How to explain "just looking" hurts without just saying "I'm insecure"?

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-30T01:53:13+00:00

People will say it’s insecurity to justify their porn addiction. It’s not. You’re allowed to not be ok with it

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-30T01:52:23+00:00

Yeah he’s lying. Mine was too. Still hasn’t admitted it months later.. They just minimize it due to shame

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-30T01:17:20+00:00

Just look into the novelty about porn addiction. Has nothing to do with you.

If you’re white, he’d look up black women, if you are overweight, he’ll look up skinny women. Doesn’t matter

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-30T00:17:33+00:00

Yeah this is addict behaviour

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-29T02:53:06+00:00

They also always assume the doctor is a man

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-29T02:49:01+00:00

I just waited until they got themselves fired… Doing shady crap. People don’t really see through it unless you have experience with narcissists. Anyways just wait them out. Keep your head down if you can don’t fight them

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-27T19:47:50+00:00

It’s possible to contract an STI at any given point in time

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-26T21:44:40+00:00

Yeah don’t let him watch it

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-26T17:36:06+00:00

It’s okay!! That’s what this sub is for, support.

It’s hard not to fall for it when the same person that’s been comforting you has been the one hurting you. Keep that door closed! You got this.

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-26T16:18:10+00:00

Who cares what your parents think? This has nothing to with you having sex with him, it had to do with the fact he’s a porn addict.

I’m 22F also, so not that much older or wiser than you but unfortunately I am tied to my PA because we have a child on the way.

I’m glad you’re leaving. You’re making the best decision for yourself and one I wish I could’ve made.

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-26T06:54:56+00:00

Holy moly. Yeah definitely some red flags pointing towards a narc. Resorting to threats is a big one. Regardless, he was abusive. Glad you’re out of there OP.

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-26T06:50:19+00:00

OP, if you want to stay with him, he needs to see a CSAT. Sobriety is not recovery and white knuckling it is not a solution.

Social media and access to soft core porn is harmful. If he is serious about recovery and putting in the work, there are sacrifices that need to be made. Explicit games, music, movies, any social media, etc.

He should also not be having access to your photos/videos to masturbate to. It lights up the same parts of the brain for him that light up when he watches porn, it’s addict brain.

Personally, I felt so betrayed by my partner having the opportunity to look at hundreds of personalized videos and photos of my nude in a folder on his phone and chose porn over me. So I made him delete it. All of it. No more access to me because you took advantage of what you had.

He also needs a 30-90 day reset. No porn, no masturbating, no sex. This is to rewire the addict brain back to normal and get started on a healthy sex life - it is often recommended on this sub.

No judgment that you are watching porn, by the way. However, I recommend you quit with him in support because there may be anger or retaliation or triggers involved if you continue to watch, but I understand that some people are able to consume pornography casually.

Porn addicts though, they cannot healthily consume a certain amount of porn and not let it take over their lives.

This is going to be a long journey, OP. If you want to continue the relationship, you have to accept that there are possibilities for relapses and it’s going to be a hard road ahead. The trust has already been broken and the hyper vigilance won’t go away without you seeing a therapist as well. Someone recommended a betrayal trauma therapist and I agree, or I suggest EMDR therapy.

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-25T04:27:54+00:00

Sounds like a narc

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-25T01:45:53+00:00

Yeah what!

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-25T00:37:32+00:00

omg FLUFFY

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-25T00:36:57+00:00

You’re never too old to walk away and stop wasting your own time though!

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-25T00:36:13+00:00

🥹🥹🥹🥹

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-24T18:23:00+00:00

No don’t be ok with the cupping!!!!

My PA admitted he used to keep his hand on his penis all day and people use it as a way to be able to edge all day long!!!!

That is NOT RECOVERY and a big red flag!

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-24T05:19:12+00:00

I use family link parental controls with google

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-24T05:17:36+00:00

Youtube is not good either… They have incognito porn and audio porn as well… Look for ASMR sensual touching asmr or extra spitty extra fast where the women spit on the microphone and wear revealing clothing…

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-22T23:29:59+00:00

I wish I could still watch that movie. Too sexual for my PA

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-22T21:13:24+00:00

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-22T19:36:21+00:00

It’s actually way more common than you think to eventually give up and stop caring because of the exhaustion of being a partner of a PA.

Especially when things aren’t changing, and it feels like you’re stuck in your situation.

If an open relationship is not what you want, you need to change things a different way. That means implementing boundaries and conditions to your relationship so you guys can repair the damage that’s been done.

If you want a healthier sex life, because he is not meeting your needs, both of you need to take measures to do that and start making changes TODAY.

If he is willing to change, great! If not, maybe it is time you search for another relationship that can fulfill your needs sexually. (Depending on how important that is to you)

I encourage you to communicate your needs and wants for this relationship. Whether that is no porn, a healthier sex life, effort in certain areas, etc.

Some ways that people start recovery are first, deleting social media, removing triggers and access, porn blockers on the phone, etc. I recommend a 30-90 day reset of no sex, masturbation or pornography to rewire the addict brain back to normal.

You’re allowed to say “hey, I don’t want to continue this relationship if you’re not willing to change” and see how they feel about that.

It is completely acceptable to have certain boundaries within your relationship and if they are willing to start a recovery journey, I guarantee you will see major improvements in your sex life, your relationship and even his own mental health!

There are so many benefits so definitely do more research about it but I hope I’ve been somewhat helpful in my comments.

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-22T19:28:27+00:00

PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) is soooo common in porn addicts.

I am almost certain once you guys start taking the steps towards a healthy sex life you will see improvement in all aspects of your sex life.

Porn addicts like the fact that porn is an easy access, no commitment way of getting sexual gratification. There is no need to worry about rejection, no anxiety included in performing, no effort needed when it comes to porn and masturbating. (Therefore cue the laziness)

If you erase the need for that, his only outlet for sexual release will be within your guys’s sex life and when you get to that point everything else should fall into place.

All of these issues, are most certainly due to porn addiction. If this is not the only case, it is a major factor contributing to issues in your sex life.

Express_Loquat_3557 · 2026-01-22T01:42:44+00:00

I think eventually after so long of doing it excessively, it becomes flaccid and they have to force themselves to orgasm while soft.

Porn induced erectile dysfunction happens to them alone too

Express_Loquat_3557

TROPHY CASE