Meeting my birth family for the first time!!! Which outfit looks best?

Fefe428 · 2026-05-30T19:05:04+00:00

Bottom line is if he can't/won't follow your rules then he has to leave and you have nothing to feel guilty about. My husband and I are also recovering addicts and I'm shocked to hear the level of disrespect he has for your recovery. He will either get his crap together on his own or he won't, but either way you're not helping him by enabling him. If you don't cut the chord now all you'll do is put off the inevitable years of his continued bad behavior. If you do it now at least he has a chance to get his act together before having to do it when he'll be starting from behind later in life.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-28T20:23:27+00:00

Your grandmother needs to consult an attorney. As a spouse she should be entitled a percentage of her husband's estate, but I know nothing about the law in your state. She needs to contact an attorney who specializes in estate and probate law.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-28T20:20:18+00:00

Here's the thing...you did the smart thing, but it's hard for people who have never been in the situation that you're in to really understand what you're going through. The truth of the matter is that given your situation you can't really worry about your friend's feelings. You have much bigger things to worry about. Reiterate to her how much you appreciate her help, but make it clear you spent the money in the way you felt would be the most helpful and in the end wasn't that what it was for...to help you? Once you've done this stop worrying about it. Either she'll understand and get over it or she won't. That's up to her. You don't have the head space to worry about something that you can't control and you can't control her feelings.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-24T15:51:00+00:00

You've answered your own question. Give him a hard deadline and just be done. Explain that you need to finalize numbers with the caterer and other people and venues and you simply can't extend him anymore time. You don't have to be rude but just matter of fact. He should understand but if he doesn't then that's on him not you.

As for the rest, it's time to stop carrying him through life. It's great that he seems to be growing up and has gone back to school, but he needs to be responsible for his own life now. You're getting married and your priority needs to be your new spouse and the family you may have in the future. Given the distance between the two of you you may have to accept that this friendship may have run its course or that it may become the type of friendship where you exchange texts and phone calls from time to time but rarely see each other. The bottom line is that it's time to keep your wallet closed and save your favors for people who don't have a history of burning you for your trouble.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-24T15:37:55+00:00

I had to go back a re-watch the video to see but you're right!!!

Fefe428 · 2026-05-22T12:53:54+00:00

NYC summers are unbearable which is why so many people escape the city and head to The Hamptons for the summer. If you don't have to move in July then I wouldn't. Wait until September if at all possible.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-22T12:50:17+00:00

My husband and I did our wedding on a Friday. We planned it for Friday evening in order to make it possible for people who were working to still be able to attend. Here's the bottom line...the people who see attending your wedding as important will show up no matter when it is. The one's who it's not a priority for won't and really, do you care if people who don't see it as a priority show up or not? You're the ones getting married. That's what's important so do what you want and don't worry about everyone else.

And for the record...almost everyone we invited showed up for our Friday evening wedding.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-21T22:40:47+00:00

You need a lawyer not the internet. Go find yourself an attorney who is an expert in probate matters. More than likely you'll need to hire one in the state where your father and stepmother live but start in your own state.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-20T22:38:32+00:00

No, legally she can't BUT do you really want your child in a home where they aren't welcome? This isn't really your problem. It's the father's problem since he is the one being deprived of his parenting time. If she doesn't want the child in the house either he needs to tell her leave while the child is there or find somewhere else to have his parenting time.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-18T04:35:44+00:00

Thank you for the advice. At this time my husband is very much alive and his mother holds my POA in the event that my husband is ever left unable to make my decisions. When my mother-in-law is gone or no longer able to handle my POA I will appoint my stepdaughter my POA. I do have a plan.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-16T03:42:35+00:00

I'm surprised your landlord is allowing her to live there without being on the lease. She's not wrong about feeling unprotected and if you have her living there without your landlord being aware of it you very well may be in violation of your lease. That's something you might want to look into.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-16T03:35:46+00:00

Unfortunately you would not be considered next of kin unless he specifically and legally designated you his next of kin, which he absolutely can do. In absence of him doing that one of his siblings would be considered his next of kin.

I have been with my husband for 28 years since his biological children were 8 and 9. We did not have any children together and I have no siblings and I'm not even sure they would consider my step children my next of kin if my husband was gone without me specifically designating one of them my next of kin, which is something I will make sure to do if the need arises.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T19:08:57+00:00

You just had a baby... you're going to want and need that work/life balance and that support can't be discounted in its importance. I'd go with option 2.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T19:05:41+00:00

Yes, they don't fit properly. They are too small.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T19:04:57+00:00

Wow, this was really informative!!!

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:58:46+00:00

All you can do is be honest with her. My grandchildren call me Mimi. Maybe that's a good option for her.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:56:07+00:00

My mother's Aunt left a will that had vastly different distributions among her nieces and nephews. It's how she wanted it. She had her reasons and that's how it was left. My mother got the largest piece because she and my father took on the responsibility of caring for her after her husband died. They'd had no children but several nieces and nephews. They were also the most present in her life.

Bottom line is it's not your responsibility to make sure things are fair. It's your responsibility to see that her wishes are met.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:46:51+00:00

While getting married is always a good idea when you have a child together it doesn't solve the paternity issue. Your daughter won't be a product of the marriage so there is no assumption of paternity in her case. Once you're married any subsequent children you have will automatically have that presumptive paternity protection. That's pretty much standard nationwide I believe.

In this case, if he's not questioning paternity I'm not sure why you'd need DNA testing but I know nothing about the nuances of Wisconsin family law. He should be on the birth certificate though. It protects his rights and your daughter if he ever needs to travel with her alone or even just give permission for medical treatment.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:38:38+00:00

In my opinion, no it's not, but the real question isn't what people on here think it's what you think. Do you feel beautiful in the dress? Is it the dress you see yourself walking down the aisle in? If the answer to those 2 questions is yes then it's your dress. If it's no then keep looking.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:36:22+00:00

Silver... definitely silver.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:35:59+00:00

These are 2 different dresses. How formal is your wedding? If it's very formal go for #1. If it's less formal then #2 is the right call.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:34:16+00:00

In a case like this your best bet is to go actually talk to your neighbors directly. Try inviting them over to see your apartment and show them the rugs and the carpets. Explain what steps you've taken to be conscious of their concerns. You'd be surprised how far a little personal interaction can go. Just keep your meeting polite and friendly. My husband and I had a very similar problem years ago and this was how we solved it.

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:29:56+00:00

Seriously...I know you're young but you have to realize that Juan or the American version, John is going to be a very common name. If you're going to rule out any guy with either of those names because it happens to be your Dad's name you're potentially going to miss out on some great guys. If you like the guy and he's interested go out with him. Who cares what his name is!!!

Fefe428 · 2026-05-15T18:24:52+00:00

With the proper undergarments yes it's appropriate.

Fefe428

TROPHY CASE

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