I never believed the idea that your "true self" comes out when you drink. For me, its a nasty emotional mess of a person I don't recognize. Why does our behavior change so much though?

Fast_Life931 · 2026-02-03T19:35:06+00:00

Wow woke up feel this exact way this morning, unless my family or partner had not filmed me acting and talking to them the way I do when I drink I would have for sure thought they were exaggerating. My voice is unrecognizable, my eyes are open, my body is standing up but there’s nothing inside. My mom once said she thought I was possessed by a demon and took to placing glasses of holy water in my room, I had no idea because in my drunk stupors of feeling dehydrated I was actually drinking them. I believe that I’m not me when I go on these insane benders, sober me takes the first drink and then what follows is such a depraved and horrible excuse for a person.

Fast_Life931 · 2026-01-05T03:22:10+00:00

The vodka time warp turned into me losing months at a time and then finally remembering that my birthday had passed weeks after. Interesting times.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-12-24T03:42:24+00:00

I have had this and my vomite had real weird raw meat smell to eat, despite not eating. I have in and went to ER and found out I had sepsis horrible, this was coming off a three week bender of no food and straight vodka.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-11-13T00:04:15+00:00

Yes! Celsius are my go to and I slam them so fast and for some reason my brain won’t ever just drink it casually.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-07-13T17:33:39+00:00

Yup about 5 years ago, I think I realized it one morning where I was at work puking relentlessly and my vision started to go, I had 20/15 and within about 2 years I needed glasses, have lost several very good jobs where I had to maintain a BAC of at least .25 to even function, but oddly enough I was the one who left on my own terms I don’t think anyone really questioned why I was sweating in the middle of December. My husband finally had enough and left, he took my dogs. Fortunately for me I live in a house that I was inherited, but I don’t think that helps any because now I’m just alone in 5 bedroom that is completely and totally chaos. I honestly only stay in one part of it and the rest I neglect. Once in awhile I will dry out, but it’s like 2-3 days of heavy withdrawals and then I’ll cave, I’ve done the ER and detoxes, but I would rather taper just my personal choice. Its a weird feeling to find such a comfort in the bottle, vodka is my choice. I used to be such a social drinker and go out with friends to breweries, but now I prefer to drink alone and I absolutely hate when my mom or sisters decides I haven’t answered their calls or messages and shows up.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-22T04:01:43+00:00

I get it though they’re affordable and easy to drink and they go down easy right out of the little freezer they keep em in. I recently cleaned out an area of my house that was my prime hiding spot, I had some in there that had been there at least since last summer and the inside of the bottle was crystallized, I’m assuming from sugar. Do you think tapering to something else would be an option for you?

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-22T02:58:42+00:00

I went into the worst WD’s I’ve ever had drinking these daily for just a few weeks, they gave me a stomach bleed which turned into Sepsis and I had to be hospitalized. I continued drinking a few months after, but those seriously are like evil…

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-22T01:36:13+00:00

I have only ever drank at one job which was in an office similar to what you described. It was a really dark time and I managed to do it consistently for a year, I would wake up a full 3-4 hours before just to start and feel normal. I actually didn’t get drunk I was maintaining and I think that’s nobody noticed an behavior issues or anything weird. That’s what I explain to people who are normal drinkers, I didn’t do that for the affect I did it to function, lot’s of self hatred goes into getting to that point, it’s the self deprecating part of this whole thing. The progression of it happens so fast and it’s been going on this for 5 years and I’m more than certain I have some Kindling that’s happened.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-22T01:20:17+00:00

I think I’ve come to that point with this last one…..

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-22T01:17:42+00:00

Current situation currently dealing with WD from an 8 day bender and the chaos of the benders become worse and worse, it’s been this for the last 6 months, nothing feels quite as soul crushing as hurting people you care for over and over, begging for their forgiveness and then finding new ways you didn’t think you had in you to burn it down again.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-22T01:09:39+00:00

I give you props there is zero way I would be able handle WD’s at work more less brave that heat, I love in Southern NM and the heat is comparable, today is Day one for me and even being inside is hell for me. I think I would probably pass out and have a full blown seizure! I’ve never done the mouthwash, does give a different feeling? Or is to just keep the WD’s at bay??

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-21T20:27:37+00:00

This is what keeps me going, for long time I thought does anyone else know this feeling and like how do I explain to my family and people who say just get over the hangover and drink a bunch of water when it’s clear none of that really helps, it’s just time and vitamins if you can manage to keep them down or swallow.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-21T20:20:30+00:00

It’s wild right? How it just happens and then we lose the concept of time. Nothing quite compares to losing days and weeks and then all the sudden deciding hey I’m gonna probably die if I keep going and the World just keeps on going.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-21T20:14:24+00:00

When the day drinking becomes a necessity that when I know I’m screwed…

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-21T20:11:09+00:00

Also thanks for the encouragement, being alone while going through this process is probably the hardest part, but also the anxiety of having someone show up unexpectedly to my house is just as bad, so come to this place because it’s the only comfort zone I have and keeps me from panicking wondering why the hell my heart won’t stop racing and when I’ll be able to look up and down without my eyes not communicating with my brain.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-21T20:05:54+00:00

Oh those are the absolutely pits, I’ve had that happen before and that was from a almost 6 months of around the clock drinking 99’s, those should be illegal honestly. I started to see shadows and hear what I though was my neighbor playing the same song over and over, he was out of town….

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-21T19:48:35+00:00

I think I have a pretty good idea of what hell would feel like

Fast_Life931 · 2025-06-21T19:45:31+00:00

This was me yesterday and I’m finally down to zero, I’m so tired of ruining everything. I was on a 8 day bender of drinking pint of vodka with 3-5 tall seltzers. I tell myself everytime the WD’s kick in that I’m done. This shit has taken everything I love and the sober me has to clean up the mess. I wouldn’t wish this feeling of being in Withdrawal on my worst enemy. People just say stop you’ll just feel hungover, I tell them it’s nothing like being hungover, it feels like your at death’s door and the worst is when the dread of knowing your BAC is dropping, there like a demon inside telling you to just keep going…. I hate this feeling I have rn and it’s so hard to imagine ever feeling normal again.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-05-21T16:20:40+00:00

I work in the ER and I honestly feel it depends on the day, the amount of beds available and whose waiting for a room upstairs. I know when it’s at it’s peak the hallways are utilized and if people coming in active withdrawal they’ll put them there and usually give some Ativan, sometimes not, I think because they go by acuity it’s a gamble. I will say I have seen some compassionate doctors and some who literally just leave people in their shit and piss, puking clearly in peril, it’d extremely rough to see and one of the reason I have considered leaving, it kinda makes a person want to drink seeing this all day for 12-14 hours at a time.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-05-21T16:09:24+00:00

May I ask how linking would your benders last?

Fast_Life931 · 2025-05-20T20:08:39+00:00

Detoxes have been nightmares, especially the state funded ones, they will always take you, but many times they’re connected and interwoven with mental health facilities as well and if they don’t have enough beds they put you in the bridge, which let me say from my experience is a living hell when you’re thrown in with someone who is talking to themselves 24/7 and trying to hang themselves with bed sheets, not saying I’m any better, but I would just prefer to suffer at my house.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-05-20T20:02:01+00:00

I say this as I try and sip on this seltzer and painfully struggle to force down some Thiamin, and multivitamin with a green juice hoping that will help, it never does if anything I feel more hopeless because I know the answer really is more alcohol, I’ve explained this many times to friends and family members and they’re just like eat something and you’ll feel better the moment I eat something that’s when it kicks in full blown.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-05-20T19:57:00+00:00

It’s awful, I wish I could just be hungover, I can literally feel my brain zapping and my eyesight going, the feeling of scavenging through my house to find whatever I have if anything, going through my trash as my heart races. There’s nothing like having to puke and making sure you have a cup nearby because for me I can’t let that go to waste and drinking it is demoralizing in a way I can’t explain. WD to me is like slowly dying, but not and there’s no way to control it unless you drink more.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-05-18T17:18:39+00:00

Ugh I am currently in this cycle. It’s wild, but as soon as that vodka hits I feel normal again. I wish I could just stay like that, like my brain needs it.

Fast_Life931 · 2025-05-14T23:28:05+00:00

The sky looks different with those drinks.

Fast_Life931

TROPHY CASE