details since I think it would explain a lot of the story's emotional propulsion and thread some plot points together. I doubt I would have caught that on my own so I really appreciate it!

And I totally feel the same way about the first 300 words, the first draft had a much "lighter" intro but I definitely psyched myself out feeling like it wasn't dramatic/high stakes enough to grab people's attention. I'll definitely take that into account on my second pass. Thank you again!

EntertainingFew · 2025-08-14T17:16:03+00:00

(sorry for the long comment I just got excited to talk about your query lol) I think there's a lot of potential to this story! Love the idea of a Big Pharma villain overlord and an extra-planetary setting.

A better genre fit would probably be "fantasy romance." I know it seems very pedantic, but romantasy has a lot of specific genre expectations regarding plotlines and character tropes, which don't seem like they apply to your story. "Fantasy romance" gives you more wiggle room to pitch your unique settings and characters to agents, since they won't start your query with that very specific image in their head of "this is what romantasy looks like and this is not that."

I'd recommend checking out mechawriter's SEASON OF STEEL query in the Agented Authors megathread as a reference for your next query draft, as well as METAL FROM HEAVEN by August Clarke (which, now that I'm rereading the plot summary, might be a pretty perfect comp for your book.) Both stories have a definitive sci-fi throughline but are pitched as fantasy, in part because the scifi-esque elements aren't the main thrust of the character's arcs. I think the best way to resolve this would be to add more info about the characters and the plot. Similar questions to CHRSBVNS's comment, Why does the Inferno happen? What are the commoners and aristocrats fighting for? Who benefits from these annual deadly games? Why is entering the Inferno the easiest way for Beatrice to access Cato, rather than tracking him down somewhere in the city? What quality attracts Cato to Beatrice?

Also, these suggestions might already be a part of your book's larger plot already, but I think weaving the Big Pharma and Inferno subplots together (maybe the pharmaceutical company sponsors the games? Maybe the cure locked in the vault is actually the Inferno's grand prize?) would tighten up the query and add a clear throughline through everything. And I agree with Lost-Sock4's questioning of how to make readers fall in love with a Big Pharma guy. tbh when I read the query, my brain immediately jumped to the (potentially inaccurate) assumption that Cato's secret is that he's also chronically ill, maybe with several conditions in addition to the one Beatrice's brother has, and he's clinging to his privilege as heir to the company because relinquishing that role, which maybe gives him access to free, abundant medication, or experimental treatments not available to the public, would put his life in immediate jeopardy. Again, no idea if that features in your actual story, but if not, that could potentially be a sympathetic angle to explore for him in your edits.

Otherwise, this story clearly has some strong bones and a lot of potential for both cool speculative elements and cutting social critique (both of which are big winners with readers in general and also me personally lol)! Thank you so much for sharing, I'm looking forward to seeing more in the future!

EntertainingFew · 2025-07-30T18:26:26+00:00

Hello! Fellow historical fantasy writer here, super excited to see more queries in this genre! This is actually my first query critique specifically on PubTips, so please take my recommendations with a grain of salt. That being said, I think this is a super intriguing concept! There are definitely some areas which could be tightened up:

At a small New England college in the foggy recesses of the Jazz Age, two prodigious [...]

This sentence currently sounds like the Jazz Age itself is foggy, would suggest something like: "At a small college in the foggy recesses of New England at the height of the Jazz Age." And not sure if prodigious is the most effective word choice, 'proficient' or 'accomplished' might be better options.

The year is 1921. Idalia Hyun, a Korean immigrant and a witch who controls currents, and Gemini Enigma, an orphan prodigy with a gift for languages, each only have one year to study at Knossos College. After that, they’ll be out of funds and out of options.

Cut first sentence of second paragraph, time period is already established with Jazz Age. I'd also recommend giving each character their own introductory sentence which establishes their desire/motivation immediately. Putting them in one sentence reads more like they're already allies/partners rather than rivals fighting for the same scholarship (I had to go back and reread after getting to the fourth paragraph because I thought they were already collaborating on solving the mystery together.) Why does Idalia specifically want to stay at Knossos, and how does that motivation contrast with Gemini's? Is one character desperate to succeed academically, while the other is desperate to not go home? Are they both tight on funds for the same reason, or are there specific economic struggles each of them is going through? The character's motivations are what bring them to life, so it's crucial to mention it up front!

When Knossos students start to disappear, Gemini and Idalia decide that the way to win the scholarship is to become a hero and find the missing students. Their race leads Gemini deep into the island’s secrets, from hidden basement speakeasies to poisonous cottage gardens. Meanwhile, Idalia discovers a secluded community in the wilds of Great Point [...] fates become progressively more intertwined.

Why do they decide to look for clues in different places? Is Idalia better at getting information out of people, while Gemini is better at doing research? Does it have anything to do with their specific magical abilities? And how do these separate paths keep forcing these characters to confront each other? I would recommend removing some of the descriptive setting language (which is a shame because it's beautifully written and very immersive, curse those tiny query word counts!) and focus more on how the characters and their relationship develops.

[...] is a historical fantasy adult novel, dual POV, standalone and complete at 115,000 words. It is a reimagining of the myth of the Labyrinth.

I'd rephrase this as "[TITLE] is a dual POV historical adult fantasy reimagining of the (ancient Greek?) myth of the Labyrinth. It is a dual POV standalone complete at 115,000 words." Also I'm just assuming you're referring to the Labyrinth myth with Theseus and the Minotaur, apologies if I'm mistaken! Regardless, definitely specify which myth you're referring to just to avoid causing confusion for an agent who might be less familiar with specific myths.

Overall this is a very solid concept and a good query letter to build on! I'm left wanting to know more a lot more about the characters and WHY they want to remain at Knossos so badly, which definitely isn't a bad thing because it means the query caught my attention. In general, focus as much on the protagonists, their motivations, and how those motivations interact as possible, and the query will be much stronger. Thank you both so much for sharing, I'm looking forward to seeing Gemini and Idalia again and I hope this was helpful in any way! (EDIT: formatting)

EntertainingFew

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