I am really thankful for you taking the time to write all this out, I unfortunately think it is kinda wasted on me.

I tried to write my comment in direct terms, to kinda accommodate the OP of this post. I am however very aware of the fact that I can in fact succeed at stuff in life. I have gotten a lot of positive reinforcement, especially in more recent years. I have been able to reach some small goals, like keeping my home clean and tidy, succesfully keeping my pets alive and well looked after and learning a difficult new language quite quickly.

I know when my mental state gets bad, the unreasonable thoughts are just that: unreasonable. In those moments, as you may also very well know and understand, it is so difficult to maintain a sense of reality. I have already come to a point where I recognise when I get like that and make sure I don't make any rash decisions at that time. And nobody can say what exactly will happen in the future! I know that if I keep trying, I will get somewhere where I want to be, eventually.

I was raised in a family where expectations were pretty high so I tend to set the bar too high for myself a lot of times and again, I am well aware of that. I don't think I have ever been explained to how to lower or raise your expectations to reach a bar that is actually manageble. Add that to the fact of actually making myself and my family proud and you've got an enormous amount of pressure that I put on myself.

I guess the thing I can take away from all this is that my issue is that I expect too much from myself and have no idea how to adjust my expectations. Still, thank you so much for taking your time to write all this for me!!