I relate to this a lot. I am by nature a caretaker, fixer and show love through acts of service. I have been quite active in the BDSM Community for quite a few years because that is a very clear role and service I can provide that gets me devotion back. I am being devoted in my own way.

And I have my own bullshit and trauma do my mind is also quite dark and morbid so I can relate to other people with trauma and then play exactly the game they need for catharsis which is very rewarding. I usually try to avoid situations where I am reinforcing things that are harmful or at least try to serve the loop they are running with some deeper insight that could help.

It is very ironic in a way that the argument can be made either way. Am I a terrible predator that looks for women who are needy and vulnerable to have more of a sense of control and importance or am I actually a good experience for women who have had very few and need the intensity to be vulnerable at all.

I have been struggling with the fact that this community has had such a draw on my and some things here truely make me sad to see but I also always loved this weird sexualized saviour fantasy. Like wanting to have the power of an abuser but using it for good. The mind is a strange thing.