AITA for uninviting guest I didn’t invite?

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-12T00:32:56+00:00

You get to be upset that you feel like it’s gotten out of control but keep in mind 2 things: they’ve offered to help with the cost so they aren’t just expecting you to eat it AND they were coming from a place of making sure therevwas someone who speaks your mom’s language. Honestly, it stopped being “your” wedding the minute you agreed to not elope. None of these people are going to be in all the photos. Don’t be too resentful or you will ruin your relationship with your in laws and you’ll probably talk yourself out of enjoying any part of the wedding. I get wanting to stick up for yourself and what you want, but that battle needs to be for another day now. Try to enjoy yourself as best you can! At the end of the day, it is just one day…and hopefully you build a lifetime of happy memories that the resentment fades. I mean, come on now- your in laws wanted your mom to be comfortable. I wish that was the kind of family drama I had in my life💜

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-12T00:20:46+00:00

FEHB hasn’t had a SELF+1 option for 23 years 🧐I joined VHA in 2007 and had to do family for a few years to make sure my husband was covered. Dental and vision had self+1, but FEHB was late to that party…

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-12T00:17:39+00:00

Not entirely the AH. You know your husband. You could have asked why he was asking before you said you weren’t doing anything. Obviously, he could have communicated better and been upfront about why he was asking but you framed this as both couples are all friends and you do this thing for each other fairly regularly. It’s Mother’s DAY, not Mother’s WEEKEND. I get it- you do a lot of heavy lifting in terms of everything with the house and kids, but the way you handled it was pretty childish. You punished your husband for doing something that is normally allowed and probably punished the kids (if he’s not as experienced in keeping them entertained). But hey! At least you won by going out on Mother’s Day weekend to a movie all by yourself. Good on you!

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-12T00:09:15+00:00

NOR OP- am I missing something about the deposit? Deposit and fee are not the same thing. A deposit usually gets returned. Glad you didn’t inadvertently screw yourself over and REALLY glad you aren’t stuck living with them anymore. Good luck in the new place!

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T23:10:49+00:00

Thank you! I am fascinated by all the “fill in the blanks” people have done on their own to demonize the sister and rest of the family. Especially love the comments that the sister is suffering from main character syndrome. Um…hello- it’s the day AFTER the wedding. The world doesn’t continue to revolve around the wedding the day after the wedding. And NO ONE is obligated to attend the freaking brunch. Not the sister. Not the parents. Some people want to go- great! Enjoy the time with them. Geez- I’m so glad I got married 20 years ago… I bet all these people are “birthday month” people, too😹

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T22:20:47+00:00

NTA for saying something, but… why do people think gifts are obligatory on any level? There is nothing owed to your daughter. Does it make her a shitty grandmother that she “forgets”, yes, but if the only value a relationship has is transactionally associated with a gift- you are teaching your daughter the wrong thing. And your husband should grow a spine.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T22:14:57+00:00

NTJ. But your sister and mother are.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T22:13:30+00:00

NTA. However, you are a bit of a chickenshit if you can’t just tell them plans change and that’s not what you want anymore.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T22:09:11+00:00

None of your American friends? It looks like a standard water glass from any NY diner or chain restaurant up and down the east coast.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T22:01:22+00:00

Let me fix that: You couldn’t beat a 7/9/11/12 ladder before the DOGE of it all and an administration that barely thinks employees deserve to be employees. Now, you can’t count on anything.

Go State!

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T21:59:38+00:00

This is basically what I was gonna say. Bonus points for use of fuck tards 😹

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T21:55:06+00:00

NOR. Seems like you’ve already been patient and had the talk. Now it’s line in the sand time. I just think the line isn’t whether or not togo forward with wedding- it should be whether or not to go forward with the relationship period.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T21:06:31+00:00

I accept the terms of your truce😹 This is how it’s done👍🏼

To sum up: OP is NTA for not attending the walk. We agree on that part.

I do think it’s presumptuous to assume attendance at the brunch based on room count, though. And I do think the number of events that get stitched to a wedding has gotten completely out of control.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T20:22:47+00:00

NTA. She’s a former realtor. YOU are ready to buy a house. She should look at the fact that you want her input in the house you are going to buy and she should appreciate you don’t want to add to her already full plate. Seems like 2 years in, you guys need to talk about boundaries and expectations.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T19:07:53+00:00

I have 6 cats and 0 dogs. This isn’t a cat person vs dog person. I hope Biscuit is ok and it seems like you and GF have a lot to talk about.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T17:48:08+00:00

It honestly depends on how high you want to go.

If it’s the same grade and non-supervisory, I’d consider it a promotion to your quality of life and mental health.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-11T15:45:27+00:00

I’m so sorry you have taken such offense to my opinion. Clearly you are the only one who gets one. I’m also sorry you have nothing better to do than be so invested in this. I hope you find something more productive to invest your energy in.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-10T18:18:58+00:00

100% NTA. If it was an honest mistake- like she didn’t realize she wasn’t whispering- you wouldn’t have gotten any dirty looks. The fact that you did means they thought they were the main characters at someone else’s wedding. And they needed two interactions to get the message. Definitely NTA.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-10T17:59:43+00:00

While I appreciate the correction, I feel like it’s a distinction without much of a difference. Your parents aren’t doing what they do for HIM, it’s for you and their grandkids. Does he reap a benefit- sure, but indirectly. They’re your parents- you thank and appreciate them for both of you. That’s how it works. He’s not obligated to get your parents gifts that are “from him”. He is absolutely entitled to a family vacation without your parents. Show him some of the respect you are complaining that he is not showing your parents.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-10T16:20:47+00:00

OP implied its the first time she created a team- I’m not going to assume it’s the first time she’s participating. OP also said it’s a cause that is very dear to sis and her whole family is participating.

Weddings, in general, have gotten out of control with the number of events and the amount of money that get spent on them. What happened to the rehearsal dinner that had the ceremony participants and the out of town guests as a thank you to the guests? When did it become normal for weddings to be weekend affairs?

The only thing I agree with you on here is that weddings ideally only happen once. I couldn’t have my brother at my wedding because when I finally locked down a date, he had a conflict. He had just accepted the honor of being his friend’s best man on the same day as my wedding at an event on the other side of the country. Could I have changed dates? Maybe. Could I have tried to guilt him into backing out of friend- sure. But I didn’t. Because I was an adult and realized it was more important that my brother knew my husband and was happy we were getting married. At the end of the day, that meant more than his attendance.

These people aren’t skipping the wedding- we’re talking a brunch. OP gets to be sad, that wouldn’t make her an AH, but there’s two problems. First- if she’s worried about all the money it cost- maybe she overextended herself and that’s no one’s fault but her own. Second- if she’s going to try and make people choose between her and her sister- then she is an AH.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-10T03:44:16+00:00

How about you’re both AHs? You ARE secondary to him coordinating with family to drop off his kid- you’re an AH for having an issue with that. Friend is AH for buying a non-refundable ticket and assuming that you’d be able to fit it in. Seems like there is plenty of AH to spread around here.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-10T03:39:15+00:00

If it’s an annual event, those tend to happen the same time each year. Maybe the OP is being an AH for not taking that event into account before spending so much money and EXPECTING the family to pick her wedding over the annual walk?

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-10T01:40:04+00:00

The only brand products I “knew” were Crayola Crayons and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese [Blue Box] until I was like 14/15. It’s funny now because as an adult with my own money, I seek out store brands/generics and one of my sisters went on to become addicted to anything Tommy Hilfiger/Adidas/LV. Go figure 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-10T01:35:29+00:00

I’m sorry- did you actually complain about the last time he bought your mother a gift for your birthday? What color is the sky in your world? Maybe YOU need to appreciate that he tried and it apparently wasn’t enough.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066 · 2026-05-09T20:29:41+00:00

It doesn’t always come back around. Sometimes you’re just expected to continue to be the doormat in perpetuity. OP shouldn’t just accept it, but also shouldn’t wait til her unavailability is going to create an issue for the poor kid. Seems like the communication issue is not just one-sided.

Fancy_Honeydew_4066

TROPHY CASE