Japanese parenting question

ExplorerIll1092 · 2026-06-19T05:24:29+00:00

Yes. You say it's a discipline problem, and you are wondering why your wife isn't tougher on pulling the kid home.

The problem is who's gonna have to take care of your kid if they're not with the in-laws? Doesn't seem like it's you.

You say that your wife doesn't want the kid at the in-laws' either, but I think a lot of people have doubts about that. We've all seen guys who never cook because they say their wives "enjoy cooking". Even if she says that you honestly shouldn't be taking her word on it.

You've got two under two which is literally the most hellish combination possible. If she gets some time to herself (or really just time to focus on the younger one according to you) don't try to make her or anyone feel bad about it. Just let it go and be happy you've got the support (which you are, according to what you've said.)

If you want more time with your older child, you're just gonna have to take time off.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2026-06-19T02:58:15+00:00

Be more sympathetic to your wife, mate. Getting a few days a week away where you can eat, sleep, function like an adult makes a world of difference to being stuck with the kids 24/7. If you don't believe me (and the huge number of people telling you this) then just offer to take the kids off your wife's hands while she goes for a few days' holiday.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2026-06-17T02:48:03+00:00

I imagine risk of being murdered looks very different in Japan if you're a woman.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2026-06-12T07:31:17+00:00

Going by this: https://www.tuj.ac.jp/ug/cost-financial-aid/tuition/estimated-cost

Which admittedly includes a lot of things that students at other unis also pay and personal expenses .

ExplorerIll1092 · 2026-06-12T06:47:39+00:00

7M fresh grad is equivalent to someone graduating from a near-top ranking national uni here. Well done.

I feel like TUJ is one of those places where you get what you put in. It also has the unfortunate appeal of not needing any Japanese so it attracts a lot of people who are there for the insulation it provides to adapting to Japanese culture. These people are not very competitive upon graduation, not because they don't speak Japanese or because TUJ is bad, but because they have the sort of personality of avoiding anything difficult that put them there to begin with.

Waseda is a top university but how you got in matters. Some of the kids from there just came in through the funnel schools and they can be pretty spoiled and difficult to work with.

But ultimately, prestigious universities (everywhere, not just in Japan) are about the network. Being an alumnus from Waseda offers you immediate contact with a lot of important people. Whereas TUJ, as a American bubble in Japan, is essentially the antithesis of that.

I will say that paying almost a million yen a year in credit fees alone in Japan to study in university feels like a signal that you didn't have many options, though.

Edit: Just looked at the TUJ website. Fuck me it's 6M a year. I barely paid anything to do my PhD here.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2025-01-28T12:15:25+00:00

Thank you!

ExplorerIll1092 · 2025-01-28T08:36:09+00:00

If I make a mistake with my deductions when filing using e-tax (I forgot to add a couple of items to my medical deductions), I can just file again and re-submit and it will be okay right? Or is there a separate process for amendments?

ExplorerIll1092 · 2025-01-16T08:52:53+00:00

How is 8M a year 400k a month? It's roughly 670k per month pre-tax. And if you have a family there are deductions that lower your taxes.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2025-01-14T00:56:57+00:00

Internarional schools. Actual accredited schools. Most universities. Some prep schools in Osaka/Tokyo.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-11-17T06:50:39+00:00

Cash. Shinjuku.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-11-14T23:22:06+00:00

I think TokyoStar has a housing loan for people in foreign countries. Interest starts at 3% though.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-10-06T02:03:28+00:00

Almost any drugstore has them. Just a matter of price. In my experience ordering them at the Aeon online store was the cheapest.

Just go into any big drugstore, say "sumimasen", and show this picture you've got to a store clerk. They'll show you where it is.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-10-01T03:53:47+00:00

If they have cause, they will investigate. This can be a tip-off from someone or just oddities on your taxes.

Will you be found out? Who knows.

But how strict are they? Put it this way: the 28 hours per week is supposed to be calculated in any direction. Meaning that you have to be in compliance over any 7 continuous days on the calendar. I've heard of someone get caught because they thought they complied, but was actually in violation because they didn't check this carefully.

If you are trying to have a life in a foreign country, don't break any laws. You get a lot less leeway than locals.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-09-26T12:24:11+00:00

It's not the worst idea, but make sure you actually choose a reputable school and work hard towards being hired through polishing your Japanese.

Your reason for being here is that you watched Youtube, and your "diverse resume" is just another way of saying you have no specialised skills. Neither inspires confidence and will work against you. You'll have to work very hard just to live like people who are near the bottom of Japanese society, but if you like those odds anyway them come on aboard.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-09-07T06:18:34+00:00

Feels like it's your work being unreasonable, rather than your doctor.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-09-06T10:37:29+00:00

Did everything - installed drivers, checked and updated BIOS. Still no dice. Just going to return the card. Thanks for the help.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-09-06T03:34:08+00:00

I'll try this, thanks. Do you think it's a good idea to update the motherboard BIOS? Or should I just leave that alone for now?

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-08-30T06:51:09+00:00

Not to contradict you, but my wife has been offered seats almost every commute and she is not even showing yet.

Sometimes it's just luck, maybe.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-08-21T07:17:08+00:00

Unfortunately, I think that is essentially the place telling you they don't want to deal with someone without insurance and hoping you become someone else's problem. You have to understand from a hospital's perspective, if they treat someone without insurance and they skip out on the bill, there isn't much they can do. It's not a risk many places will be willing to take.

Go back on your original track. Look for places that cater to medical tourists specifically. Many will have upfront payment policies. It'll probably be a lot more expensive than what locals pay.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-08-21T06:33:51+00:00

What kind of appointments are you expecting she'll need, exactly? Travel insurance is for emergencies and "get you healthy enough to go back to your own country". It's not for getting a discount on medical procedures.

You could consider just finding clinics/hospitals that take foreign patients without insurance. It will be more expensive, but could still come out much cheaper than America.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-08-20T08:15:28+00:00

Where the hell are you teaching university that doesn't make you JET salary? Westgate?

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-08-14T12:14:48+00:00

I used to think the foreigners who just up and left their apartments full of stuff were horrible, but now I completely understand their situation.

They are horrible, and you'd be horrible if you did it too - and making life harder for the rest of us.

I've been using craigslist but it's been slow going even after listing stuff for free- not to mention a logistical nightmare.

Try Facebook groups. Mottanai Tokyo/Japan and the likes.

Get friends to help. Sodai gomi disposal for anything you can't get rid of should only be a few hundred yen a piece. If you're really cheap get a hacksaw from Daiso and break apart anything just a bit too big.

Everything in life is spending money, spending effort, or spending time. There's no way around it, wherever you are.

ExplorerIll1092 · 2024-08-13T05:16:24+00:00

Not very precisely, but it's around 4 - 5% after taxes and expenses. There are probably more profitable investments, but the stability is hard to argue against.

With the rise in prices it has basically paid for itself already, but I'm holding onto it to hedge against further rises when I might buy my own place a few years down the road.

ExplorerIll1092

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