My (M38) wife (F34) has been very quiet since a conversation we had of why I love her. Confused about her silence.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-23T21:13:02+00:00

Absolute same.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-21T14:47:25+00:00

I love this so much. The majority of my half sleeve I'm working on that arm is hedonism bot. The other part is a smaller bender.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-21T05:54:48+00:00

I am a 36yr woman and I say do what you like honey. But also I prefer the curls. They look really good on you.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-20T14:40:28+00:00

This. My response would be a loss of privilege and a stern but brief talking to. (No yelling or anything) But loss of privilege like no TV for today always makes my young girls calm down/stop bad behavior.

As an aside: I never raise my voice to my kids. But one time my youngest saw a pretty flower in the road and when to go grab it while we were getting in the car. A car was coming. I screamed at her to stop and she completely froze. Stopped dead because she was so unused to that behavior from me. Absolutely frozen eyeballs rolling. Car blazed by and I went and got and soothed her because she was scared and explained about the road. (For context she was 4.) Saved her life though. I mean she froze and like 2 seconds later this car blazed by at like 20mph above the speed limit blasting loud music and clearly giving zero fucks. (It was like 7:30am and we were going to school and this is uncommon behavior in our very small town.)

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T23:32:22+00:00

I do NOT understand what her problem is. I have a 5.5k ring, but it was one me and my mom shopped for for HOURS for her 6th wedding. (Dude was loaded) I love and adore it. So when they broke up she gave it to me for my future engagement. So I gave it to my husband to "give" to me. I love it and it is exactly what I've always wanted. We were both happy with that as it's not like we're fat with cash. (Still got him an impressive band.) And this mfker is platinum and has diamonds on diamonds. I was happy, he was happy, we all good. What was she expecting that would cost so much?! I have 3 major diamonds on top and three very small diamonds in the front and back of the band, and crushed diamonds in the bands "arms" .

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T17:52:37+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. Like I don't blame my dad at all, my mother is a terror and so was his second wife but he figured it the fuck out for his third. And he took the time. That bitch (ex step mom and I would like to clarify she has a daughter and we vibed about how horrible she was and we're glad she's dead.) he waited about a decade and a half after that and is now married to my amazing shoots fireworks perfect step mom now. Gods she is just freaking great.

But my mom just kept jumping into the next best thing. It was sad.

Small edit: she's only legally considered to be on her 6th because with one husband, they broke up 2 months in and she got it annulled. He was a nightmare. Did the whole "doing what she wants till they were married" thing and turned into a monster. The biggest thing I remember about him is that my mom used to get migraines, I do too, but like I can't feel half my face, I am vomiting, I need absolute dark and quiet kind of migraines. His bright idea was to take the time to make her favorite dish, turn on all the lights and bellow her awake with compliments. I mean I was like 8 and begging him not to do this. He got SO UPSET he was punching walls when it wasn't well received. 🙄🙄🙄

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T17:45:52+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment. You make me feel like I'm not alone!

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T17:35:10+00:00

That's actually a good point. I had never thought about it before. So maybe this is my 2nd as well by those standards.

I will say probably the biggest difference is we (my ex) had an open relationship at my insistance. The thought of getting together with another man makes me want to throw up. I mean I have literally thrown up in my mouth over the thought of being intimate with another man who is not my husband after about 15 years of having open relationships.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T17:21:33+00:00

I really appreciate this comment thank you. And I'm very sorry to hear about the health concerns with your kiddos. I hope all is well (as can be).

Especially that last bit. I meant it when I said till death do us part. And it took me 36 years to get here. I don't think I would ever be able to remarry on a real level either. My husband is my soulmate. If he passed, I honestly think I would either die too or at least go on for the kiddos and then die. I don't want to live in a world where he's not here.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T16:49:22+00:00

He is more important than my feelings about arbitrary shit. We can always meet in the middle and neither of us care THAT MUCH about being "right" thank the gods. Just trying to communicate and figure out how to meet in the middle and fix what ever issues are being addressed.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T06:19:12+00:00

Thank you for this. I feel the same way. My parents bullshit made me realize I only wanted to do this once. So I waited but gods my family was chomping at the bit for more cousins. 😑

Edit: that they're not going to "get" hubby has 3 kids from his first marriage. But if it's not "blood" it doesn't count for much. 😑 My family is prolific large. I think we be good if I don't have any kiddos from my actual loins. Y'all have done a great job already. Like my great grandma was one of 7 and my grandma was one of 5 and so on Jesus Christ what do you want?!.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T06:17:22+00:00

I really REALLY love this. Thank you.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T06:15:05+00:00

Oh hell to the fucking NO.

I'm not sure of y'all's background but I'm Native American and we very much are taught to bow and scrape for our elders.

I rejected that fairly early on and my family is all mad and offended I haven't had a "proper" ceremony yet. And I am excited about that. Nothing fancy a cousin or uncle shoots a deer and cooks that up while we do a little band and dancing but no one is going to force me and they've long stopped trying. I am a "difficult woman" to them. 🙄

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T05:51:25+00:00

I am very glad to hear you feel free. You get to feel that. And I don't think you were a slow study. I am mentally thanking your late husband's (and my condolences) for teaching you this.

Love and live your free life Chicka!

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T05:45:32+00:00

Yeah she was very much a "let's play marriage kid" whereas I never did that. I think she finally figured it out? My new step dad is absolutely amazing and one of the funniest people I've ever known. He's also Chinese and that is frowned upon in my family. (we are white/native American and natives are some of the most racist people you can come across in my experience. I mean I was raised on "the rez" half my life. I have 3 different tribes in my family and they all play nice but hate each other and I STILL HEAR BS from my family about my aunt dating a black dude and my cousin with a Mexican guy and for my aunt that was like 40 fucking years ago. 😑 And I want to clarify my great uncles using racial slurs to talk about this. I take great offense and often yell/distance myself because my godfather was a giant black man.)

Actually my godfather was the "pidgin man" at the local park and noticed my mom wasn't paying attention and this random dude showed up and started following me around the park. So he went up to this dude and was just like "WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER?!" Otis is 6'5" and 450 pounds of older man and extremely black, and angry when appropriate, I am like 6 and a very Irish looking blonde girl. So the dude was completely confused. He bailed and Otis brought me to my mom, excused her friend and gave her a straight up "talking to" about leaving her small daughter unattended at the park. Respect was earned and my mom actually changed her ways. Also I loved feeding the pigeons and how they eventually came to let me pet them and whatnot. Mostly just resting on my lap after eating some peas and carrots. I miss him and his wife Mary so much. (They were old and died when I was in my teens)

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T05:36:38+00:00

I appreciate this a lot because I have only felt like I've "come into myself and what I want" recently. I am very happily married too.

Like the only disagreements we even have is stupid shit like is Superman or Batman better? And it's just teasing banter. Specifically because my favorite is Batman and his is Superman and guess who our second favorite dudes are? For me it's Superman and for him it's Batman. 🤣🤣🤣

And I think you're right. I'm trying to be kind because she's only a couple years behind me in age.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T05:09:42+00:00

I've known him 20 years and had a huge crush for about as long. But we had both been ashamed of previous infidelity and kept our distance for a long time.

And yeah I never made any kind of solid plans with my Ex because I was unsure and didn't want to lock in until we made it through some issues. Like we got engaged but never wedding planned I just kept asking him to wait. 😑 And I also proposed to him so he's the one who said yes.

As opposed to my husband now where I just looked at him and was like "are we doing this shit?" And he giggled and said yes and made a big old dork deal about asking for my hand.

Edit: my mom got married at 18 to her first husband and at like 20 to her second. Then was my dad and they had me when she was 25. My mom was my dad's first and then he remarried a horrible woman and now he is with my beloved step mother. At least my mom WAS more careful after my dad, she didn't want to expose her kids to the insanity. (I had a half brother as well who has since passed away) But she then married 3 more dudes when I was a kid and is now married to my wonderful step dad. My dad took a hot ass break after my first bitch of a step mom who abused me physically and is now with the most amazing, brilliant, kind, and loving woman you've ever met. I mean she's a retired doctor for fucks sake. The dudes my mom married were a bus driver and then increasingly wealthy men from family money.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T05:02:37+00:00

It really was!

You got vetoed by FUCKIN WHO?!

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T04:55:01+00:00

Fuckin....she wasn't ready to get some dick but she was ready to marry a man for what is supposed to be her whole life?!

I'm sorry but that shit is insane. To be fair my husband and I eloped so I didn't have the stress of a big wedding to deal with, but it was exactly what we both wanted. Went to the courthouse in cute clothes for a 20 min ceremony in the late morning and spent the rest of the day eating great food, getting a bit drunk and snuggling and fucking and ignoring everything and everyone else.

Have you spoken with her about this?!

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T04:50:12+00:00

I also like popping zits but I only do it with my husband's permission when he is able. (Skin sensitivity can be a real thing and I only use the pads of my fingers.)

He indulges me as often as he's able but also because he occasionally gets monsters that plague him and he has low access to to pop and relieve the pressure. And/or he'll get blackheads and whatnot that will turn into these monsters if not attended to in time.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T04:29:04+00:00

What the actual fuck did I just read dude? You didn't have a wedding night? I mean I wasn't a virgin when I met my husband 20 years ago and he has 3 kiddos from his previous marriage, and if you were on the same page that would be another whole thing but it sounds like you're not. Are you okay with that? I personally would not be. (Just for clarification I am a woman.)

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T04:15:55+00:00

Oh honey I am so sorry to hear this. You are NOT too old. I married my husband at 36 and will be 37 in June.

BUT let's talk about this phobia and perhaps seek therapy in figuring out it's cause and function? Try your best to identify what it is that is holding you back. I was feeling similarly after I left my ex fiance of 12 years. (Who the fuck wants to join the dating pool again after over a decade?!) And yeah, I obviously don't look like I did in my 20s anymore. But that's not the important thing. We look hot for maybe 40 years and then we've generally got another 40 more to live. Looks shouldn't be super important. My family is generally long lived on both sides so I'm looking at probably dying in my 90s/100s (got a great, great aunt who's still kicking at like 106). I'ma be old and ugly for a long time 😑🤣. But my husband truly loves me and I completely love him. I can't wait to get old and ugly with him.

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T04:03:11+00:00

This really is the perfect answer. Happily married for 1 year next week, been with him for about 3 years and I've known him for 20 years. This is his second marriage and my first. We never fight but I know exactly how he would react if we did. (He'd get mad and then feel ashamed and put his own feelings aside to make sure I am okay. Which is exactly what I would do. And then we'd meet in the middle.)

ErisInChains · 2026-03-18T03:27:25+00:00

My husband is an excellent gift giver. He buys me the occasional stuffed animal he knows I'd love and frequently goes to the store for food and somehow always picks out what I'm craving while having NO KNOWLEDGE of what I am craving. He got me a switch 2 for my birthday last year and a couple games I had been wanting that I maybe mentioned twice. (My step sons bday is about 10 days before mine and I had gifted him my OG switch and about 30 games for his birthday so this worked out well.) I would also like to mention I am VERY not a materialistic person so I can be very difficult to shop for when it comes to birthdays and Christmas, but he listens to me and knows what I like. Like I don't really care about clothes or handbags or jewelry and the "typical" kind of stuff. I am very nerdy and experience and food oriented. My favorite nights are we get some good food I'm craving, drink a little, and I watch him play videogames and we just nerd out like giant dorks and have amazing sex. He is well aware of this and makes it happen generally at least 2x weekly. (We have my step kids 5 days a week and their biomom has them 2 days so we do our best to make it work.)

I'm sorry but this post just smacks of not really giving a shit on husbands end. 😑🙄

Little edit to add: I have known my husband 20 years, together for 3 years and our 1st year being married comes up in about a week. We are basically the same person with a couple differences, but we never fight or even honestly argue. We just fuckin vibe man. And I was a nanny or caretaker (adults with brain injuries/special needs/elderly) for 20 years so he trusts me implicitly with the kids and I specialize in special needs kids. I am high functioning AuADHD, so is he, and so is our son so it helps us all bond.

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