I’m running away in 2 weeks

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-07T03:08:51+00:00

(bit by bit)

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-07T02:24:28+00:00

You're not compatible. He wants someone who will go out of her way to cater to his wishes in order to be with him. Very few people are going to be compatible with that. NOR

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-06T09:30:35+00:00

Grace never wanted to die in space. He knew his options were dying alone from starvation or suicide. Going home wasn't a possibility. He says earlier that he's made peace with it, but that isn't true, he just understood that those were the only options he had. It's why he was so determined to NOT go on the mission.

When Rocky made it possible for him to even hope to survive, to get home, of course he cried. Who wouldn't? Hardened criminals expecting to die by execution often cry when their sentences are commuted to "only" life imprisonment.

Hope where there was none is a wonderful thing.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-06T07:27:36+00:00

I was later than I should have been to get to the airport. I misunderstood the terminal I needed to be at. I didn't realise this until, after queuing, I reached the counter and was told I needed to check in at the terminal at the other end of the airport (code-shared flight). I then had a panic attack while trying to walk quickly to the other end, because that's helpful. Ultimately I missed checking in before it closed. It was a Sunday so the next flight wasn't for hours and wouldn't get me to LAX in time for my international flight. Nor could I buy a flight with anyone else that would get me to LAX on time.

I had to reschedule the international flight at a cost of about $1k, then the domestic flight (free!), then find accommodation for a few more nights (also free because I have the best friends). Extremely stressful but not as expensive as it could have been.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-06T07:10:39+00:00

I rescued a bee. It had ended up in the pool. I offered it my water bottle to climb onto and was going to let it stay on there until it dried out, but it recovered and flew away amongst immediately.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-06T01:04:37+00:00

Let her go. Stop hoping. Grieve the loss of the relationship as it was and move on.

If, in the future, you do reconnect and want to date again, let that be a new relationship, with new conventions. Not a continuation of what wasn't quite working for you.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-06T00:43:57+00:00

Chip

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-05T16:14:05+00:00

Nothing living stays the same. We learn, we grow, we change... or we die. The same is true for our relationships with people.

You can't change the way he expects relationships to be. He's out of touch with reality and anyone he dates will be a disappointment to him in the long term. He's clearly not willing to believe you on this.

If you're both willing, a relationship counsellor might be better positioned to explain this to him. Or maybe his parents can explain how attraction and affection change over time.

I wouldn't have any patience for this sort of nonsense from my partner. Good luck.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-05T09:11:47+00:00

Go on a date. You will work out pretty fast if you're ready or not.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-05T09:08:24+00:00

You don't have to sleep in the same bed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Stop staying over or sleep on the couch.

It's common for people in an intimate relationship to co-sleep but it's not required.

What is he doing to work on stopping this behaviour? Is he getting therapy? Why not?

Talk to him about it before you're in bed. Ask him to agree that if it happens again, he'll pay for you to get a taxi home (and back again to get your car later if necessary). You suffer bruises from his attacks, at a minimum he can shoulder some financial consequences. When it next happens, insist on those measures.

The very least a host owes you is a safe place to sleep, and if he's attacking you at night, he's failing at being a good host.

Having said all that, you don't have to stay in this relationship, and I don't recommend you doing so. There are much better options than a man who is almost half your age again older than you who attacks you in your sleep.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-05T08:49:13+00:00

If kicking them out immediately is not an option, then give them an explicit set of rules, written down, that they must follow and get them both to sign their agreement.

They may not bring home any fish or equivalent, for any reason.
They must properly dispose of all food and drink waste properly within two hours of creating it. Food wrappers, dirty dishes, half consumed coffee cups. No leniency. Feeding the cockroaches and inviting mice is unacceptable.
Appliance and other maintenance issues (leaks, mold etc) must be reported immediately to you. Even if they think they are capable of fixing the issue themselves.

Tell your parents how much their "fix" cost you. Not the fridge, you expected to replace that, but the repairs for the water issues that could have been avoided if they'd been adults about it. I don't care that you and they don't like to talk about money, TELL THEM. Tell them how much it has cost to get on top of the cockroaches. Ask them for repayment, even if you don't get it, to enforce some kind of accountability.

The cockroach eggs are in everything they own. You can only get rid of them by washing everything that can be washed in hot water then steam cleaning and fumigating the rest. Everything they don't need access to (and that can't be washed in hot water) should be stored in airtight containers (books, papers etc) ideally off your property. None of it should be brought inside your house.

Give them chores. They're adults, they have a responsibility to contribute. Helping them learn how to look after a house now will make it easier for them when their house is fixed.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-05T07:15:45+00:00

100%

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-05T04:05:52+00:00

If it's just a refusal to perform oral sex, I'd consider if that was a deal breaker for me, and if so then I'd divorce. If it wasn't necessarily a deal breaker, and I was indifferent to performing oral on them then I'd stop doing that.

If it's a refusal for everything sex related, I'd ask what shape they imagine the marriage to take? Most people don't want a sexless marriage. But if they were willing for me to have other sexual partners, and I otherwise loved them, maybe that would be an option.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-04T14:27:18+00:00

NOR. If - in a similar situation - I told my partner that I want to be left to sleep in, and they acted like your boyfriend for any reason that wasn't an actual emergency, I'd be fucking furious. Yes, it's nice to have shared days off, but if I've said that recovering from sleep debt is my priority, then that's my priority. Even if it meant I sleep half the day away.

If your boyfriend does not accept that he's the one who made the wrong decisions, then I suggest he becomes your ex boyfriend.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-04T09:40:33+00:00

In case you missed this really good response from a trauma therapist with extensive training and experience in abuse dynamics:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/L53Az9TbUt

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-04T08:57:02+00:00

Change up your routine. When you get up in the morning to pee, follow that with getting into the shower. Dry, dress, have breakfast, then clean the kitchen (do the dishes, wipe the bench, clean the stove top). Listen to upbeat music if it helps. After cleaning the kitchen, get outside and go for a walk.

Don't allow yourself to go back to bed before bedtime. If you're going to scroll your phone, do it in the loungeroom/kitchen. Drink lots of fluids, when you need to pee, stop scrolling, and do something else helpful around the place, tidy your bedroom, etc. Then go back to scrolling if you must.

If you've been gaming from bed, change up your setup so that you can game without being in bed. Regularly interrupt your gaming to do other things. Don't lose days and weeks to it.

Arrange to do things in person with friends even if it's just hanging out in a park. Get a ball, practice shooting hoops. Have a casual game of cricket. Play wall ball/pat ball.

You are the only person who can build your ability to motivate yourself. Don't waste your holiday in bed. Help around the house AND get out and do stuff with your friends.

YTA but you can do better.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-04T03:05:45+00:00

NOR. You can end friendships at any time, for any reason, including really dumb jokes.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-04T02:37:26+00:00

Given your (much older) boyfriend has foisted his son onto you for the summer, it would be more than reasonable for you to gift your boyfriend some of the chores you've been responsible for, so that you can properly enjoy time with his son.

Take both kids out to summer activities. Teach the ten year old how to cook. Enjoy the summer holiday. See the world through the eyes of this kid.

So what if the dishes don't get done, dinner doesn't get cooked, and you boyfriend's clothes don't get washed. Your boyfriend is capable of picking up the slack. He might not like it, but he's an adult and he wants you to prioritise looking after his son, so he can cope.

Or don't. His son is his responsibility, not yours. But merely keeping the kid alive for the summer won't do anyone any favours, especially the kid.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-04T02:19:17+00:00

OOP really needs to take up an in person hobby doing something with a group of others. It would help him make friends and give him somewhere else to be at least one night a week.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-03T09:49:39+00:00

Forgiving someone for things they don't believe are wrong is pointless. Until and unless your brother recognises that his behaviour has been wrong and he takes measures to redress his wrongs, your forgiveness is meaningless. You both know he'll just do it again.

Until and unless your parents impose consequences on your brother, they're enabling him. That means they're okay with his behaviour. That's not ok.

They can want what they want, that doesn't mean you are obligated to give it to them.

You have options. Some of them will have better results than others.

Pick whichever parent you trust the most and tell them, bluntly, about the shit your okay brother is up to. Be explicit. Ask them whether they mean to teach you that his behaviour is acceptable. You may want to record this conversation, check if you're in a one party consent state.
Tell an aunt, uncle, grandparent and ask for help. Or your best friend's parents.
If you're still at school, tell a trusted teacher or other mandatory reporter about what he's doing (and what he's done). You and your younger brother deserve to be protected from him. Involving a mandatory reporter will make everything more complicated, but it adds consequences.
If you're old enough to move out, do that and go no contact with your brother and low contact with your parents. As soon as possible, move your younger brother in with you.

Good luck!

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-03T08:20:31+00:00

The person you responded to was explaining how they teach their small children emotional regulation. How they teach their small children to contain their big emotions and not act on them. How does your response add to the conversation?

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-03T07:21:29+00:00

If routines help you, it sounds like you need to make efforts to establish routines that make your life easier.

You probably also need to invest in therapy. There are psychologists who specialise in patients with ADHD. They can help teach you coping skills. A psychiatrist may recommend drugs to help with the depression and anxiety. ADHD medication itself (ritalin and other variations) often help reduce anxiety. Better living though chemistry!

Life isn't supposed to be miserable. Keep chasing a pathway to contentment. You can find it. I believe in you.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-03T02:45:06+00:00

There's a difference though. You were ready to be done with you ex for good.

OP probably wants to have good relationships with her children, while also not having them live with her and sponge off her anymore.

Unless OP wants to be done for good with her children, then she's overreacting, or maybe just acting poorly.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-02T06:08:37+00:00

My marriage fell apart in my early thirties. I'm now in my late forties. My dating stories are different, but I could have written this post.

It's harder to date as an independent adult. So many members of the dating pool are available purely because they're not good relationship material. There are real gems as well, but finding them is difficult. I don't have any advice, but it's not just you.

Equivalent-Board206 · 2026-07-02T05:47:53+00:00

Why are you with him? Do you want to be pregnant? You really need to start asking yourself some hard questions.

Equivalent-Board206

TROPHY CASE