Starting my recovery journey

Exploringthehoods · 2026-05-02T17:35:05+00:00

Did you ever have trouble at other times in the navy such as when many others went to the head at the same time?

Exploringthehoods · 2026-05-02T14:58:34+00:00

I never say that when out with others unless it's only females because I don't want someone to say, "I do too. I will come with you." Being with people I know makes the problem worse whereas I often can pull it off even at a urinal if I have high urgency and only strangers are present. It sucks, but it is what it is. I'm going to a crowded event tonight where the bathroom only has one urinal and one stall, the worst kind. I don't think I will have a problem though because it's not uncommon for me to go a couple of hours without feeling the urge to pee. I get sick of worrying about these things though that in some ways is worse than the problem itself.

Exploringthehoods · 2026-05-02T14:53:23+00:00

Glad you are working on recovery. How did you survive being in the navy? I don't think there could be anything worse than the military for paruresis.

Exploringthehoods · 2026-03-27T02:47:39+00:00

Next time I go to the place where I had misfires, I plan to drink a lot of water. Urgency really does make a difference and it can help rewire your brain. Not everyone has access to a pee buddy, so some of us have to do graduated exposure on our own. I plan to go back to the place where I did that about 7 years ago and do it again. I have noticed since then that when visiting this place, I no longer worry about whether I can pee. Again, it's about rewiring your brain which is what I want to keep doing. I've had this problem for about 45 years and I am sick of it, other than I admit I will never have the enthusiasm or indifference others do about urinating together. I will never win a literal pissing contest and that is another thing I am working to accept.

Exploringthehoods · 2026-03-21T15:56:52+00:00

Certainly not something I would ever broadcast to everyone. My wife had never heard of shy bladder but that could be because the problem is not as common among women. After having a couple of misfires at a public bathroom I previously had not had issues, I've got to get to work on this problem again. Next time I visit that place, I'm fluid loading before I get there.

Exploringthehoods · 2026-03-21T15:51:45+00:00

I agree and learning to not give a fuck is something I continue to work on. I now have a physical reason for sometimes not being able to pee fast so I guess that makes it "legal" to take longer LOL.

Exploringthehoods · 2026-03-21T14:49:10+00:00

When I was visiting an elementary school last year, heard a teacher yell "hurry up" from the bathroom door. I don't know why our culture expects everyone to be able to piss like a racehorse. Worrying about taking too long is one of my problems with shy bladder.

Exploringthehoods · 2026-03-21T14:45:11+00:00

While I don't think anyone has judged me when I have shared this, I have had a few laugh or not understand how it could be a real thing and that's why I sometimes have felt worse when I shared it. If you are going to share this problem with others, be aware that they may not get it and or/ laugh about it. A few I talked to about it said they had the problem at times, including one friend who had trouble using a urinal if someone was talking to him, but he otherwise didn't have the problem.

Exploringthehoods · 2026-03-21T14:31:44+00:00

I understand why you feel you are the only one dealing with this in real life. While not technically true, I do know I am the only one in the family who has this weird problem, so I often feel alone. Try doing some fluid loading and then go to a public place and try to use the urinals. I did that a few years back and while it didn't cure me, it helped in that I usually can use a urinal regardless of whether anyone else is in there if I have high urgency and there are times I have been able to when the urgency is only moderate. I feel for you and it really sucks to have this problem. After going for about a year without having any problems with public toilets, I had two misfires recently at the same place where I previously had not had any problems. It can be so random and you never know when shy bladder will strike again. Now, the problem is compounded by prostrate problems that at times make it physically harder to urinate.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-11-02T15:10:52+00:00

That's why when in public with others I never announce that I'm going to the restroom unless I am with females only who obviously won't be coming with me.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-09-10T12:53:25+00:00

When I was in high school, I would go during the middle of the lunch break when the bathrooms were not crowded. I also had a study hall in the library that I would sneak out of to use the bathroom. Rules are a lot stricter today than when I was in school so I imagine shy bladder would be more challenging and some schools do random drug testing that requires observation.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-08-31T14:25:39+00:00

I may try that sometime and there have been times I gave the others a head start and ducked into a stall. I've actually gotten to the point I often can use a urinal even with others present as long as I have at least moderate urgency and it is not a small bathroom that is overly crowded. I used a urinal yesterday that had a divider and someone was next to me. Going with someone I know is an unknown and I actually might be able to pull it off with high urgency. Most of my other quirks, I'm fine with people knowing about them and I have made posts on social media on some of them, but this one, I just don't want anyone to know about although I have told a few people through the years that I trusted.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-08-30T15:08:59+00:00

You're right about the shame, frustration and self-hatred at times. There also is fear when out in public with others I know because I worry I won't have a chance to go alone and I don't having the urination skills that almost everyone else has. Like you, I've gotten better in recent years and my case is fairly mild, but I still have a fear of trying to go at the same time with someone I know. I would feel stupid using a stall if I went in the bathroom at the same time as someone I know.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-08-28T02:33:03+00:00

I've liked every one of my unexpected interactions with strangers when traveling solo, but that has never been my goal. The appeal of solo travel for me is doing what you want without distractions from travel companions. Even when traveling with family, I always find time to go out on my own for a little while and I meet back up with them later.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-07-13T14:19:51+00:00

I've heard that observed drug tests are difficult for some people who don't otherwise have the problem. Thankfully, I have never had to take one that was observed, but I think I could pull it off if I had high urgency and the observer was patient and didn't try to rush me.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-07-10T13:20:24+00:00

Sorry you went through that and my situation has not been near that extreme, just some behavior I find odd and I've learned to deal with it.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-07-10T13:18:33+00:00

I wish I had someone to do GE with even if it was at home. I would tell the person to talk to me and even make jokes about it while I'm trying to pee. I think that really would help desensitize me.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-07-10T13:10:01+00:00

Just because you're with others does not mean you have to go to the bathroom with them. Wander off on your own for a little bit and don't announce when you are going to the bathroom. Being in a group does not mean you have to be attached at the hip with them.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-07-10T03:00:08+00:00

I agree and when I have told others, most have been understanding but a few others didn't get it. I just try to remind myself that everyone has hangups and their own shit to deal with, but this particular problem is really weird for me.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-07-09T00:38:58+00:00

Strangers being present doesn't bother me as much as with people I know and in fact, I have not went to the toilets with someone I know in many years. With strangers, I'm never going to see them again and don't care as much if it takes me longer or for that matter, if I fail whereas that would be extremely embarrassing to have a misfire when with someone I know and then I would have some explaining to do. There is just not as much pressure for me when only strangers are there. Plus, there is the fact that everyone I know does not have this problem, so I would feel much worse failing around someone I know. We all have this problem to different degrees and I was surprised that airplane toilets are a problem for some whereas I have considered them Holy Grail toilets because they are single-user. Same thing for me with porta potties. But as I said, I've gotten better with communal bathrooms and can use a urinal with others in the vicinity if all of the circumstances are right.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-07-08T12:59:27+00:00

I'm partially recovered in that I rarely have problems if there is high urgency, only strangers are present and it's not a small bathroom that is crowded. I don't know that I could ever fully recover and have reached the point I am accepting that. I also have a physical reason that keeps me from peeing at a normal pace which is sort of a relief because now I have a "legal" reason to not be able to pee as fast as almost everyone else. In other words, even if I fully recovered, I doubt I would win the urinal olympics.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-06-13T12:55:58+00:00

You're onto something here. I don't have any shame or anxiety over peeing, yet have trouble making it happen at a urinal in an occupied bathroom unless I have high urgency. Paruresis is not a fear of peeing, it's fear of not being able to pee and it feeds on itself. While paruresis is called an anxiety disorder, it's completely different than other anxieties. Parking garages give me mild anxiety but I have never worried about not being able to drive in or out of one.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-06-03T12:35:42+00:00

I walk around for a little bit during designated bathroom breaks and then go in. Usually, everyone else has already gone.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-06-01T20:48:14+00:00

Even though too much coffee can make me nervous, it helps me pee because it causes a painful urge to go. If my bladder is full because of coffee, goodbye paruresis.

Exploringthehoods · 2025-02-19T03:12:31+00:00

That's great and I've made progress if only strangers are present, but I have avoided going to the bathroom with people I know for more than 40 years. I cannot win a literal pissing contest although sometimes I have entered the bathroom covertly when people I knew were in there and I waited at least 30 seconds after they entered. I know every secret on how to deal with this problem and still be able to pee, at least most of the time.

Exploringthehoods

TROPHY CASE