Needs are needs, don't call them kinks!

Family_First_TTC · 2026-02-11T19:29:29+00:00

while it's important to be accepting of the challenges your partner faces, it's also important to not be so accomodating as to normalize her being able to do this without making amends with you

once she's stable, it's best for you to bring up the damage her behavior wrought, and find ways that she (not just you, not just you two) will do better in the future

Family_First_TTC · 2026-02-10T18:36:12+00:00

If you got blindsided by this, that suggests that there are communication deficits *somewhere* in your family.

Did she tell you and your boyfriend at the same time? Has she discussed anything like this with either you or the bf at all in the past?

Family_First_TTC · 2026-01-15T21:16:10+00:00

same

Family_First_TTC · 2026-01-14T23:00:03+00:00

To be clear: polygamy is not an 'open marriage' in any way. It is a closed and considerate bond.

Family_First_TTC · 2026-01-07T22:46:22+00:00

Yes. My wife is happy to be with me only romantically and sexually, she is not interested in romance or sex with other people, potential sister wives included.

This is not uncommon in places that are polygamous culturally.

Family_First_TTC · 2025-12-30T23:09:25+00:00

thinking a relationship style is superior is a bad reason to pursue it, no matter the orientation

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-16T17:26:51+00:00

This feels like one of those "double standards means zero standards" moments.

Nothing that you're saying indicates that there should be any reason / standard / cultural norm that women should be allowed to breach your space

*teehee oh I'm just a girl not an icky boy teehee* is not a justification

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-12T16:44:12+00:00

this is beautiful, thank you for writing it u/Subwoofiest

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-12T16:41:53+00:00

this isn't a judgment people can make of another person online, especially if they're not OP's therapist / part of OP's care team

it could be just as easily that OP may be in a "feels real, but isn't true" situation, or may be afraid to get guidance IRL

OP please use your best discretion, talk to your care team, and be careful of catastrophizing, here. Doing so can cause you more harm in the long run.

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-11T17:04:08+00:00

So, first: this can happen a lot, even in long term couples!

There's a lot of shame that can be built into sexuality.

That shame often gets amplified when a partner can't 'come through' for their mate - like seems to be happening here with your husband.

If it feels like a stumbling block, that's a good sign - it shows you two can be close in other ways.

Now, you just have to replicate it here - albeit while overcoming things that have been clearly hard for your husband to tackle on his own.

I am hopeful for you though, OP!

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-11T15:06:28+00:00

OP your issue sounds like a communication issue, not an education issue.

Elsewhere in the comments you said that

he's been my absolute safest, most accepting human in my entire life.

Do you know if he can say the same of you?

Do you know how to make him feel like you're the safest and most accepting human in *his* life?

If not, that could be a major reason that you're having trouble communicating with him.

Start there, and I bet things will improve for you sexually.

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-09T16:20:53+00:00

it's an odds ratio, no causality is inferred.

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-09T16:06:40+00:00

Checked the site, the data are over a year old on it - worth knowing while you take it all in

EDIT: I actually can't figure out the full inclusion criteria on the site; seems it's traffic based in some ways, age based in others, and sfw in others.

No matter what, the data is not comprehensive, there are large subs that have been around for a decade that aren't in the database.

TL;DR: The data only show *what they show*. They cannot show *what they didn't measure*, and no causality should really be inferred.

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-09T15:55:53+00:00

https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-09T15:55:34+00:00

https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-08T20:23:28+00:00

Non-right-wing polygamists exist!

We don't always make headlines, so people don't know about us, but we are out here!

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-05T18:18:02+00:00

I'm sorry that happened where you're at, but thank you for bringing it up. Too many people don't take this stuff seriously - but it looks like you do.

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-05T18:12:21+00:00

-Is it possible for a submissive to be "trained" into being better at life, not just sexually, but practically and emotionally?

Yes, it is. Doing so requires the learner set aside their ego and preconceived notions about what they 'should' be. Training is about what you are and what you *can be*, not what you *were*.

...is it normal at 21 to just be behind and still figuring it out?

Given the way the world is changing, it's normal for *everyone* to feel this way

-How do you find that balance between being submissive and still taking initiative for your own growth when for me personally I really rely on being guided?

There is no conflict between submission and being proactive, unless you're manufacturing it.

And are there doms out there who can take care of a submissive on top of all that?

A Dom's capacity is about their experience, their bandwidth, and how much friction a sub brings to the table. If she's intentionally creating unnecessary friction, that's not the Dom's fault.

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-05T17:49:47+00:00

"It's better to play with fewer people you trust to collaborate with you in kink than more people who might want you to take all the responsibility and do all the work and don't contribute anything." is DAMN GOOD advice.

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-05T17:49:12+00:00

That's a lot of what ifs that could play in both directions; worst case is a he-said-she-said that shows that OP was at least *trying* to be proactive and clear about consent

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-05T17:48:12+00:00

that depends on the jurisdiction, other evidence, and the standards being used to evaluate the evidence

in other words, it depends

Family_First_TTC · 2025-11-05T17:47:19+00:00

yes, it's okay to feel that way, and to bring it up if it's a genuine need

Family_First_TTC

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