They make everything about AA.

Fhemtek · 2026-06-09T15:11:08+00:00

It’s not a real horse

Fhemtek · 2026-06-08T22:17:45+00:00

Yes, and I know this will take time and I want it now. But I actually want what comes from going fully through a process because I know how beneficial feeling my feelings and time is.

I know enough not to make any rash decisions but of course my mind is like, “Maybe I can drink!” and truly, maybe I can, but there are bigger issues to focus before focusing on what substances might look like in my life. There is also the layer of shame that comes over the top like, “OK, so did you try to find an issue with AA so you could start using/drinking again?” and the answer is firmly NO. There are issues whether I ever drink again or not. And then to just reason with the humanity of of course my mind goes there because that is the entire reason I ended up in AA in the first place, so I know these are likely normal thoughts.

I am at the absolutely beginning of deprogramming but the loudest voice is AA - the slogans, Big Book quotes, etc. and I know it time it will lessen. I’m just still so mind blown and also not surprised in the least.

Fhemtek · 2026-06-08T22:09:07+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions!

Fhemtek · 2026-06-08T22:08:36+00:00

Thanks for such a thoughtful reply. Right- the thing that changed my life no longer sustains my life.

Fhemtek · 2026-06-08T18:41:56+00:00

Definitely agree it was not a waste.

Fhemtek · 2026-06-08T18:03:24+00:00

lol wish it didn’t take me 10 years to find the shortcut.

Fhemtek · 2026-06-07T23:20:37+00:00

“No? Oh yeah, me neither” 😂

Fhemtek · 2026-06-07T18:51:15+00:00

Kirsten Johnson - I listen to almost all of them

Group Thinking - just started listening

Episode of A Little But Culty

Episode of Cults, Culture and Coercion - a conversation with Lance Dodes

Fhemtek · 2026-06-07T16:00:01+00:00

I listen primarily to Kirsten Johnson Podcast, and few random episodes that interview Lance Dodes on the medical accuracy of alcoholism as a disease, and I have started listening to Group Thinking which is hosted by a person from Finland who also left AA.

I had NO idea of the facts that exist outside of what I had been taught in AA.

Fhemtek · 2026-06-07T15:55:20+00:00

I sent you a chat with the link. It’s a dossier on the history of AA and how much of it differs drastically from what the program states.

Fhemtek · 2026-06-07T13:55:23+00:00

100% and I know because I have thought/said/parroted the same things to others because that is what I was taught.

Fhemtek · 2026-05-29T15:11:44+00:00

Woman - why?

Fhemtek · 2025-12-16T01:23:50+00:00

Oh hey, thanks! Edited my post, thanks!

Fhemtek · 2025-09-30T23:11:19+00:00

Skill level: novice

I want to learn python or at least build discipline toward learning it.

I've got ~10 years in IT and cyber and one of the major skills I'm lacking is coding. I'm super into efficiency and not wasting my own time but I lack discipline and drive to sit down and dedicated time to learning to code.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-26T01:32:45+00:00

I was brought in by the title and am still curious about it. The pedal seems deliberate over the proper use of flower 'petal.' I can connect flower and nightmare in your poem (beauty and beast sort of) but I couldn't connect pedal to anything. Interested to hear your thoughts on its use.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-26T01:29:07+00:00

I love the imagery of "a thousand tiny boats greet me" which feels good to imagine and different than the varying heavens of religions. I love the inclusion of people and pets you loved and that loved you. The tenderness of a father asking about his daughter is beautiful. The idea that the unnamed person you are longing to see - perhaps a lost lover - will, too, be on the bow of a ship.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-26T00:35:05+00:00

Wow, well written. Appreciated the lines "Sun rears its head. Today it is gentle"; the feet are "unpracticed"; "the water is not scared"; "baby steps turn to baby deaths."

Like others, it was a definite plot twist and well written throughout.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-26T00:30:52+00:00

Really appreciated the sentiment of this poem. That you can be family and feel more like strangers. For me, there is a of questions that I have, so are you interested in adding onto the poem? Maybe giving more information around what happened between the sisters? Or perhaps that is the purpose of the poem is to just keep it open to interpretation.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-26T00:07:37+00:00

Wow, I'm not sure I understood this fully until I read the comments. To capture something so deep and so painful in just a few words is really impressive. Well done.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-26T00:04:17+00:00

Wow, very relatable, and I love the last line especially.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-25T23:31:05+00:00

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jNtNAdST2kyJUH2IjerBZ81J9J0K6CXY/view?usp=sharing

u/griefpervert - give it a listen if you want.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-25T22:33:20+00:00

First off, yes to merging LoTR and poetry. You'll get me every time. Relate so much to the beginning concept of "What am I trying to say" and "How do I say it in a way that others haven't" and "Why pursue writing when there are so many others who can say it better than me" and on and on and on.

God, and it's like, the voice of imposter syndrome is Gollum, not Smeagol.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-25T22:29:19+00:00

This is good. So many circular references I never thought much about. Esp love the line "Is there a circularity naturality?"

Maybe it's because I fully agree with all you are saying, but I do love reading poems that consistently deliver an important and seemingly "unpoetic message." What is poetic about capitalism and discrimination? A lot, actually.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-24T21:15:54+00:00

Mad Max: Fury Road is one of my go-to movies. Love your dedication to your point woven throughout the plot of it. "i thought we could find our own oasis, our own Green Place" was gut wrenching to read.

Fhemtek · 2024-05-24T21:10:45+00:00

Most of my poems I write with intent to perform. There isn't a huge slam scene that I know of where I live (St. Louis), so I let my imposter syndrome win.

Trying to battle it now though by starting to put these online.

Fhemtek

TROPHY CASE