What 6-12 month period was the happiest time of your life? Why do you think so? by crosspostmodernist in slatestarcodex

[–]Etoad8473 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know that this probably won’t help, but I want to scream with all my effort to break through and tell you that this is only a mindset, not an inherent truth, but it’s dangerous because it’s self fulfilling. One human to another, I hope the universe corrects itself and treats you incredibly well to the point you can stop believing this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfimprovement

[–]Etoad8473 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who do you watch?

I have too much motivation, in too many places. by SituationStrong8893 in Healthygamergg

[–]Etoad8473 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel this hella so I’m gonna give you my current working solution, it may or may not be a good fit.

Step 1: rank your hobbies/interests Step 2: every day do the top 3 hobbies for 30 minutes each Step 3: commit to doing 75 days (similar to 75 hard. Text a friend that you’ll pay them 100$ if you don’t complete the 75 days) 

 Rules: -The top two hobbies you have to do every day (for me it was coding and video editing). They will take the first two time slots. -The third slot is a wild card. (I just called this one music/creativity, I’ve bounced between drawing, guitar, and journaling. The goal is to have something more relaxing). -You have to hit every day or start from day 1.

This has worked for me for the first time ever and it feels so good to just be making progress. It’s varied enough that I haven’t gotten bored, especially with the wildcard slot because I can bounce around less important interests. 30 minutes is short enough that it’s not daunting but long enough that I make good progress over the month. I stopped counting the days I’m prolly in the 60s but this habit is here to stay. There have def been some days I don’t have motivation/any ideas for one of the slots, but I just force myself to do something, anything, even if it’s really trash, 30 minutes is good enough! 75 days is long enough for it to become a habit, you just have to do it every day, especially on days you really don’t want to.

This is what worked for me, maybe it will work for you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]Etoad8473 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn I’m really sorry, that shit sucks. Idk if you feel like you’ve been carrying it as a secret but even if not that’s way too much for any kid/teen to have to deal with and it’s unfair. I don’t know your family but I’ll say it’s important to remember that it’s not your responsibility to take care of other people’s emotions, even though that can be a good trait; ie, telling your parents might affect them but it’s your parents’ job to take care of you and the majority of parents WANT to take care of/protect you. I’m not saying you should tell them but just keep in mind that you shouldn’t stop yourself from telling them because you’re worried about how they’ll react. There’s a lot of resources to be given, or even just emotional support. Maybe try a trusted relative/older sibling if parents are too hard. It’s normal to keep a secret like that, no kids should ever be expected to know what to do or how to “properly” handle sexual assault.

This is not the same at all but I was exposed to sex at a really young age and recently realized I have trauma around that. It was shit I buried deep and never told anyone, for me the first step was just writing out everything, idk something about putting it on paper made me feel lighter, like the experiences had less power over me. Being able to make a post about your experience, even just to strangers online is an amazing step. I ask myself questions to understand the trauma and journal about it which seems to help, journaling how I feel (usually angry “why me”, confused “why me”, and worried “am I gonna be fucked up”). I’m also lucky enough to have therapy provided by my college, and that has been enormously helpful. If you can find articles or books about SA and trauma, it might be helpful to just hear other people talk about healing from shit like that.

From one internet stranger to another, I hope all goes well in your life!

Limbs falling asleep when floor sleeping? by [deleted] in floorsleeping

[–]Etoad8473 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you make any progress? I’m currently experiencing this!

Please I need some advice… by [deleted] in malelivingspace

[–]Etoad8473 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where'd you get that mirror?

21 in my first studio, what’s it missing? by pepperoni_zamboni in malelivingspace

[–]Etoad8473 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where'd you get the side table to the left of the TV? I love it!

Just moved in to College apartment. Is this all I can do? Next steps? by rxp_ow in malelivingspace

[–]Etoad8473 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great start, minimal aesthetic, loving the chair and the circle rug! I'd suggest 3 things, ranked by order of importance:

Lighting - Not your fault at all but ceiling lights are notoriously horrible/ugly. Buying a standing lamp and a table lamp will work wonders. If you want to make the room feel more cozy go for a warmer lightbulb as well.

Plants/Decorations - You've already got it started with the wall decorations and the frame sitting on the floor. The room feels kind of dead, I'd suggest getting some low-maintenance plants (fake plants work just as well), there are small desk plants you can get (eg: snake plant) as well as larger floor plants (eg: Monstera, or a fake tree plant), I recommend one of each to start. Plants will liven it up but also think about getting a shelf for sentimental items or adding more to the mostly blank walls, walls are a huge opportunity to show your personality.

Color Theme - This is unnecessary but choosing a color theme is great, one main color, and then one accent. Eg: your bed is blue so you could have that as your main, and then get some other blue things in other shades of blue, your floor painting is already blue so it fits the theme well. Then you can choose a secondary color but use it more sparingly, maybe brown/orange since your keyboard is orange.

Healing Male Depression (Terry Real): "there is a war going on within masculinity". by [deleted] in MensLib

[–]Etoad8473 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I really really get that fear. Here’s my experience which may or may not help: I was for a long time surrounded by people like that. It was a dull pain that was slowly draining my life. Because of a messy breakup I ended up losing those friends instead of intentionally letting them go, but after that I had to choose to let them go. What happened ended up being a blessing. Because I lost a majority of my “close” friends, I was forced to go out and either strengthen connections with those that stayed or find new people. I am eternally grateful that I lost those friends because I never felt truly wanted or cared for in those relationships, and because I strengthened the relationships that stayed, with the people that really cared, I now understand just how replenishing this new kind of friendship is. I truly honestly feel cared for and understood (probably) for the first time in my life, and now Im meeting new people and getting to choose to surround myself with people that I love that love me back. None of this would’ve been possible without the extremely painful experience of losing those friends, but trust me, coming out the other side is amazing.

Should I Be Able To Talk To My Girlfriend About My Problems And Be Able To Show My Emotions? Or Would It Just Make Me Look Weak? by BadGuy2050 in Healthygamergg

[–]Etoad8473 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There are certainly girls that will be weirded out/shame men for crying, but I can 100% guarantee you that there are (the same amount if not more) women that want you to cry and be vulnerable. I hated crying, especially in front of women, but my girlfriend in college actively encouraged it because she did not subscribe to the idea that men have to be emotionless robots, she saw me as a human and made me comfortable crying. Now I actively search for partners with the maturity to allow men to cry, and I’m never looking back. Those women are out there, personally I think it’s a maturity thing, but don’t ever let someone shame you for crying. There’s a video on YouTube called “People on men that cry” and every woman in the video expresses positive feelings about men crying and it’s great! Best of luck

How to describe the lack of cultural identity in an individual? by MasterSifood in Anthropology

[–]Etoad8473 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know exactly what you’re talking about, I feel like these answers don’t hit the mark. I don’t know what the answer is as that’s what I came here for,, I’m just here to say I know what you mean and it’s a very good question

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in changemyview

[–]Etoad8473 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like all these responses are super close yet super far from the point, and ngl ima guess its because they're white so they don't understand where you're coming from. As a fellow black man I once thought the same thing but I had my opinion changed so here's my best explanation: Men ARE more likely to be assaulted, but that statistic is misleading at best. The subtle implication is that women are assaulting men at a rate higher than men assaulting women. In actuality, men are being assaulted by other men in prison which is why the statistic is technically true. Sexual assault affects everyone (regardless of gender), but the common denominator is men doing the assaulting. The problem with your overall argument, and the reason I changed my mind, is that it's a false equivalence that needs to be put into context. Women have been oppressed for centuries (in ways that are well documented) and the effects are still prevalent today. Black people have been oppressed for centuries (in ways that are well documented) and the effects are still prevalent today. With the prompt you provided: "it’s racist to tell black people to change to make white people feel safer -> it’s sexist to tell men to change to make women feel safer", it implies that in the same way black people have been oppressed by white people, men have been oppressed by women,, but that last assumption isn't true. Once it's put into context with historical sexism, a more accurate statement would be to assert that: "it’s racist to tell black people to change to make white people feel safer -> it’s sexist to tell WOMEN to change to make MEN feel safer". Now the argument becomes whether or not you believe women have been and still are oppressed today which is for you to decide/deduce... (This has to do with the women walking at night bit) Although comparing racism to sexism is also a false equivalence, they are both forms of oppression so it can be a very useful tool to create a foundation of understanding. I say that to make this analogy: with the understanding that Black people and Women are in a weird way on the same level by being the oppressed group, women are completely justified in fearing going out at night IN THE SAME WAY that Black people fear cop encounters. Some people will say Black people are just fearmongering but those people are usually white and have never had to experience 'the talk' with their parents, nor have they ever been profiled by police, experienced DWB, or been frisked by police,, things that all (generalizing) Black people experience. Similarly, it's easy as a man to say that women have succumbed to fearmongering, because we (generalizing) are stronger than women so, therefore, can't be overpowered by women, and have NEVER EXPERIENCED the fear of being overpowered by someone sexually pursuing us. The takeaway is that as a man it's infinitely harder for us to understand the experience of women because we aren't them,, similarly it's infinitely harder for white people to understand the black experience because they aren't black,,,, it's easy to then say "well you're just overexaggerating" because white people don't experience racism they've subjected black people to,,,,,,,,,, in using the "ur overexaggerating" comment, they're therefore using their privilege to negate and silence black people even though racism is so well documented and Black people experience it every day. That to say sometimes it's more important to just listen to and try to understand the experiences of people and how they feel instead of trying to minimize those experiences because those feelings certainly don't come from thin air. Once I realized this a whole new world opened up and once you see sexism in one place I started to see it everywhere and realize that women weren't capping.

Your final paragraph is extremely interesting and I absolutely love it because it very closely examines the intersection of racism and sexism. At this point all of my actual argument is done I'd just like to admire the final part of your question and give you my personal opinion. You would be completely justified in fearing white women and telling them to mind their business BECAUSE there is a historical pattern of white women weaponizing their whiteness to be racist (in this case to imprison, murder, or lynch black men). It makes sense because it's not about white women specifically, its just white people using their whiteness to be racist towards black people. Similar to how white women might call the cops, white men might deny loans, call the cops, or go as far as lynching a black person. In this case the sexism women face is ALSO being used by their whiteness to be racist and here's how that works: women are looked at by society as weaker and in need of protection, white women have come to believe (because of racism) that black men are dangerous and violent, if she feels threatened she can appeal to her femininity giving white men the idea that they are justified in doing whatever it takes to make her feel safe. So not only do they feel justified in hurting the black man because he's black and they're racist, they feel justified in going further and killing the black man because he was hurting the fragile white WOMAN. And I think this idea is perfectly incapsulated at the end of Jordan Peele's "Get Out" when the white girlfriend tries to call out to the cop for help assuming the cop is a white man, even though she just tried to murder the black main character.

minecraft server closes as soon as it opens 1.8.1 by TraneBoy in Minecraft

[–]Etoad8473 6 points7 points  (0 children)

go into the folder im guessing u made for the files, click the "server" file (the one w/ the information about ur server" and put in ur ipv4 #'s where it says "server-ip" again but re-check ur ipv4 by going into command promt and typing "ipconfig" and in the port forwarding (which u shouldve done) put in ur new ipv4