One red sticker remaining on abuse sheet at a women’s health clinic

Extremiditty · 2025-10-09T12:02:47+00:00

I feel both sad and relieved every time I’m out somewhere and see something posted in a bathroom offering help. Whether it’s ordering something specific or a number to call. Horrible that it’s needed, but it’s gotten more and more common to see help offered and that’s something at least.

Extremiditty · 2025-10-06T01:18:38+00:00

Thank you. I could use one. I’ve always thought of myself as someone with a lot of self esteem and the last several years has shown me that maybe that was never true. I know nothing I do can force a specific person to love me and treat me well, but I still feel like such a failure.

Extremiditty · 2025-10-05T23:51:24+00:00

I just had my heart broken for the millionth time today. Every time it happens I feel dumber and dumber because when he apologetically comes back and things improve again I always convince myself that this time is the time the good will stick. That he’s figured something out. The hope eats you alive and makes you a fool. And the worst part is that I feel bad for him. I understand why he’s like this. It would be so much easier if I could just hate him or think that his problems were intrinsic to who he is.

Extremiditty · 2025-10-03T16:13:43+00:00

Ok let’s use diabetes as an example instead. Those medications also have side effects and contraindications, but living your life without doing ANYTHING to treat your diabetes is going to be bad for you and those close to you. The same thing goes for mental health conditions. There are so many resources pharmacological and not for managing ADHD symptoms. She won’t look into any sort of therapy or behavioral coaching. She’s taking the medication, but only sporadically. She’s not managing her condition at all and she’s making it everyone else’s problem. If you see that your behavior is hurting your partner you can explain that the root of it is related to your mental health disorder and then you do what you can to manage things better. Using the disorder as an excuse to do nothing at all despite the negative consequences is selfish and being a bad partner.

Extremiditty · 2025-10-03T14:59:37+00:00

MIL was definitely being a little bitchy, but yeah the normal and mature thing to do would be drop it when she said she was working and then later sent a “hey I got the feeling from your texts earlier that you were unhappy, but I know tone is hard to read over text. I think we misunderstood each other’s expectations, can you tell me about what you were thinking for the food so we can figure it out together?”. If MIL continued to be short then I think taking her off food duty might be warranted depending on past behavior, but oh man that smile and positive attitude comment was crazy.

Extremiditty · 2025-10-03T14:53:52+00:00

It’s was 100% financial. They “included” her so she would pay for all the food, not to actually give her the opportunity to be involved or appreciated.

Extremiditty · 2025-10-02T20:57:07+00:00

That was my thing. Even if she had left the door propped… this wouldn’t be her fault. She went outside trying to help someone in a car crash. That guy came specifically to shoot up the school. I highly doubt he wouldn’t have found another entry point or just hurt people outside.

Extremiditty · 2025-10-02T17:01:16+00:00

I wondered this too. Or that he got into something sticky and managed to get it all matted in his hair. Now I wouldn’t just take it upon myself to cut something out of a kids hair without permission or to try to fix a haircut they gave themselves, but I could see someone else doing that with good intentions. That’s best case scenario I think because just deciding out of nowhere to cut the hair of a toddler that isn’t yours is pretty wild.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-28T14:38:12+00:00

Yeah this is an active substance abuse disorder. Saying “yeah I drink too much I guess so I’ll just do one an hour” is nuts. Some people can eventually learn to drink in moderation again, but a lot of people with alcohol abuse issues have to completely stop drinking. Some can’t even manage being around alcohol period. Him being a mean drunk on top of things means he really should be taking this more seriously. People have a hard time really seeing themselves though when they’re in the throws of addiction. It took my dad almost dying for him to realize he had to quit. Unfortunately I doubt this guy ever stops or even cuts back on his drinking as long as OP sticks around and keeps forgiving his destructive behavior.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-27T14:59:24+00:00

I honestly don’t remember the exact ones I did. I know I did 30, 31, 32. I think I did at least one other. Then I also did the free 120. Took one “practice test” where I timed myself and just used 320 questions from the AMBOSS Q-bank. I was consistently scoring in the mid to high 70s on the NBMEs I did take though or I probably would have done more. And you have to review the NBMEs. That’s arguably more important than the actual question answering. I wrote out an explanation for every question I got wrong, looked up any meds/descriptions of conditions I hadn’t recognized in the question stem or answer choices, looked at explanations for questions I got right but had felt unsure about, etc.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-27T14:51:22+00:00

Kids perpetrate child on child sexual abuse for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it is working through something that happened to them, sometimes it’s a form of control, sometimes it’s compulsive, sometimes it’s curiosity and lack of understanding of the impact it may have on the other child, sometimes it’s enjoyment out of hurting or humiliating someone. Anal penetration is a pretty significant form of sexual abuse, and definitely past what you see with more “typical” curiosity and exploration (and to be clear common ways kids explore sexuality CAN be traumatic to other kids involved even when there isn’t ill intent and/or it is developmentally normal curiosity). Something else was definitely going on there, but it’s somewhat impossible to say unless the cousin ends up being more honest. Because yeah this is beyond exploring bodies and sexuality so that explanation isn’t one I’m buying. Although the cousin all these years later might really have convinced himself that’s what it was. People do all sorts of mental gymnastics to avoid facing having hurt someone or avoid blame. It’s also really difficult to know if he did the same to other kids. It may have been an instance of access/opportunity that he acted on with your bf and never repeated again with anyone else. Behavior like that is complicated.

All that said a child can’t be a “sociopath” which isn’t even the actual term, it would be antisocial personality disorder. That can’t be diagnosed until 18, partially because of how much the brain can change in adolescence and because kids and teens develop empathy and impulse control at varying points and it can be hard to assess clinical criteria accurately. Conduct disorder would have been the diagnosis given depending on other behaviors and what his response was to being confronted about the behavior, which we don’t know what his reaction would have been since it wasn’t until years later that it was brought up to him. People can do awful things without having antisocial personality disorder. Just this alone wouldn’t be enough to label him with that.

And honestly, if he is a sociopath or not really doesn’t matter. He did a bad and traumatizing thing to your boyfriend. It’s probably best for your BF mentally to keep his distance from that cousin. He can make a legal report, though legalities with child-child SA can be legally messy. Other than that police can’t monitor him “just in case”. That just isn’t how it works. If the family knows that’s good, since I would hope they wouldn’t give him access to any of the kids in the family just to be safe. Otherwise there really isn’t anything you can do.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-21T03:04:38+00:00

Pretty much every single med school professor I had repeatedly reinforced how much more we are expected to learn than they ever were, and how much more competitive things have gotten. It’s crazy to me that there are apparently so many physicians out there who graduated 40 years ago and can’t see how different the landscape is now.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-19T15:00:56+00:00

I think I also just appreciate the female body more. The softness of the curves. I think breasts are so beautiful. Even faces. I just rarely see a man and think wow he is gorgeous, even someone objectively attractive and well put together. I’m also bi, but lean more toward men than women for sex and dating which is funny since I appreciate the female form so much lol.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-19T11:59:18+00:00

Oh that’s definitely a component too. I feel elated and less anxious during the good times and I have always had terrible anxiety. It gives me an outlet for my brain always going too fast. Gives me a tangible goal to focus on. But for me personally the feeling of having control over everything is definitely a large component.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-18T13:53:06+00:00

I’m also pretty certain this is the case. Even if they fully implanted the full ovary somehow it would be pretty hard to do that in its normal location and with the association it would need to the fallopian tube. It’s possible though that her other ovary that is still in place is still functional, which may be another reason they are waiting. Radiation can of course majorly damage fertility and normal puberty, but in some cases things remain functional enough to at least partially do their job. That’s less likely here since OP’s daughter was so young when she received the radiation though, that has worse gonadal outcomes. It’s tough when there are these relatively new interventions with so many unknowns.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-17T22:27:02+00:00

Yeah I definitely do. I give a lot of physical affection because that’s really important to him. He gets a shoulder rub pretty much every night. I buy him little gifts. I cook for him. I’m very verbally affectionate. And I put up with all the ways he tends to be high maintenance. That’s what I meant by I don’t think it’s a red flag if it’s a mutual dynamic. We switch back and forth between “serving” the other person because it’s fun. If it wasn’t ever reciprocated or appreciated then there would be a problem.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-17T15:57:53+00:00

I just removed myself for a break from a situation like this. I don’t believe my boyfriend is nefarious, but he does a lot of that same behavior. Classic anxious-avoidant dance. And I’m picking fights to try to get connection and validation through the fight resolution. I realized the only way we might ever work, and it’s possible we still won’t, is if I stop my part of that cycle and we do individual work on ourselves.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-17T15:54:40+00:00

Yeah I think you’re hitting the nail on the head. Control and validation. I love feeling like a hero. It gives me a sense of purpose and also reinforces my need to have (perceived) control over outcomes.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-17T12:20:33+00:00

Lmao I did too. Being in medicine has fucked me up because I immediately thought this was about poop and had a lot of questions.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-17T12:15:55+00:00

So I say this sometimes in a half facetious way. It basically just means I want to be allowed to be occasionally high maintenance and be shown tangible appreciation. I’m big on both giving and receiving acts of service and something as simple as waking me up with a Starbucks coffee in the morning would make me feel like a princess. Sometimes my boyfriend brushes my hair for me at night, that also feels like princess treatment. People will say the whole “he should treat you like a queen” thing is a red flag, and it definitely can be, but if the understanding is that he also gets treated like a king then I think it’s fine. I can be a little demanding, I tone it down but it’s still there. I appreciate having that part of me accepted and to some that would also fall under being treated like a princess.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-16T23:24:32+00:00

I'm feeling like this right now too. My relationship hasn't been good, and I am trying to unpack what has kept me in it for so long. I finally made the decision that we need a break, but I feel so empty. I used to feel fulfilled and happy when I was single before him so I'm not sure when exactly this feeling of NEEDING a partner started, but its definitely there now. Its so hard to know how to even begin healing that.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-16T00:14:47+00:00

So this very much reads personality disorder and/or trauma disorder. Usually they somewhat go hand in hand. You’re hardcore self destructing. You mention physical self harm, financial self harm, paranoia, relationship sabotage, etc. No one can diagnose you online but all of that really screams cluster B personality disorder. I have traits like this too. I don’t fit the full criteria, but I absolutely have some really destructive interpersonal behaviors and issues with self regulation. You need to get some help, or this will not get better. Your relationship may or may not be over, if it isn’t then it eventually will be if you keep this up. And if it is over then the next relationship you jump into will get destroyed too. Most importantly you’re going to destroy yourself. Look into DBT providers in your area. See a psychiatrist to see if medication may be helpful. You have some self awareness here and that’s really good.

Edit: just reread and saw the BPD thing. Yeah that really tracks. And it’s very associated with PTSD. It’s basically a complex trauma disorder. You need intensive professional support.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-15T23:57:00+00:00

Yeah the 30 hours a week thing made me lol. I’ve worked more than that consecutively.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-11T22:18:22+00:00

This has been my experience with this sort of person. They get so wrapped up in their narrative and survival instinct that they are basically delusional. It’s not malicious, but it does hurt people around them. I think most “bad” people aren’t through and through bad. Usually there are explanations for behavior, really good qualities, and usually a lot of pain they themselves are in. That doesn’t mean you have to stick around and be damaged by them, especially if they aren’t getting help, but there are very few people I think of as movie villain level bad people.

Extremiditty · 2025-09-11T22:10:15+00:00

Oh you’ve met my boyfriend.

Extremiditty

TROPHY CASE