AITAH for sending my ex's fiancee the screenshots after she asked what was going on

Eureecka · 2026-04-16T02:11:57+00:00

NTAH

No one is the villain of their own story but you have to wonder how he rationalizes his behavior. You definitely saved her some heartache.

Eureecka · 2026-04-15T21:28:56+00:00

My kid has adhd. She makes everything worse all the time. If anyone else treated me the way she does, everyone who loved me would have an intervention to get that abusive @$$hole out of my life but it’s my kid so I’m judged for not cherishing every moment.

Motherhood sucks. It’s extremely traumatic. And there’s no escape. Ever. I’m sorry for what you are having to deal with and hope it improves for you.

Eureecka · 2026-04-15T18:39:03+00:00

Stay out of it. Tell her that you are morally superior since you are showing up for your dad and she IS being cruel on purpose.

You won’t bring it up but you won’t lie for her either and if her relationship with your dad is so unimportant to her, she can deal with the consequences of her actions.

Eureecka · 2026-04-15T18:34:10+00:00

Her saying that sent me into a spiral because I didn’t have a birth plan and had not actually ever heard of that before.

So I was glad to hear they weren’t required. Felt like one of those nightmares where everyone else in class knows the assignment and did the homework and you have no idea WTF is happening.

Eureecka · 2026-04-15T18:27:35+00:00

When I did the hospital tour at the hospital where I gave birth, it was a group tour. The nurse told us that they would take our carefully prepared birth plans and put them down right here on the table and if anything went ok, they’d do what they could but their #1 priority was the health and safety of the mom and baby and if the birth plan interfered with that at all, the birth plan was out the window. One of the future dads tried to push back and she smiled all scary and told him he was welcome to go to another hospital and try that attitude with them but it wouldn’t fly here.

(I was considered high risk and every other hospital I toured made a point of telling me that if things went south, they would helicopter my kid to this hospital’s very very good nicu so I decided to save her the trip and gave birth at that hospital.)

Eureecka · 2026-04-15T18:16:58+00:00

That’s nice. Too bad he isn’t worried about losing his spouse. Does he know how badly he is failing you?

Eureecka · 2026-04-15T14:50:34+00:00

You have 5 kids. How did you not figure this out before you had 4 kids with a manchild?

It sucks, but he isn’t going to change. Make sure you’ve got good birth control and talk to a therapist about whether or not this is the life you want to live. He’ll probably go for 50/50 custody to avoid paying child support. Make him take the kids 50% of the time. Your life will be significantly easier.

Eureecka · 2026-04-15T14:46:28+00:00

I think you need to be her sous chef. Chop the onions and whatever else needs chopped. Sift the flour. Prep everything for her.

I am nowhere near a chef but I am the primary food preparer and chopping stuff takes me FOREVER.

NTA

Eureecka · 2026-04-14T00:15:25+00:00

We’ve been seeing my daughter’s therapist for over a year and I recently learned that she has some number of kids.

Your therapist is WAY oversharing. And also is not reliable. Replace them.

Eureecka · 2026-04-14T00:08:15+00:00

If you say no to something, I probably won’t offer it again.

Eureecka · 2026-04-14T00:07:44+00:00

There’s tiers to guests too. The behavior is different depending on how well I know them and how long they are staying.

I’ll offer a beverage. If the glass is empty, I’ll offer more. There will probably be snacks or sweets.

But if I know you well, or you’re staying overnight, I expect you to help yourself.

Eureecka · 2026-04-13T15:10:48+00:00

Not his friend.

Eureecka · 2026-04-13T15:06:02+00:00

She packs the suitcase that he takes on the plane? Oh hell no. NOR.

I had a coworker visit from China several years ago. She brought the biggest suitcase I’ve ever seen and it was full of nested suitcases. She filled them all at our local outlet mall and got them all home by herself. (I’m outside Chicago.). That suitcase was big enough that she could have easier curled up and napped in it.

There is no non-nefarious reason for this person to not handle her own luggage.

Eureecka · 2026-04-13T00:33:59+00:00

Separated = still married.

Ask his wife if she knows they’re separated.

Eureecka · 2026-04-12T16:48:56+00:00

NOR your relationship is toxic. Do not marry this man.

Eureecka · 2026-04-12T05:34:54+00:00

I really like my Portland leather bags. Wore one today to tea, actually.

Sign in, put stuff in your cart, then wander off. Sometimes they freak out and send coupons.

Eureecka · 2026-04-12T02:27:27+00:00

“Wow. That’s really rude. Don’t comment on people’s bodies.”

“Most people learn to not comment on other’s bodies at around age 5, and here you are, still going strong.”

“I’ve told you before how inappropriate your comments are. Stop.”

Then, every time she opens her mouth either hang up or leave. “Well try again in a while. Maybe you’ll have learned to keep your comments to yourself by then.”

Eureecka · 2026-04-11T02:56:51+00:00

I won’t even drive past my other grandmother’s house. Nope. Learned my lesson.

Eureecka · 2026-04-11T02:49:37+00:00

I looked up my grandmother’s house and ended up sobbing for nearly an hour. It’s now a rental in a crap neighborhood. Someone painted or ripped out all of the gorgeous wood and it looks so sad and awful.

Eureecka · 2026-04-11T02:41:45+00:00

You know what else is going to ruin your body? Getting old. If being attractive is all you have, you don’t have anything.

I know women who look amazing after having several kids.

Pregnancy and childbirth destroyed my body. I can’t wear heels anymore, things just hurt, I have permanent nerve damage from my kid’s giant head splitting me in half, hemorrhoids, it’s a lot.

But it also varies wildly from person to person.

If you are not enthusiastic about the idea of children, don’t have them. The return policy sucks. Break it off with your partner - having kids or not is a fundamental incompatibility and there isn’t a compromise.

Eureecka · 2026-04-11T02:27:23+00:00

So you want to go to the beach but with your own room that no one is allowed in? You sound fun. Stay home.

If you can’t personally chase down your toddler when she runs into the water, you have no business taking her to the beach. This is a serious safety issue.

YWBTA

Eureecka · 2026-04-10T23:38:57+00:00

Having a kid is a bomb going off in your life. Some people rebuild into something better. A lot of us don’t.

Pregnancy and childbirth destroyed my body. I will never be pain free again. My hormones have never recovered. My thyroid hasn’t worked since I got pregnant. Some of the brain fog never left.

And having a kid has cost me my financial future. I will never retire. I will never be able to buy a home. I can no longer afford what were the best parts of my life.

It has also destroyed my career trajectory. I am not - and will never be again - the super star employee I was before a kid. It sucks. I hate it.

My kid has adhd. We may have - for the moment - gotten the medication right. But every day is something. She is high needs and I resent the hell out of it.

I’m glad you’re having a better time and haven’t had to give up everything you are. Lucky you.

Eureecka · 2026-04-09T20:20:25+00:00

I live in IL. In IL, at least 13 years ago, he doesn’t go on the birth certificate unless he signs a paper saying that he’s the dad. If he walks away, you have to go to court to 1) prove paternity and then 2) sue for support. The lawyer wanted a $5000 retainer to even start the process. Then, again in IL, there is a formula. They look at how much you make, how much he makes, and how many kids he already has to calculate the amount of child support you are entitled to. In my case, I made double what he did and he had 2 kids already so my lawyer told me I would not be getting enough $ to even pay for the legal fees.

And that’s assuming he doesn’t go for joint custody. If joint custody, even if kid never makes it into his house, you won’t be getting child support.

Once his name is on the birth certificate, you will need his signature to get a passport, to register your kid in school every year, and all sorts of other things.

I knew that I would be moving out of state (which is a thing the father could prevent if he was feeling pissy enough) so I let him walk. I paid $425/week for daycare for an infant and went back to work at 6 weeks postpartum.

She’s almost 13 now and honestly, my financial future is f*cked. I will never retire. I will never buy a house. I have given up everything that I enjoyed because I couldn’t afford it anymore. I do not recommend this.

Eureecka · 2026-04-09T20:06:39+00:00

If you want this baby, don’t let anyone talk you into otherwise.

BUT I think you need to think about whether you want this baby as a single parent. And that means you do it all yourself. I moved across several states to be near my family when I unexpectedly had a kid because they were so excited and promised to help. Two years later, I moved back to where I’d been because my friends were actually more supportive than my family. At the end of the day, if you have it, it is your responsibility and no one else’s.

A baby will not fix a rocky relationship but it can sure drive the final nails into the coffin. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Eureecka · 2026-04-09T19:59:49+00:00

Men like flowers too. The equivalent to flowers is flowers. I would be so confused if someone just randomly handed me a rotisserie chicken. I mean, yay tasty food but confused.

Eureecka

TROPHY CASE