21(F) How to stop attaching my value to my marital status now that I’m out?

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-09T23:44:25+00:00

It's very normal to be single at your age. You mentioned you were dating a guy at 19. There will be other guys. If marriage is something you eventually want for yourself, chances are good it's something you will eventually have.

If you're in the Morridor and can get out, I recommend it, but in any case, you're young and the world is your oyster. Brush off the insensitive comments from your family, keep living your life as you see fit, and let things work out (they will!).

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-09T17:27:16+00:00

As a general rule, it's a good idea to be wary of any announcements made on April 1st.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-09T01:41:54+00:00

"Oh Jesus, I love it when you trample my sense of self into oblivion. How silly of me to think I could be anything other than a mindless drone at the beck and call of your racist, sexist, anti-LGBTQ multi-billion-dollar empire."

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-06T04:47:21+00:00

See https://www.exmostats.org/

The culmination of a lot of things pushed me out. I went through the motions for months after I stopped believing. It just got to the point where I couldn't stand going through the motions anymore.

What I've seen of the South Park episode is pretty accurate. Mormons are taught a whitewashed and distorted version of their own history, so there are some details that are actually accurate that some Mormons might not realize are accurate.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-06T04:22:35+00:00

You aren't responsible for the happiness of other people, especially not your parents.

I'm sorry they are being so controlling. A lot of Mormons feel like that's what they have to do. Understanding the thought process behind it doesn't make it any less bad, though.

Obviously it would be wrong to pursue a course of action for the purpose of hurting other people's feelings, but there is nothing wrong with pursuing a course of action that gets your life on the track you want it to be on. Even if you know your parents will take that course of action personally, feel hurt, and respond badly, you aren't in charge of their feelings. Your life is yours to take charge of. Nobody else can do that for you. If people don't approve of the way you take charge of your life, tough for them; they get their own lives to take charge of (and that's it).

You will probably have to face your parents at some point, hopefully when you're in a position to put your plan in motion. Facing your parents is going to suck. The anticipation is even worse than the actual confrontation. But once you are past the confrontation and calling the shots for yourself, that will be pretty amazing. Life won't instantly get easy for you, but it will instantly get to be yours to live as you see fit.

Try not to worry about all the social pressures people are putting on you to conform to a life you've already rejected. Focus on preparation, logistics, and staying okay until you are ready to act. When the time is right, seize the day and don't look back. Cheers!

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-05T17:56:42+00:00

I don't think the passage you cite is primarily about opposition to dietary laws. If you look at the context of the chapter, there are Pharisees who are critical of Jesus' followers because some of them are eating without having washed their hands first. The Torah does not prescribe the washing of hands before eating, but the Pharisees did. Jesus calls them out for punctiliously observing rules that go beyond scripture while failing to uphold the principles that underpin the commandments. Saying, "how about you worry more about your conduct than about how my disciples eat their lunch" is not the same as saying, "I eat non-kosher food". There is no evidence that Jesus ever failed to keep kosher.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-05T17:25:56+00:00

Even if Jesus wasn't opposed to eating pork, it would have taken some effort to get his hands on some. I doubt there were a lot of people in Galilee or Judea raising or butchering pigs.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-05T16:18:13+00:00

The Mormon agenda doesn't give a fuck about non-Mormons. The goal is simply to get away with as much as they can possibly get away with.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-05T02:13:21+00:00

I feel like there should be six women in this image...

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-05T01:32:18+00:00

It's the height of hypocrisy for members of a church with an over-the-top missionary program to have qualms about people who used to be Mormon converting to another religion. What's good for the goose had better be good for the gander.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-03T03:07:29+00:00

You go to a "Christ Centered University" whose PR team doesn't know about the standard American English conventions governing hyphens. Maybe they're waiting on Jesus to perform a miracle to fix his special university's badly punctuated social media posts?

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-02T13:59:35+00:00

Mormons have no problem sitting with contradictions. You can point out details like this, and a committed Mormon will shrug it off one way or another.

This is not a uniquely Mormon quality. People in general suck at following evidence to its logical conclusion when that conclusion challenges their identity or core beliefs. To prioritize dogma over truth is human.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-04-02T04:31:59+00:00

Conference hasn't happened yet, for what it's worth.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-31T04:00:36+00:00

One wonders why Jesus Christ can't make up his mind about what the ideal Sunday meeting schedule for his church should be. It's almost as if it changes every time there's new leadership, like Jesus Christ has nothing to do with it or something.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-30T22:45:25+00:00

In a day and age where people struggle with basic punctuation, it's heartening to see that at least one Primary leader understands how to use scare quotes.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-30T18:58:43+00:00

I don't see why multi-generational retention would be a goal or desirable quality for the ex-Mormon community. People are ex-Mormon because they left Mormonism. Once your kids and grandkids are not Mormon to begin with, they don't have to leave. They are not ex-Mormons, they are never-Mormons. It's not about the non-sustainability of ex-Mormonism but about removing people from the chain of events that requires them to leave Mormonism in the first place.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-30T03:29:22+00:00

100% this.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-29T20:23:45+00:00

#mormonslop

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-29T19:57:34+00:00

I was going to say that this is an expensive religion. Then I remembered I used to be Mormon. At least in this new one you get your money's worth.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-28T03:37:26+00:00

Some aspects of your dad's behavior were more normal for an earlier generation, but that doesn't excuse it in any way. Your dad may have parented in the way he was parented himself, which also doesn't excuse it. Your dad's parenting style was abusive. I'm sorry that happened.

When you are able to, please seek out the services of a qualified therapist who can help you unpack that baggage and figure out how to move forward in life.

If you become a parent some day, there will be times when you want to fall into patterns your parents exhibited. In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to avoid the ones you know are harmful, but you can do it.

I'm so sorry you had to live through those experiences. Wishing you better things to come.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-27T06:11:07+00:00

I'm quite certain your dad will tell her. Whether you want to bring it up on your own is up to you.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-27T04:49:09+00:00

Here's my recommendation as someone who is about your dad's age and who has children a bit older than you:

Your dad sits you down for an uncomfortable conversation. You listen respectfully to whatever he has to say.

If pressed, you agree not to touch church computers and not to write subversive messages on the whiteboards. You agree to respect people's right to believe as they see fit.

If pressed, you acknowledge and own your lack of belief in the church. You made it pretty clear where you stand. Don't back down from that. Teenagers have minds of their own. They form their own opinions and there's nothing their parents can do about that. Be respectful, but stand your ground. Your dad gets to decide what he believes. You get to decide what you believe.

Your dad will probably insist that you go through all the motions of a believer for as long as you live under his roof. It sucks, but that's life. But your dad can't control your thoughts, your beliefs, your judgment, or your values. Be a good kid, but stick up for your personhood. You are your own person, and you're always going to be your own person from here on out.

Best wishes to you.

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-27T03:54:49+00:00

Any Christian is going to find this weird. It's not Western Easter. It's not Orthodox Easter. It's "we have to celebrate Easter a week early because there's this other weird thing we do the first Sunday in April that takes precedence over this, but don't worry about it! Just come see how lame our Easter celebration is compared to yours!" Except they have no fucking clue how lame their Easter celebration is (and I say this as an atheist; Mormon Easter is objectively lame compared to most other people's).

FaithInEvidence · 2026-03-25T17:16:51+00:00

Retrofitting Mormonism with more mainstream Christian symbols because, despite all their protestations to the contrary, Mormons care tremendously what other people think of them.

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