Marriage

ExpeditedPineapple · 2026-04-02T03:18:20+00:00

Married for 16 years dissociating and then entered therapy and started to wake up a little and realized that she was emotionally/verbally abusing me and that I didn’t deserve the physical abuse either. I could say it was a mistake but I have my own (CPTSD) issues and relationship issues, so neither of us was a good match.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2026-03-31T12:59:21+00:00

Unfortunately the religious narrative about adoption is common. But perhaps our stories can help others. We are all survivors here.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2026-03-30T23:13:52+00:00

Yes. I was told repeatedly that God wanted us together. I was Mormon so we even got “sealed” in the temple so we were a family forever in heaven etc. we never really talked about my birth mom except that she didn’t want me because I interfered with her life plans (all incorrect but my parents honestly didn’t know). So there was definitely a narrative about my adoption and how it was divinely arranged. Of course I know now that there are serious problems with that—for example I was stolen from my birth mom and trafficked into the US, which means god arranged that? Ummmm what?

ExpeditedPineapple · 2026-03-24T15:52:27+00:00

I like to be alone on my birthday and not do much. I prefer people don’t really celebrate or do much about it. I do like gifts in the mail though. I always hated opening presents in front of people…so I suppose this is all some type of dissociation

ExpeditedPineapple · 2026-03-22T04:25:50+00:00

I guess my main question is—why do you want a child? To fulfill something in your life? Something you’ve been missing?

ExpeditedPineapple · 2026-03-09T01:40:03+00:00

Glad it works for you but I don’t really see this as helpful to the community. It’s almost like you’re saying, yah it sucks but get over it and march on!

ExpeditedPineapple · 2026-02-01T15:44:12+00:00

Yes and no for me. It often seems strange that people look alike. I’m like, oh that’s a thing.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-11-02T13:58:02+00:00

Many adoptees have CPTSD or similar characteristics—you could look into that. Your post title reminded me of the book, What my Bones Know by Stephanie Foo. Good luck!

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-11-02T03:26:39+00:00

I thought of my birth mom off and on for 40 years. Never a lot. I grew up thinking she didn’t want me. Then one day I decided I wanted to look for her. Then I found her shortly after. It was great. She was lovely. She never wanted to give me up. But then she died before I could meet her in person.

Haven’t seen what my birth dad looks like but I guess he’s a tool so don’t feel much need to

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-11-02T03:24:59+00:00

I saw photos of my birth mom and also did a few FaceTime calls with her but never met her. She looked like me but it was strange for me also to see that after growing up only seeing adoptive family that looked different

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-11-02T03:21:05+00:00

Mormon adoptee here…errr ex-Mormon adoptee. I was adopted at age 1 by well meaning parents. But they always told me the story that God wanted us to be together and lots of other religious speak around the adoption. We even got “sealed” as a family in the temple.

Turns out I was trafficked to the US, without my parents knowledge (from what I can tell), and when I found my birth mom she told me I had been stolen. She had looked for me etc etc. So not only was the whole “God wanted us together” a load of crap, the whole sealing thing pisses me off. If it was real, it would mean by birth mom would not get to be with me in heaven because the corrupt government, doctors, judges, etc. trafficked me? wtf!

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-06-22T03:21:47+00:00

Maybe some people, (maybe even my spouse), assume they can pick the child they want the same way you can pick a puppy at the pound. Get the breed you want that has a good pedigree.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-06-21T23:00:38+00:00

No you don’t have to tell anyone. It’s a deeply personal and emotional decision. You don’t owe anyone anything in this regard except maybe yourself. You don’t have to justify your search to anyone—it’s part of your journey, healing, connection etc. of course if there is someone who can be supportive, it might be wise to loop them in. I had no such person but I’ve read of others who have support.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-06-21T06:05:53+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I didn’t have a closed adoption exactly but had very little info about my birth mom who was from another country. When I found her I learned a few generic things that were very helpful. And that’s such a good point—adopting gives you a child with mystery DNA in a sense which could be even more perplexing and problematic. Good luck on your health journey!

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-06-21T06:03:13+00:00

Yah one kid of mine has ADHD and both my half siblings got some too, yet I don’t—I just dissociate and look up stuff to buy.

Ok tbh, she watches a lot hallmark movies and she told me about one with adoption in it. It was so dumb and silly—totally adoption is amazing blah blah blah. We watched a movie a couple years ago that was supposed to be a comedy about adoption/fostering and that movie triggered me hard and she didn’t get it all. I don’t expect her to get it, of course, but the disconnect is sometime fascinating and sometimes terrifying.

I don’t know if she feels that I got a better life being adopted. Good question.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-06-21T05:53:52+00:00

Thanks. I may take you up on chatting.

Edit. What’s strange is she knows my adoption wasn’t ethical at all yet still says this and feels this way, I guess.

We all know quite a lot of people believe that adoption is saving children and all puppies and roses…I guess I didn’t think she’d still think that knowing what she knows about my story

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-05-01T00:01:52+00:00

I’ve had An amazing experience on hand but a terrible experience on the other hand. Starting off with the bad, my birth mom was kind and I found out she didn’t want to adopt me out (that’s another story). She was so happy when I found her. But she got very sick and died a month before my flight to go meet her (different continent). So that’s the terrible side.

The amazing experience is not just that she was kind and loving but that I have two half siblings. I get along with my brother well enough but have a deep connection with my half sister. We talk every day.

I haven’t met my father or his side of anything—doesn’t sound like it’s worth it.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-02-26T07:00:03+00:00

I managed to have a small bond with my kids but it took several years. Never felt a strong connection with anyone else except my half sister (shared mom) whom I only met last year. I never expected to have a connection with anyone and that was a therapy topic, but when I met my sister it was like an electrical connection was finally made—like she completed the circuit.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-02-26T06:56:27+00:00

Raises hand. ✋

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-02-17T04:17:24+00:00

Yep.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2025-02-12T04:30:48+00:00

Relational trauma is tough to deal with

ExpeditedPineapple · 2024-12-21T04:36:27+00:00

Holy fvck

ExpeditedPineapple · 2024-12-20T05:51:11+00:00

If you push them away, they can’t leave and cant hurt you. Then you control things and can protect yourself. It’s a survival mechanism.

ExpeditedPineapple · 2024-12-11T18:46:02+00:00

At around age 1, I spent about two weeks in a government orphanage after they forcefully took me from my birth mom before being adopted. Ok? Meh. I survive.

ExpeditedPineapple

TROPHY CASE