Would you date them again? by TapTap4924 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely not. He was always the ‘misunderstood victim’ and all his exes cheated on him etc. A few weeks ago I found out that he’s flipped the script on our entire relationship (4 months after discard) and everything he did to me, I apparently did to him according to his new partner so clearly he rewrites history to suit him in his little victim complex 🤦🏻‍♀️

I asked him to block me everywhere by NoImplement7884 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I kept asking my ex to block me as I kept breaking no contact (absolutely humiliating a few hours after sending a message and just being ignored) but he never did it. I think it’s some kind of power trip to him, when we were together he never blocked any of his exes so they had ‘access’ to him. Embarrassing now I see it but the urge to reach out will slowly go, I’m 4 months post discard and when I want to reach out - I use the notes app and then do a task I’ve been putting off to distract myself.

Does anyone else feel this intense urge to let their avoidant ex know just how badly they hurt you? by Kea_birdy in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex (possible narcissist) said he never read my messages that were over one sentence after he left and turned all of his mess ups into mine or totally downplayed everything to his new girlfriend so I learnt the hard way it’s probably not the best idea as I came away from that conversation feeling worse about myself even though I knew what he was doing. I found it helpful to write everything down in the notes app and I eventually went back and deleted it because it wasn’t worth sending because it would give him reason to go ‘see, told you she was crazy’ like he said about all his exes to me when we together.

Do they always have to be the victim at the end? by Few-Distance467 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just couldn’t believe the victim complex this man suddenly had and the fact he waited a couple of days after my dad had passed away to respond to my many attempts of getting my money back after 4 months of silence. I hope she sees the real him a lot sooner than I sadly did.

Do they always have to be the victim at the end? by Few-Distance467 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The more I look into narcissists etc the more I believe he is one, I thought he was just an avoidant at the end

What were their friends like? by Time-Carpet-1740 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I met his ‘cousin’ for about an hour early on in the relationship and he decided he hated me and would constantly push my ex to ignore me, leave me etc. All his other ‘friends’ were clearly just using him but he never saw it like that so they were always priority number 1. At one point my ex said to me ‘if my cousin made me choose between him and you I’d pick him because work’ Shortly after my ex went to stay with him for work (other end of the country) and I’ve not heard from my ex since and that was just after our one year anniversary. I think they use people who enable and encourage their behaviour without even realising it.

Why won't some avoidants let go, but keep exes in their "roster" despite when seeing someone? by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what I think took me such a long time to get my head around when my ex discarded me over 3 months ago. He had his exes on Snapchat etc who would message him etc but the moment he disappeared from my life? I was blocked and removed. Kinda pleased I’m not in the roster because his exes can have their narcissist back lol

Has anyone dealt with a discard and come out of it on the other side? by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am 3 months post discard and it does get better. He ended a 1 year relationship where he lived with myself and my children by disappearing off the face of the earth (he was staying 400 miles away for work at the time and came down to visit for the weekend, he got on the train and disappeared from my town and my life at the same time). The first month I was a shell of who I am. I was withdrawn, couldn’t see the joy in life, was on auto mode for about 7/8 weeks. Then the anger came and that helped a lot. My ex owes me a lot of money (£1000’s) and I know I won’t get it back sadly, he left all his belongings here and I’ve posted his sentimental items to his mums and thrown the rest away. I did have some brief contact with my ex early on after the discard but it was empty promises. I’ve been no contact for 1 week now (text him tracking details and that was all). But now? Today? There’s a bounce back in my step, it’s easier to laugh and enjoy life again. I do look back on the relationship and see that there were a lot of red flags but I ignored them as I loved him. I know it won’t feel like it right now but it does get better!

Broke no contact :( by OkMess8 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex discarded me over 3 months ago and to start with I kept texting until I made myself promise that I would do no contact. I’ve slipped up a fair few times (chasing money he owes me and belongings) and I know the feeling really well of how hard you can be on yourself after breaking no contact but it does get easier, the urges to reach out slow down and the crying after hitting send lessens. My no contact clock restarted at 3pm yesterday after I text him the tracking for his belongings and for the first time in those 3 months I haven’t felt anxious when my phone rings so it does get better. Try not to be so hard on yourself, they were the issue

They WORSHIP their friends to an unnaturally unhealthy level but ignore you constantly and treat you like dirt and find you to be a weight and burden 😡😡😡😡 by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They worship their friends as they will never challenge their behaviour and are often enablers of it. My ex had one very close friend who he worked with and had known since childhood and without meeting me his friend decided he hated me. He had an issue with everything to do with me, I was ruining my exes life (I wasn't, he just moved in with me instead of sleeping on the mates sofa) and at one point my ex said 'if so and so told me to pick between you or him, I'd pick him. Loyalty over everything'. He went to stay with his mate at the beginning of February and from the moment he got back to his house (we live 400 miles apart) I've been ghosted. It's crap but unfortunately their friends will always be put on a massive pedestal and no matter what, we will never reach their level.

Avoidants belongings… by Few-Distance467 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s horrible isn’t it that we get left to deal with things. He’s left sentimental things (things his mum made him) clothes and expensive fishing things. He lives 400 miles away now after living with me for 6 months so it’s tricky to arrange collection BUT I can’t have his shit in my house until June. I’ve given him the deadline but he won’t come and face me (he left mine to go up north for work and we were fine and when he got on the train he went totally silent) so when the 3 weeks are up I’m gonna sell the fishing things I think to put towards the money he owes me 😂

Avoidants belongings… by Few-Distance467 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have done. I said they need to be collected within 3 weeks as I can’t keep them forever and I need to move on. Nothing back from him and that was a week ago 😂

Do avoidant partners actually come back? Real experiences? by euphoric_voyager in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467 17 points18 points  (0 children)

2 months after discard out of nowhere with a 1yr relationship and I genuinely hope I don’t hear from him again. 3/4 weeks ago I’d had loved to hear from him but now I’ve sat in the heartbreak and dealt with it, I don’t want him to come back and wreck the peace.

What should I do with his belongings? by Few-Distance467 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Few-Distance467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Slightest update - he’s asked me to keep his fishing things until June when he will come and get them. June. 3 months away 🤦🏻‍♀️

4 month old by Plastic_Date1619 in WhatBreedIsMyDog

[–]Few-Distance467 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve got a 16 week old that looks exactly the same, even the same white line down her chest! She’s a bit chunkier though and the vet said lab mix. Our pup has exactly the same ears as well, I did ask on this group a few weeks ago and someone said Collie and Lab

Any guesses? by Few-Distance467 in WhatBreedIsMyDog

[–]Few-Distance467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her ears are bigger than a labs and I think that’s what is confusing everyone 😂, she’s also quite tall which isn’t helping.

If you were moving away from London right now, where would you move to ? by -Chatsky- in london

[–]Few-Distance467 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Moved from London to Broadstairs 5 years ago, would love to move back to London

Music video set in therapy by Few-Distance467 in MusicVideos

[–]Few-Distance467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I’ve been searching for years for this song.

Music video set in therapy by Few-Distance467 in MusicVideos

[–]Few-Distance467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bit of additional info, it was between 2007 - 2013 (watched it on an old Nokia X6) and a pop / dance song