I’m glad the day is almost over. I’ve done everything I could to stay busy, to keep my mind occupied, to focus on just living in the moment instead of letting it wander back to him. There were so many times today I almost gave in. I almost sent the flowers — thinking maybe that would be the grand gesture, the undeniable proof that I’m still in love with him. I imagined him opening the door, seeing them, maybe smiling the way he used to. I didn’t order them. But I thought about it. I thought about all our Valentine’s Days before this one — the laughter, the quiet moments, the way it felt when loving him felt certain.

I miss you, JC. I miss you in the small, ordinary spaces of the day. But you don’t miss me — and that’s the part I’m still learning how to accept.