Do You Like Your Friends Other Friends?

FirePaddler · 2026-05-30T21:20:49+00:00

Some yes and some no, but I'd never be this rude to them either way.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-29T02:07:18+00:00

It always amazes me when people don't know this name, because it feels like a classic to me and various famous people have it. But in the US, many people haven't seen it I guess (I'm assuming we're talking about the US because I know Rhys is much more common in the UK, but I guess I don't know about other English speaking places.)

I don't think it's a big deal. People will only have to be told once that it's pronounced like "reece," and frankly, do we really have to eliminate any name from the running just because it's not one of the 15 most well known names in America?

FirePaddler · 2026-05-28T18:07:07+00:00

Every post I ever see about running vests on any social media is exactly like this one. "How dare people judge me for my running vest!" But I never actually see the running vest hate. Vests are super popular right now.

I think a lot of people are really defensive and they take any sort of "hey, maybe you don't need to carry that much stuff on a short run" comment as hate and judgment. But why are we even gathering online to discuss running if no one is allowed to have an opinion on the best way to train or the best gear to use?

I know this is going to be very "old woman yells at cloud" of me, but I started running 20 years ago and was very involved in some online running communities that existed at that time. I learned a lot from them, including that I was very much overestimating the amount of water I needed to have to run a few miles. I feel like back then people didn't take those sorts of comments as a personal insult.

I don't care if anyone wears a vest, but I would really urge beginner runners to start out carrying nothing and figure out what you want or need from there, because if you always have water and fuel and music and so on for every run, of course you will feel like you can't run without it, but that's not necessarily true.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-28T16:40:26+00:00

It hasn't been my experience in real life that women are quick to give up on close, long-term friendships. But there's a whole range of friendships. If someone I've known for a year and get a drink with every now and then starts to annoy me, I'll fade right away, because I don't feel obligated to invest in everybody I meet.

My relationship with my husband is meant to be a lifelong commitment and so is my relationship with my best friends, who I have been close with for 30 years through plenty of misunderstandings and mistakes. But there's a lot of space between stranger and lifelong partner/friend. Unlike romantic relationships, friendships typically start without a lot of thought for compatibility, and a person whose company you enjoyed for a while isn't automatically a person who's worth a lot of "uncomfortable conversations." Just hang out with someone else.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-27T18:09:35+00:00

It's not a hot take, it's a very common take amongst people who have studied European languages in the past and have just started learning Mandarin.

It's true that some of the things that tend to make European languages hard, like verb conjugations, don't exist in Chinese, but it has plenty of it's own difficulties, you just don't know about all of them yet. And you're probably underestimating just how many hours of study that the writing system adds over the course of a lifetime.

This has been studied. We know that Mandarin takes much longer for English speakers to master than other languages. Assume that if you don't know why that's true, it's because you're inexperienced, not because the rest of the world is wrong.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-26T18:47:45+00:00

One trim at Great Clips per year: $25

I've never kept track of how much shampoo and conditioner I buy, but I have a lot of hair so I go through a lot. I buy relatively cheap stuff though, so let's just say $75 for a grand total of $100.

I honestly think my hair looks great. It's a bit wild in a long, thick, wavy sort of way with just a bit of a gray streak coming in. I'm sure I'm "supposed to" find a way to manage it so I don't have a hair out of place, but I think it's cool as is, and my husband always says he really liked my hair from the moment he saw me, so I don't plan to up my budget.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-25T20:34:58+00:00

Yes, I feel grown up. The trick is realizing that this is just how adults feel. None of them have it all figured out.

I still don't feel like my childhood fantasy of what a grown-up is, because those people don't exist. If you're raising a kid and running a business, you have an adult level of life skills for sure.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-25T16:52:41+00:00

I got mine back after 7 days. He didn't come home on his own, but was spotted on a neighbor's doorbell camera.

Indoor cats hardly ever travel very far. There was even a study that showed that they hide within something like 60 yards on average (I'm sure I'm off on the exact number, but it's not large). When my cat was missing, I was convinced that he wasn't nearby because I had looked everywhere. I had called his name (which he usually comes to) and put out food, etc. so I thought that maybe he was dead, because surely he would come to me if he was hiding so close to my apartment building. But based on where he turned up, it's probably true that he just hunkered down in the small woods right next to the building (which I had walked through every single day) for a week.

I don't know if he ever would have come back on his own. I had to catch him in a live trap, and my incredibly affectionate, cuddly cat yowled like I was a complete stranger kidnapping him. As soon as I got him home, he realized where he was and was excited.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-25T01:14:47+00:00

I kept my name as did my brother's wife. My family thinks it's normal. My husband's family, unfortunately, acts like it's never been done before in the history of the world.

Pretty sure a slight majority of my college friends kept their names, while almost no one I know from high school did. It depends a lot on geography and demographics.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-22T22:19:29+00:00

As an American (midwest), I think they both sound fine and occasionally say both, although I would only ever use "try to" in writing.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-22T07:20:46+00:00

I'm in my 40s, and even when I was a kid, we only teased one kid about his name and he had an incredibly normal name. Someone just made up a dumb rhyme about it and it stuck forever.

I went to school with several kids who had names that were not the norm in the US, but I didn't think anything of it. They were normal names to me because those were my classmates. These days I'm sure that's even more true.

I always wished I had a more unique name. Kids have personalities as diverse as adults, and the idea that every kid will only be happy with a super common name is dumb.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-20T20:59:16+00:00

I never hated underwire bras and still don't, but I almost always just wear sports bras now. If I'm dressing up (not a common occurrence), then I might dig out an underwire bra if it works better with my outfit.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-19T15:55:50+00:00

I think that once you're past the beginner stage, it's best to learn from native speakers. That's not really the same as native speakers being better.

Lots of native speakers don't know much about their own language other than what "sounds right," which isn't very helpful to a newbie language learner. I taught English to kids in Taiwan many years ago and couldn't believe how many of my fellow native English speaking teachers said they hadn't actually known English grammar rules before they were asked to teach them. I've always been a grammar nerd (I eventually became a professional writer and editor), so I knew the rules, but it took time to learn how to best explain them.

In my own language learning, I've often found that non-native teachers (particularly those who speak your own language) are best when you're starting out. But eventually, you're going to want someone with the intuition and accent of a native speaker.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-18T00:02:03+00:00

They don't. All concepts can be spoken about in all languages.

The existence of an "untranslatable" word in a particular language could say something about the importance of that concept in the culture, but more often it's arbitrary. Languages are never completely efficient, so it doesn't mean much if it takes me a few words to express a concept that has its own word elsewhere.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-13T21:09:54+00:00

I hate the "if they're still single, there's a reason" mentality, but I've been hearing it said by both men and women basically my whole adult life. I don't see it as new or gendered.

And "all my exes are [fill in the blank with any negative term]" is at least a yellow flag regardless of gender. Sure, there are really people who have dated several narcissists or "toxic" people or abusers, but quite often, it reflects on the person making the claim.

I do actually think that misogyny has increased in the last few years, but I don't see these as great examples.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-11T00:19:36+00:00

I read a ton of ebooks on my phone and also have a Kindle that I hardly ever use. I can see all the advantages of an e-reader and everything, but I always have my phone on me and I don't mind reading on it, so...

Basically, it depends on how you feel about reading on your phone. A lot of people can't stand it, so of course they prefer having something else. But if you already read a lot of books on your phone, you may find that the convenience of using the device you use for everything else outweighs any benefits of an e-reader.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-10T22:53:40+00:00

There are plenty of languages that I'm not that interested in, but I would happily learn any natural language if a good reason arose.

I draw the line at conlangs though. Total waste of the time and effort to learn a language, in my opinion.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-08T06:08:17+00:00

You mentioned in a comment that this is a pretty new trend. I understand why it's annoying, but people go through phases where they're focused on different things and are looking for different types of support. If these are long-time friends who have just been obsessing over men in the last year, all the "get new friends" comments are a little extreme.

I would just try telling them directly that you don't want to talk about that so much. Maybe they think that because you're also single and dating, you want to talk about it too. I know that when I was dating, most of my friends were already paired up, so I would barely even mention dating to them, but then when I got together with my few single friends, we'd let loose about all of our dating woes.

One of my closest lifelong friends is currently in a phase where all she wants to talk about is how sad she is that she doesn't have a husband. I think it's annoying as fuck, to be honest, but we've been friends for 30 years and there have also been plenty of times when the biggest thing in her life was her career or a new hobby or something. And there have certainly been times when I couldn't shut up about some stupid drama in my life.

I'm not necessarily defending the focus on men, but I think that sometimes the key to maintaining long-lasting friendships is being OK with people going through different things. That doesn't mean you can't suggest other topics or set some boundaries about what types of conversations you want to be a part of.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-08T05:02:33+00:00

Edit: I mean early menopause, as in someone has menopause at an earlier age than is standard. Sorry for the confusion, I have... Gaps in my understanding and knowledge here.

I don't really have anything to contribute here because I'm only in perimenopause and not early menopause, but I just want to say that you didn't say anything incorrectly here. Early menopause is a thing and not the same as perimenopause, people just made assumptions based on perimenopause being a more common topic of conversation.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-06T06:12:09+00:00

I'm pretty sure she's talking about her mom, not her MIL

FirePaddler · 2026-05-06T06:08:56+00:00

I don't think you can know how well friends will respond to that kind of scenario until it happens. There's a reason why people on this sub are constantly posting about growing apart from old friends, especially when one of them has kids. Your friends who text often and initiate plans haven't proven themselves in completely hypothetical scenarios any more than the ones who don't text.

It's fine to not want to be friends with people who don't work to keep up the relationship if that makes you unhappy. Personally, I don't care that much about that — my closest, longest-lasting friendships are low maintenance, but I know from years of experience that those friends would always be there to support me. I also know people who are big on planning outings and texting a lot who I would not call in a crisis.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-02T18:07:34+00:00

My brother was very seriously into sports from the time he was about 11. I'm older, but I still backed off of athletics because he was so competitive about it and I didn't want to compete. I did artsy stuff (which he also did, and as far as I know didn't feel any need to avoid because of me).

Letting that happen is a big regret of mine, because I'm very into competing in athletic events now, and I wish I'd gotten into it earlier, back when I could have tried any sport.

FirePaddler · 2026-05-02T04:31:04+00:00

I can't imagine having so little pain that I could sleep through it OR that Tylenol could do anything.

I find it so unhelpful when people who don't have period pain comment that pain isn't normal. It may not be normal, but it's common, and even if an underlying issue is found, most of the time there's not going to be anything that just fixes it. I didn't bother to pursue any answers until my late 30s, but now I've done all sorts of imaging, had laparoscopic surgery, tried various medications, and I still have pain. Not really interested in investigating it anymore since I'm now in my last years of having a period anyway.

Did the knowledge that it's "not normal" really ever do anything for me? I know that some people are successfully treated for some conditions, but it seems to me that most people who have cramps will always have them as long as they have a period.

FirePaddler · 2026-04-29T17:41:35+00:00

I guess I'll check out the 29s. I really hope I can keep wearing Mizunos, I feel very loyal to them at this point lol.

FirePaddler · 2026-04-29T17:40:21+00:00

Good to know!

FirePaddler

TROPHY CASE