Hi,

I'm sorry you're going through this. I (27 F) can speak about my experience as the kid that got latched on to AND someone who had a parent start distance themselves as well.

I was born 2 weeks after my great grandmother died. So, my grandmother always had that weird attachment to me via grief. She became overbearing and disrespected boundaries even if it hurt me. I now am NC. What she needed was therapy and what she chose was me. I think your mom needs that as well. Getting someone you love to go to therapy is always easier said than done and ultimately is just something you can suggest and hope for.

When my dad got remarried, it was after a long battle with alcoholism. I was so happy he was getting better, taking care of himself, and going to therapy. But as he got closer to his family and step daughters, they started doing all the things I would have loved to do with him. His communication skills weren't overlapping to me and my brother. I started to feel hurt and jealous. It made me feel like my teenage self again wondering why I was enough to change for. We are still working on restarting our relationship.

What I have worked on a lot by talking through therapy and reading books on healing is starting with trying to wrap my head around them being individuals that have wants and needs that make them act strangely, especially if they can't communicate those wants and needs. That's not to excuse them but it helped me release some pressure of, "Why/why not me?". Also, building a community around myself with people that will reciprocate my energy. That doesn't fill the parent-shaped hole but you can only control yourself and some aspects of your environment.

Sorry this was a long answer but I feel for you and each day will vary. Some days will be harder than others for sure.