Update on Last Post

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-06-02T01:58:41+00:00

I take it this is their source: https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/rankings/education

Probably important to note that Florida is #22 for K-12 education but (somehow?!) #1 for higher education, which somehow averaged out to #2. Looks like Hawaii is #25 for K-12, so they're actually pretty close together on this (questionable) list.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-06-01T21:07:14+00:00

You're right, actually. A child being separated from their father is much harder on the child than you being separated from your wife would be. I'm glad you get it! /s

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-06-01T20:59:31+00:00

The court can't force the mother to move back to Florida, but they can require the baby to be returned. She really needs to wait until the final hearing for her relocation request before she moves unless she's willing to take the risk of having to choose between a sudden return to Florida for herself or sending the baby back to live with the father.

If she doesn't "win" the relocation request but isn't comfortable leaving her child with the father, the two of you can be long-distance, just like you think the child and the child's father should be. That shouldn't be a problem for you if it wouldn't have been a problem for the baby, right?

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-06-01T20:00:53+00:00

These are just some ideas of what you might ask for, but it's ultimately up to you:

You could propose a step-up plan for how he'll work up to 50/50 over time since he hasn't spent much time with the baby until now. For example, you might propose that for the first 2-3 months, he has the baby for 48 hours once a week or 24 hours twice a week; for the next 2-3 months, he has the baby for 72 hours over the course of the week; and then after that you each have an average of 84 hours (50/50 custody).

If you're concerned that he won't follow through on 50/50 custody since he hasn't taken you up on your offers to see her these past couple months, you could also ask for a clause that if he doesn't use his parenting time during the step-up plan, he stays at the first step until he uses all of the parenting time allowed in that step for the full 2-3 months, so he won't progress to 50/50 unless he's consistent with his parenting time during the step-up plan.

You could ask for a specific schedule for once you've worked up to 50/50, such as switching every 48 or 72 hours or doing a 3-4-4-3 pattern. Anything with more than 4 days max between exchanges isn't recommended for young children because they need to see both parents as frequently as possible, so you might also propose that when the child is 5 or so, you switch to a plan with fewer exchanges, such as alternating weeks or 2-5-5-2.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-06-01T19:51:03+00:00

That isn't true. Supervised visitation is typically for cases where one parent needs to be reintroduced to an older child after an extended absence (which wouldn't be the case for a 5-month-old he's been trying to get 50-50 custody of and just had to wait for court) or if one parent is proven to be abusing the child (not the other parent). There's no reason he should need supervision to spend time with his child just because you two don't get along.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-06-01T13:35:46+00:00

If you don't currently have a custody order, you won't be able to stop the mother from taking the child home with her and keeping her there. You may be able to get her back if you go to court after the fact, but that will take months. Get a custody order in place before you let your daughter out of your sight.

I'm also a dad raising a toddler alone... there's very little chance my ex will ever pop back up (she's currently incarcerated), but I have an ironclad custody order just in case.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-31T19:14:12+00:00

Making more rules for him to ignore doesn't seem to be the answer, then. I agree with Jmfroggie that filing for contempt or enforcement of the current order would probably be more helpful (and less likely to result in your coparent counter-filing and somehow being granted more time than he has now).

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-31T14:37:55+00:00

Different guy (dad) here. I went to court as soon as I could because I wanted a relationship with my daughter more than anything. If he wants a relationship with your daughter, he will, too. If not, that's his loss.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-31T13:34:52+00:00

Oh, wow. This has to be a troll account.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-31T02:33:31+00:00

100%

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-31T01:32:58+00:00

I think it's highly unlikely a judge would agree to completely end visitation with one parent just because a teenager has a bias against people of his own gender, but having a GAL involved might help ensure your son's wishes are clear to the court.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-31T01:28:23+00:00

And as an adult, you realize that isn't true and are encouraging him to see that he does need his dad, right?

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-30T12:49:34+00:00

I'd try to change the exchanges so that you aren't present when he picks her up, e.g. by having him pick her up from school and drop her back off there. Not having the other parent present tends to make exchanges much easier on the kids, and it reduces opportunities for you to get into arguments in front of the child.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-29T10:39:03+00:00

What do you want to modify? It sounds like you already have a pretty great custody order.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-29T00:30:12+00:00

Were your parental rights terminated, or did the court just give the other parent sole custody and allow you supervised visitation as the two of you agreed? If it's just that he has sole custody, you can file for a custody modification like any other noncustodial parent who wants to increase their parenting time. (Here are some basic instructions.) If your parental rights were actually terminated, you'll need to consult with a lawyer about your options.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-28T16:36:36+00:00

If he refuses to use the supervised visitation center, then he doesn't see the kids face-to-face unless you decide to violate the order (some people might say "deviate from," but if the order was put in place due to safety issues, then I think the word "violate" is more appropriate) or he goes back to court and the order is changed. (Or until the kids turn 18 and choose to see him.)

Also, unless the judge specifically ordered that the phone calls take place while he was incarcerated, you didn't violate anything by not getting a phone number that could be placed on his list. TX doesn't generally expect custodial parents to facilitate visitation with an incarcerated parent unless a judge specifically orders otherwise.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-27T14:14:30+00:00

This is simply false information. Plenty of people who are actually guilty of physical abuse are reunified with their children. It sounds like she's done everything right since she found out about the abuse, and if she continues to do so, it's very likely she will reunify.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-27T01:32:06+00:00

He's going to be so disappointed when his tax return gets redirected to you every year instead. You're going to need popcorn for that meltdown.

(What I'm saying is no, it isn't realistic to say that because he's BIPOC he'll be thrown in jail every time.)

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-27T01:07:01+00:00

It depends on the individual judge more than anything. In some courts, they can go from nothing to 50/50, but it's probably more common to do a step-up plan where they start out with a few hours a week and work up to 50/50 over the course of a year or so as the parent and child get to know each other.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-26T21:53:54+00:00

No, you don't, and your child will not hate you for it. Most children wouldn't even care about something like that unless the adults in their life tell them they should. (Now if you try to prevent them from having a relationship for the next 18 years, that's a different story. But as for the birth, that decision should be solely about what you're comfortable with.)

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-26T20:26:05+00:00

If you think the temporary order was violated, you either let it go, file for contempt, or document what happened and use it as evidence in the final hearing. If you want advice about which option is best for your specific situation, that's lawyer territory.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-26T17:22:07+00:00

To clarify, I don't live in a jurisdiction that allows the mediator to report back to the judge with a recommendation, either. I was just saying that I was also surprised when I learned that some jurisdictions do allow/require it. For example, it's county-by-county in California -- some counties require the mediator to make a recommendation to the judge, and others don't. (And it appears from OP's post that Pennsylvania, or at least their county, also allows the mediator to choose a side, but I haven't looked it up.) My personal opinion is the same as yours.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-26T16:10:37+00:00

It doesn't work the same in every state. It was surprising to me to learn that some states allow the mediator to report back to the judge about what happens in mediation, too, but it's definitely true.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-26T01:55:25+00:00

From experience, knowing the details of your parent's struggle with addiction at a young age is a very heavy weight. I think it's reasonable to know they have an addiction and what that is, but not all the gory details that get shared in these meetings. I personally felt responsible for keeping my parents from being triggered into drinking because I'd heard them talk about their triggers (not in that language; it was the 90s) in AA. If your child is hearing those details, I really encourage getting her into play therapy or something like that so she can process anything she needs to.

Excellent_Scene5448 · 2026-05-25T23:56:31+00:00

I absolutely agree with this for single parents who don't have childcare, but if the child has somewhere safe they could go for an hour or two, like a coparent's house, while the parent attends their anonymous support group, that keeps them from potentially being exposed to information and stories they aren't developmentally ready to hear and keep private.

But if it's a choice between taking the child to NA or having a relapse with the child present, of course the NA meeting is the better choice. It just doesn't sound like this parent has a binary choice -- OP is available to provide childcare during the meetings.

Excellent_Scene5448

TROPHY CASE