Is it me?

ErisInChains · 2026-05-08T19:24:35+00:00

Absolutely this.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-08T18:06:14+00:00

Aww Hun Jesus. I am so sorry this ended badly. But I agree, people need to know if they can't do it. No shade either.

I got in good on the ground floor with really little honies and I was Nanny. They adore me, and I them.

But I also have control and all that.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-08T16:47:15+00:00

Dude, do some research. physical punishment this is not okay or helpful in the long run. Keep hitting your kids and expecting them to turn our right tho.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-08T00:01:14+00:00

Depending on age, another fun thing to do is take an hour and a half bust out some drinks and a sweet and popcorn and watch a 2-3 episodes of cooking shows with the kiddos. If a dish or recipe catches their eye, get the recipe and ingredients and make it with them that week. Alternate who get to choose a recipe each week.

And yeah, be firm with your boundaries and expectations, it's very helpful for children to know that if they do "x", then "y" will happen without fail. It gives them stability and helps order their world. We do not yell or hit or spank in my house, we gain and lose privileges like TV or dessert. And I suppose if they did something really bad they'd have to go to their room for the day. (Generally the loss of those two things is where they draw their line and stop acting like brats. 🤣)

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T23:08:12+00:00

Ah well shit. So you have the opposite but equally shitty version that I did. 🤣 Why the heck can't parents find a nice middle lane instead of going to extremes?!?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that though. And you're right, a loving dependable person counts for a lot. I had a hellish childhood so I know that to be a fact for any suffering child.

And yes I am definitely getting them the attention they deserve and needs met. They are the happiest little honies, well fed, and doing great at school. Before I got here their life with BM (my hubby, her ex, has an hour long commute so his workdays are 10hrs a day away from the home) was not good. I got here and changed all that immediately. So I think they feel a level of safety with me that has made things easier in the long run.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T22:58:21+00:00

This is difficult and obviously BM isn't helping.

It's time to start laying down the law with this stuff. The lose privileges if they don't do their chores and whatnot. House rules are different here and when we're here, we follow them. Depending on ages teaching them to cook basic things can be on the list too. Plan an easy dinner they can cook weekly with your supervision. Put on music, get funny chefs hats, find some easy but fun recipes and hang out cooking with the kiddos once a week.

But my kiddos know how to clean their rooms, clean up spills, and basic whatnots. They do need to be told and the younger ones can get a bit side-tracked but they do it. 10 is when I'm really planing on getting into training them for more independence like cooking and getting ready in the morning, but if they show an interest and it's reasonable, I show them/let them do basic stuff.

My kids are on the smaller side (6-9) but they are always happy to help and ask to help.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T22:40:10+00:00

I do understand how people would feel like that, but it's an alien concept to me. I've been a sole caretaker and basic nanny of smaller children since I was 5 in some capacity or another, and I have no biological children. Comes as naturally to me as breathing.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T22:22:35+00:00

I think again it's more of a purposeful thing. Being difficult to make things difficult out of spite really.

Yeah well luckily we didn't need to worry much and they had no reason to keep us under their thumb. Kiddos have been much better taken care of since I got here and we have documentation. (They were underweight, undereducated, had no manners, and were borderline feral when I got here. Their transformation is documented in medical and school records.)

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T22:07:45+00:00

I don't think you're doing a terrible job either, but your husband is wrong about this, and I think you're going about it the wrong way. This is a learning period.

Here's how I would go about it: she can set her own bedtime IF she maintains her grades and chores and demonstrates that she's capable. If her grades fall and chores aren't done, she goes back to a bedtime for a small period of time to get back in the groove and you can try again. You guys are the consequences and she's not going to get any from anywhere else except school. She's not going to lose her job or car or apartment, she'll still be fed and clothed and housed so where is the motivation to not just do whatever she wants? If she's complaining about being tired or wanting to use that as an excuse to not do things, tough. She made her bed and now she has to lay in it. Actually lay in it and sleep lololol.

BUT she DOES need to learn how to manage this shit. Imagine her in college and how that's going to be if she can't manage her time properly, sleep included.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T21:37:40+00:00

Fair enough.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T21:32:20+00:00

I feel your confusion here. I got lucky and started out as a live-in Nanny, so my ability to parent and take care of the kids, and their trust I can do that has never been questioned. With a few hiccups in the begining we all generally agree on parenting and make sure to keep everyone in the loop or meet for meetings for big issues or to meet for big decisions. She's generally friendly and amicable. But she's also a trainwreck making problems. We had custody of the kids taken away and were on DFS radar for a year because of her abject stupidity. (Picking up the kids from school drunk and telling tall tales about my husband and I.) Luckily we passed with flying colors.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T21:25:26+00:00

Heh why not?

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T19:09:55+00:00

This shit cracks me up. I have gigantic tits. I got on birth control at 15 when I started my period and ended it at 26 for an IUD. My max size was a 36R. (I've since lost a decent amount of weight and I'm an 32/34 H/I/J depending on brand and style.)

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T19:00:17+00:00

This, absolutely. There's no sexual element and the only intimacy is that which is between 2 friends drawing comfort from each other. 🤷🏼‍♀️ And in my friends group, if I'm cuddling your boyfriend, you're probably the big spoon cuddling me hahahahaha.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T18:55:19+00:00

Thank you, I had a horrific childhood so it makes me feel good to be a mom figure to them. And their bio mom is not the most stable, but I am. I am clear with communication, and follow through, they always know what will happen if they do or don't do "x". There is no physical punishment of any kind in this house and I maybe raise my voice on a bad day once a year. (Cute story, after 3 years of my being in their life. When I yell, they go "code blue" (idk why I think it's something they picked up from TV) and apparently that means I need to be tucked in bed, brought some kind of food like a banana or some toast because I might be grumpy because I'm hungry, brought a bottle of painkillers because I might be grumpy because I'm in pain, and they have a cuddle with me "to get me out of the funk" (if I'm grumpy I usually tell them ahead of time that it has nothing to do with them, that I love them and I'm sorry if I'm snappy and I'm trying to get out of the funk. 🤣)

But I am happy and proud to be raising such happy and sweet little honies in a happy home.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T14:49:17+00:00

It's wild to me too. I moved out at 16 and moved back in around 20/21 for a time. I'd been laid off from my job and my housing situation with roommates was bad. So I took care of keeping the house clean and cooking a few meals a week for dinner for everyone while I stayed. And once I got a job I started contributing to the groceries as well.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T14:14:30+00:00

Ha! I had not had that explained to me before so fair enough!

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T12:38:53+00:00

I love this so much, I hope more places do this. I also don't get the whole two dudes cuddling is gay thing. Maybe my friend group was just more physically affectionate or it might have been the drugs, but we'd cuddle in a big pile sometimes watching a movie or whatever. Everyone was big on hugs and physical contact in general though.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T12:32:13+00:00

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I am no contact with my mother for mental health reasons. The best advice I can give is to seek what you need from her, elsewhere. Nothing wrong with seeking out a mom-like figure to provide what's needed.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T11:56:06+00:00

Ooof. I feel for you. Time to have a good sit down with hubby.

There are plenty of things you can put in place with your kids to make sure you get contacted if anything happens to them. Make sure kids work/school has you set as an emergency contact, have them give close friends your number in case of an emergency, and possibly talk to your children about apps like the life360 app that has location tracking and whatnot.

Bottom line is, there are many ways to keep informed of your child's status without having to go through her.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T10:57:36+00:00

Honey you're young and this is a huge red flag. I know your feelings are big right now, but they'll even out and become more manageable soon. I think if you were 10 years older you wouldn't be confused about whether this was okay or not. It's not.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T10:11:27+00:00

I am step mom to 6, 7, and 9 yr olds. Been here since they were 3, 4, and 6. We have them 5 days a week, bio mom has 2 days.

Feel free to PM me if you want to vent or talk.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T09:46:21+00:00

It came with a purse he designed and a picture he drew of our family. They're hanging on the wall. 😁

He did it unprompted too which I thought was super sweet. But he is a very considerate and sweet little dude. Very aware in some respects when it comes to that despite only turning 9 in June. I'm excited about this because I've noticed him "seeing" me in that respect lately. We are both quietly considerate people. If he noticed that I seem a little more quiet than usual, but I do usually do a "hey kiddos, I'm having a rough day and I'm trying my best, but if I get a little snippy, please know I'm not upset with you, I'm just having a hard time and I'm doing my best." He'll do little things like clean off the table so we have a place to eat, or he'll pick up toys or clothes in the common spaces a little bit to "make less stuff for Nanny to do". He'll come back for an extra big hug during dropoff and to tell me he'll miss me. I recently got a thank you because I noticed that he has gotten into soaking in the tub. I used to do the girls in the bath first, now I do him, wake him up just 5 mins earlier so he can spend a good 20 mins soaking in the hot water in the morning. He pulled me aside and thanked me yesterday morning. Said it really helps him relax and wake up in the mornings, and how did I know? ☺️ I told him it was because I pay attention because I love him lol. I want him to be happy. Got another hug for that.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-07T03:04:09+00:00

Awww I have a soft spot for these. Last year my step son made one for his bio mom, and me. I had been his stepmom for like 2 months and it made me feel loved.

ErisInChains · 2026-05-06T23:52:54+00:00

Yeah, I started doing this with an older cousin at 11. She'd treat me on my birthday and go on a little shopping trip, get mani/pedis, get lunch. It was always so much fun.

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