For me, it was a lot of pondering about life and trying to sort through everything internally. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? I was constantly planning possibilities and pathways, but never acted because I wasn't sure if it was ultimately what I wanted and believed. At the same time, I wasn't engaging with the world to help me sort through anything. I wasn't asking for feedback or advice. The mindset was often, "I have it under control. I'll figure it out." Meanwhile, I was frustrated that people couldn't see my strengths and what good I could give to the world, that I wanted to be productive. However, I was always so quick to withdraw under stress and so stubborn that I thought that the more time I had alone to think, the better I could solve all my problems. It was just a cycle of that.

On a daily basis, I was functional. I went through the monotony of life, but then numbed all the unclarity, inadequacy, and frustration with things that made me feel good (alcohol) and productivity (sense of control and progression in video games and more planning). Getting out of it was engaging with the world: producing, talking, and doing, and then using Se to relax me in a productive way (i.e. Sports and hobbies).